


Oh, Baby!

by Quandisa



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Anal Sex, And baby makes 3, Blow Jobs, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Humor, Light BDSM, Medical Kink, Medical Procedures, Multi, Period Kink, Pregnancy, floppy hand dick, sexy marriage land
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-04-01 00:26:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 54,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13986525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quandisa/pseuds/Quandisa
Summary: Ever wondered what happened between that lawyer marring that doctor and them having a kid? A follow up for Oh, Doctor, learn how these two grew a family!A collaboration with delicatesmol of tumblr and her Zircon Family AU. http://delicatesmol.tumblr.com/





	1. Floppy Hand Dick

They say the first three years of marriage is the honeymoon phase. This is misleading in some cases. While there had been plenty of moon, the years hadn’t been so sweet for the private defense lawyer and her ex-doctor.

    It turned out that they had amazing chemistry served to cover up the way they fought like a couple of cats. Sometimes it was little things, other times it was bigger things like differences in beliefs.

    But somehow they had made fighting, erratic hours, hot tempers, and long loving work.

    It was one of their rare weekends when they didn’t have to worry about being suddenly called away. Zandra was playing with the wrinkles around her eyes. She was trying to convince herself it was long hours squinting at a computer screen, but she had a new prescription for that. It helped the headaches, and eye strain but the little crow’s feet remained. Even that overpriced eye cream of her wife’s hadn’t helped.

    Then there was the streak of “moonlight,” as Zareen put it, in her hair. It was cute, and honestly, she didn’t have many vanities, but deep down it was causing some despair.

    “Oh nurse! I’m ready to operate!”

    “Go ahead and start without me!”

    “Damn it nurse! You know it’s against protocol!

“What are you doing in here?”

A blonde head with a floppy head mirror popped into the bathroom door.

“Why are you still wearing a shirt?”

“Where are your pants?”

“I can’t be Doctor Pantless with pants on. And for that manner you can’t be Nurse Topless with a top on!”

“Baby, I’m just not in the mood right now. Go play without me.”

“But the patient is going to die!”

“What patient?”

“I bought a blow up doll.”

“You what?!” Poking her head into a master bedroom she saw the comical blow up doll with a scribbled on piece of paper taped over the face. “What’s that’s paper?”

“That’s your O face. So I can always be inspired to greatness. Also you won’t let me use the camera.”

“Sweetie, we can’t use the camera because it would be evidence of how criminal loving you is.”

“E-yowza! Let’s play bad lawyer/bad doctor!”

“No thanks.”

“But who will put the glove on my dick?!”

“You’re not wearing it!”

“No, but now I want to play with it. Floppy hand dick.”

“Ugh!” Zandra slapped her forehead. “Do whatever you want. I think I need out of the house.”

“You wanna go on a drive?”

“Yeah, I just need to change.”

“Into the stilettos?”

“I will never wear those things!”

“But they make your legs look hotter!”

Zandra dug out something comfortable and removed her faux nurse’s uniform. “That’s half the problem! The other half is I fall on my face!”

“But you have a delightful bottom,”pouted the blonde, who had slipped a latex glove on a strap on dildo and was sadly batting it around.

“And I’m fond of not having broken-” she had spotted Zareen playing with her new toy. “What are you doing?”

“Floppy hand dick. Wanna shake hands?” She thrust her hips forward.

“No. And don’t point that thing at me.”

“But it likes you!”

“No. Just no. Are you coming or not?”

“I wanted to, but then you changed your mind,” muttered the doctor as she undressed.

“And here I thought med school had scared you off of sex.”

“Just anonymous sex, now I have a wife I do nightly without worry!”

“The true meaning of marriage.” Rolling her eyes she checked her purse while waiting for her wife to finish dressing.

There was a little artisan town three hours up the interstate. It was one of their favorite places to escape the stress of the city and wander through the little stores and marvel at the details crafted into each work.

In a pottery shop that specialized in lesbian art Zandra found herself staring out the window at a couple. The toddler was crying over something. The baby was snoring away in it’s carriage, and the parents were trying to make sense of their child’s distress.

“Why are you staring at that dildo?”

“Huh?”

There was a statue of two women entwined, so they formed a phallic shape.

“No. Did you say you wanted some new scrubs for the hospital?”

“Yeah, I want Queen Belle ones for when I have older siblings to deal with. They’re so cute. Confused, but well meaning.”

“Yeah,” the lawyer sighed wistfully.

“Hey, what’s gottin’ into you? You sound like the virgin heroine of a smut novel. Which I could totally roll with. I think there’s an abandoned park around here somewhere.”

“Babe?”

“Yes?”

“I want a baby.”

“A baby? I don’t know. We’ve had a lot of unprotected sex and you haven’t conceived yet.”

Her face and neck went red. “Oh Reenie!” She stormed out of the store and down the dirt road. Zandra chased after her.

“What’d I do?! What’d I do?!”

“It’s not a joking manner!” Whipping around there were tears threatening to fall from her aqua eyes. “I knew when I married you I have having to give up a lot of things. I miss having a big family, but we can’t have one. God! We went to four bakeries before we could find one that would even talk to us! Four! Just because we love each other! It’s ridiculous!”

“And then I wrote those reviews and they were cyber harassed so bad they issued a formal apology! So?”

“I want a child to call my own! Someone with my father’s nose, my wit, your hair! I want-!” the tears finally fell, “I want someone who will love me when you’re gone. Someone I can give all my love to! I want to see you holding _our_ baby!”

“Wow. I didn’t think about it like that. Our baby. A mini you. Let’s do it! Let’s get you a baby!”

“Really?”

“Of course!” They wrapped each other up in their arms. “Plus the pregnancy will make your boobs look amazing.”

Zareen was punched lightly in her back. They decided to grab lunch and discuss the dirty details.


	2. Stud and Snuggle Muffin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Quest is on! And Reenie has to have a helping hand in all things Zandy!

Since they couldn’t think of anyone they wanted to be a donor they decided to go straight to an online catalog.(After Zandra’s OBGYN gave her the all clear.) She a little disappointed in the amount of information available for free. Super basic stuff like eye and hair color, height, weight, race, and if they had produced pregnancies. The possible donors were printed out and organized into a binder Zareen labeled Frozen Pops.

But it was discouraging that they had so little. The only real request was Zandra wanted a blonde like her wife, besides that she was concerned about family medical history. She already knew she has heart problems, anxiety, and depression in her family and was hoping to avoid doubling the odds of her child suffering through those.

“Oh! There’s fifty blonde,s but I don’t know if any of them graduate college or has a history of using crack!”

“Chill, tootsie roll. All donors have to have a blood test. Even regular ones still get regular bloods tests to insure diseases aren’t spread. Or we could get a hobo to jizz into a cup.” The look she was given was enough to cruddle milk. “Okay, still not allowed to joke about the origin of our future child.”

“If only we could interview them.” The attorney slumped in her chair.

“Yeah, if only. Which bank are you looking at?”

“Jazz’s Fertility Clinic.”

“Mmm, I think Ruby works there.”

“Ruby?”

“Sophie’s girl. There’s a lot of gay women in my office. Don’t know how that happened.”

“Are they staring at your butt?”

“No, they’re staring at their phones.”

“Good.” Zandra looped her arms around her wife’s waist.

“Aw, you jealous?”

“I know from personal experience you’re difficult to work with. On at least three separate occasions you participated in questionable practices with one of your patients.”

“Oh yeah. My ass is lucky you didn’t sue. I was flirting with malpractice.”

“Mmm, you were flirting with my clit.” 

“I was testing responsiveness!” 

“We should sneak up there next Sunday.”

“Dirty girl.” The research was moved to the sofa so they could cuddle, drink coffee, and continue the search for a donor.

*** 

One fine weekend, Zareen was keen to go to a coffee shop, at 3:04. For some reason. The printer had run out of ink and Zandra still didn’t feel any closer to end than when she began, so she let herself be pushed out the door.

All the way down Zareen was brimming with energy, and bounced in line, too busy looking around to even want to order. They were barely settled with their drinks before the doctor shot up. 

“He’s here!” She waved down a pair of men who had walked through the door, and made room for the couple. 

Zandra was sure she’d never seen them in her life. They were the same tall height, but one was a muscular blonde with amber eyes that seemed all too aware of his own attractiveness. The other was waifish in comparison. Sunken in blue-green eyes behind thick rimmed glasses, and dark chocolate hair styled to one side. He looked as if he felt as suspicious of this situation as she did.

“Zandy, this is Kitrinos Zircon, and his snuggle muffin for life Marlais Zircon.”

“I’m his husband, not “snuggle muffin”!”

“But you are my little snuggle muffin.”

“Quiet, you. I’m not entirely convinced this isn’t one of your stupid plots.”

Kitrinos leaned over and whispered to the ladies, “I’m gonna get it tonight,” with a wink.

“It’s Kit by the way, and I call him Marley. Nice to meet you.” Handshakes were exchanged with names.

“So Kit, what’s your family history?”

“Well, I was adopted, so I couldn’t give you specifics, however-”

Zandra stopped him. “Could you excuse us for a minute?” 

She dragged her wife into the single use restroom.

“What did you do?!”

“What? You said you wanted to interview them. He was more than willing to, and he’s cute.”

“It’s illegal! We’re not supposed to know the donors! And you! You are not allowed to abuse your position like that! You could lose your job!”

“I got a burner phone under a fake name, as far as anyone know we just bumped into each other at a coffee shop, and starting talking about babies.”

“No! No! Our future is in jeopardy!”

“But Zandy!”

“No! We’ve got to go out there and explain a mistake has been made.”

Back at the table Zandra put on her best lawyer face.

“I think an apology is in order.”

“I agree,”replied Marley. 

“We’re deeply sorry!

“What? You’re sorry! 

“We’re sorry!

“Why are you apologizing?!” The brunettes finished their simultaneous speech. 

“You were right, Zareen. She adorable,” snickered Kit.

“Yeah, you’ve got a cutie too.”

“Kit!”

“Reenie!”

“What?”

Marley decided to take the lead. “Look, I’m sorry about all this. This guy has a habit of meeting the couples. He can’t help himself.”

“But, babe, I like to know my clam sauce is going to good people!”

“No, this was my wife’s idea. We’ve been frustrated with the lack of freely available information. I’ve got some things in my family history I want to minimize the risk to our child. Everything is so expensive. She got it in her head it would be a good idea to arrange something through her friends, despite it being a blatant violation of the law.”

“Sweetheart I’d break all the laws if it meant I’d get to see you smile one last time before they locked me away.”

“Aww!” Zandra couldn’t resist her when the charm was turned on.

“That’s beautiful.” Kit hugged his partner. “See? Can I give them a baby?”

“They can go through the regular channels and not be stalked by a crazy person.”

“But they’re hot and my baby-”

“Their baby!”

“Their baby will be amazing!”

“We can all get in trouble.”

“But tushie!” Kit quivered his lower lip.

“I think it’s time we went home.”

“And it’s time to get some more ink for the printer,” Zandra sighed standing and taking her coffee. 

The couple parted with one last apology in the parking lot, a hidden glance exchanged between the blondes as they were yanked away.

At home Zareen was given the silent treatment, as Zandra locked herself in the bedroom and despaired a the unorganized papers and and open books that had claimed the bed. Instead of fighting them, she laid on top of them. 

***

“Zandy! Can I come in? I want to shower, and sleep, also you should eat!”

The knocking on the door woke her from her trance. It had grown late, and cold. She opened the door, and spied a hot dinner waiting for her. Zareen watched with worried eyes as she sat and started eating.

“Hey.”

The doctor flinched.

“I’m not mad at you. I appreciate what you tried to do. I got scared. I don’t want you to put your career at risk.” Turning in the chair she gave her wife a weak smile. “I can’t be your lawyer, legally.”

Zareen’s shoulders relaxed. “But you can still play one in bed?”

“In bed, the tub, the laundry room…”

“We haven’t tried the laundry room.”

“We haven’t tried the laundry room with the gavel.”

“Ooo! Yes, ma’am!”

***

“Your honor, against my pleas, my client would like to speak on her own behalf.”

“Well, what do have to say for yourself.” Judge Holly was a regular and constantly looked like she had heard and seen everything in her thirty-odd years on the bench.

“Um, yeah, like, I would like to say that I’m not guilty because I was totally smashed at the time and that wasn’t even my car that I crashed. It was my friend Shana’s.

“Hey, girl!”

“Boo! You suck!”

“Bitch, don’t you be dissing me!”

The gavel rang out with a demand for order.

“This court will reconvene in 4 weeks to determine guilt. The defendant will be held on $5,000 bail. Any questions?”

“Yeah. Can I go home now?”

“No. You are dismissed.”

The gavel went down at the same time as Zandra’s forehead met the table.

“But I have a party to go to!” The guards led her away.

“You went to a party, got drunk and crashed your friend’s car into a tree. And that’s not even the beginning of your sheet! Why am I literally defending a child? If you mess your life up that much by 17 you should give up.”

_ Oh God! What if my child turns out like that?! Wait, I’m not pregnant. Might never be at this rate. _

Gathering her papers she prepared herself for the next client. At least it was a petty theft case. She’d never understand why the jail was a full half hour away.

“It’s not like the criminals are going to get far with all this enforcement around.” 

A buzz in her pocket told her Zareen had found some time for lunch.

“Oh, I forgot to eat again!” 

But there was no time, pulling into a spot she only had 5 minutes to get to her next client. Then a door hit her. 

“Oh my God! I’m so sorry!” 

Zandra’s eyes were watering too bad from her stinging nose to see who it was. There was a clattering of things hitting the pavement.

“On no! Is your nose broken?!”

“I don’t think so,” speaking through her hands.

“Here.” A tissue was pasted so she could clear her eyes.

Taking it she wiped her eyes and nose. She saw her assailant had a set of familiar unusual said of blue.

“Marlais?!”

“Zandra?!”

“What are you doing here?!”

“I work as therapist for the accused. You?”

“I’m their attorney.” 

Picking their things back together they stood aside.

“Wow! Kit said you were a lawyer, but he exaggerates when he wants something what starts as a butterfly in his face becomes a dragon he fought for hours.”

“I understand completely.”

“Are you still looking for a donor?”

“Yeah, it’s the second biggest decision I could make and it’s not for me. It’s for my child. It’s a lot of pressure.”

“I can’t imagine.”

“No, until it’s your turn. Oh Jeez! I’m almost five minutes late! Ah! Nice bumping into you!” She bolted through the door.

“Same! Good luck!”

Most cases were simple. Thefts, civil disputes, disorderly conduct. The sort of things that made you question if everyone finished kindergarten and if they should actually be called adults. Then there was Zandra’s life.

“He look me straight in the eye and said, “Wright, we’re good, see? We are gonna sue ‘em because they’re mutt bit me, right on the bum. I have marks.” Then he tried to lower his trousers-”

“Say pants.”

“Pants, and show me the marks for me to record of evidence! None of that! None of it explains why he was in the house to begin with! At first, he thought it was his mate’s house. A mate who's name he can’t recall but is close enough to let him crash when they’re not home! That family has been there for seven years! Then he says he was there to fix TV! They’re worried about their kids, so they have the one TV that is closely monitored and brand new! Why? Just why? Give me something! Anything to work with!”

The machine went into cool down mode at the same time as her wife’s.

“Did he at least have a nice butt?”

“NO ONE CARES ABOUT HIS ASS!” She realized too late there were other people in the gym. 

“You’re so cute when you’re worked up,” snickered Zareen.

Zandra’s head met her control panel repeatedly. 

“It’s like some divine power is throwing all the most ridiculous clients my direction because they like to watch me suffer.”

“Nah, it’s much more fun to watch your booty in shorts. Which is why I’m sad you don’t wear them more.”

“I’m not twenty anymore! Those stupid things ride up!”

“Like your thighs wanted to be free. I could salivate to that.”

“Shut up!”

“Make me!”

“Oh, I can make you! I bumped into one of your little buddies today!”

“Which one?”

“The one you wanted to have a baby with!”

“Oh my word!” exclaimed a nosy dude at the weights. Once found out he slipped away around a corner.

“Um, okay… the only person whose DNA I want to mix with is yours. Are you talking about that fun guy that was nice enough to talk to us, but then you got all pissy?”

“No, the other one. His husband or something.”

“Oh Blue Eyes! He seemed a little sour. Do you think he pitches or bats?”

“How the hell is that your business?!”

“I get bored and my mind wanders and he does sorta look like how I would image you if you lost your womanly figure and grew a dick.”

“Reenie!”

“What? I’m surrounded by vaginas all day! I need a break so when I get to yours I can be enchanted again!”

Zandra starred at her. “You have to think about penises before you can be with me?”

“...to be fair, I didn’t exactly say that.”

The lawyer dismounted, taking her water bottle with her.

“I need to freshen up.”

“Babe?”

“Not now!”

In the bathroom she slashed her face. Why was this happening? All she wanted was a baby with the woman she loves and now she was hearing that some of the spark that had brought them together was fading.

“Stupid Reenie!” She paced and ran her fingers through her sweat soaked hair.

It was coffee shop thing that really bothered her.  _ How could she have been so reckless?! Why didn’t she say anything? _ That was it. They usually talk about everything and she had taken it upon herself to make such a risky move that put both of them at jeopardy. 

“Does she not trust me? Why didn’t she say anything?”

It was a riddle. Sometimes Reenie was as easy to read as a Dr. Seuss book and other times that under current of her spat up something seemingly random that was deeply related to some facet of her own reality.

“I swear, one of has to be bipolar or something,” she told the toilet. The toilet wished it hadn’t been a heartless billionaire in its last life. The woman who walked in just in time to see the exchange promptly walked out without missing a step.

Returning she noticed her wife was engaged in a lively conversation with a blonde man.

_ I don’t know who the hell is talking to my woman, but the mood I’m in I’m likely to make them both suffer. _

She stalked over, coming up behind the man.

“Oh hey angel! Feeling fresher?”

“Not very. I think it’s time we go home.”

The second blonde turned.

“Hey! It’s Dandy-Zandy! Marley said he ran into at the courthouse. How cool is it the two of you work there? And we use the same gym?”

“Oh, I don’t know how much longer we’ll be here if that woman and the toilet have anything to say.”

“Huh?” the blondes said at once.

“You didn’t scream at the toilet again, did you?”

“It was civil,” Zandra sniffed. “Come on,  _ dear _ , we have other places to be.” She started for the door.

“Oh, okay. Nice seeing you again Kit! I’ll being waiting!”

“Cool. Have a great day you two?”

Back in the car the mood hadn’t lightened.

“What sort of name is Kit anyway? It’s not a name! It’s a noun! Nouns should work to be proper!” she muttered into her hand.

“You know, you were pretty rude back there.” Zareen finished throwing their things in back and took her place behind the wheel.

“Oh I’m the rude one?! I’m sorry! Explain to me in which part of our vows did we say we’d keep secrets!”

“Woah! Slow down, Florence Griffith. If you talking about just now, he agreed to send me his DNA results. There’s a thing you can send in the mail and they publish the results online. He never knew his family and he thought this would bring him closer.”

“Why do you need to know that?!”

“I don’t, I’m just curious. He’s a nice guy if you gave him a chance!”

“Like how you chanced both our careers and didn’t bother to consult me?!”

Zareen tightened her grip on the wheel.

“Is this about the coffee shop?”

“Of course it is! You didn’t talk to me!”

“I couldn’t! I knew you’d worry too much! You wanted to meet someone! I got someone! I did it the safest way possible!”

“I do not worry too much! You worry too little!”

“I literally bring new life into this world on a weekly bases. I worry just enough. You’re the one who scares cleaning staff by talking to the sinks.”

“The sinks understand the never-ending feeling of drowning,” she crossed her arms as the final argument.

“Well, I tried, but you’re not a squirter. But I will never tire, nor cease in my quest to give you a squirting orgasm.”

“Because you want me to have penis?!”

“No! Because it’d blow your fucking mind! Geez, it’s like you hear one thing, tumble it around and get Hitler! Not everything is Hitler!”

“It could be!”

“No, babe, that’s called crazy.”

“I’m not crazy! You’re trying to leave me because I want a baby!”

“Who said that?! I’ve been trying to help you get a baby! I’ve been to every appointment, I bought stickers for the Frozen Pops binder, I cleaned the breast pumps, and I have had nothing but unprotected sex with you!”

Zandra tucked her hair behind her ear. “So you want a baby?”

“Yes. I support whatever you want. You want a baby. I want a baby. You want to adopt a hundred cats. I’m going to consult someone and cat proof the house. I love you and I want you to be happy.”

The brunette buried her face in her hands. A hand rubbed her back.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been so stressed out by all this.”

“Hey, a baby is supposed to be about love. This is the easy part. Parenthood just gets harder every step of the way.”

“I think you’re right. I just worry and get caught up in the details. Everything is always harder for us because we’re not a normal couple.”

“We knew there was nothing normal about us. I have an especially brilliant wife, and we have an unusually hot relationship. Not to mention they haven’t invented a unit of measurement for my love of you.”

Zandra’s tears turned from frustrated to joy and she leaned her head on Zareen’s shoulders.

“I love you too. Even if you smell like hot ass.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gave up on names. Pretty much. I like Zandy's crazy talk. It secretly makes sense.


	3. Why Reenie Can't Finish a Movie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Periods suck and Zandy is bummed out about penises

Zandra laid staring at the ceiling fan, a heating pad on her hips, the phone still laying in her hand. Her mom had just spent an hour updating her on the family. Among other news her little brother was expecting a second child, a girl.

Her wife came in and was snickering at her phone.

“I’m going to be a aunt again.”

“Sweet. I get to be Aunt-in-law some more. I love spoiling those rug-bugs.”

The hormones were really bad this month, because she tears instantly up. She turned over to hide them, but it was in vain.

“Hey! What’d I say?”

“I want you to have a cute little rug-bug! I don’t want to be the spinster aunt! Why can’t you borrow a penis?!”

“I don’t think you’d like it.”

“It’s just a-! With-! And a washcloth-! You just shake it, right?”

“Ah, my coffee bean is so gay she doesn’t know how dicks work. Want some angry chocolate?”

“I can’t tell if I want to kill you or kiss you.”

“I could get you a vibrator to help with that.”

“Nah, Reenie?” That lower lip plumped up.

“Oh, I think I know that look means.”

“I want greasy food, porn, a baby, and you.”

“I can help with that. I went out, got your favorite extra large everything. It’s still hot, and,” getting up she got the remote, “Let’s Make Love is all queued up!”

“I’m blowing you when I’m not in pain.”

“Or, we could go clean out the storage room at the office this weekend.”

“Why would I want to-?”

The heated look her wife gave her clued her in. “Oh! Yes, the good doctor needs an assistant after all.”

“I was thinking more of a volunteer guinea pig. I have some classic instruments that need testing.”  

“Anything for the good of the public, doctor.”

“Such a generous soul.”

She left and returned with enough fast food for two days, and turned into living body heater. Dinner consumed they watched their classic movie. Zareen commented that Marilyn wasn’t wearing a corset under her sweater and she’s never looked better. But just as the title music number of the movie was starting, something nibbled at Zareen’s ear, a hand wormed under her shirt and was lightly scratched her side. She didn’t notice at first, as she was admiring the way the blue dress floated around Marilyn’s body. But it’s impossible to ignore someone thrusting themselves against her hip.

“How is it I can never finish one of these movies with you?”

The brunette’s eyes were heated, lips shining with her work. “You finish me, isn’t that enough?”

“Sure is. I’ll get the towels.” She stood up and Zandra fell over, groaning into the warm spot she left. 

“Screw the towels! Reenie!” She whined, she was getting desperate enough to break out her baby voice. A powerful cramp punched her. “Ah, fuck!”

A phone buzzed. Out of habit she picked it up. “Kit? “Poor thing, like Marley-Baby when he IBS acts up.” Reenie, what is this?”

“Huh?” Returning with an armful of black towels, she laid them out and fished through her night drawer. “Oh that. Just chatting with Kit. He’s an interesting fellow. A tad too much into that husband of his, though. Like every other thing he says is about him. I’m all, “dude, get a life” and he’s all, “dude, he is my life!” So I can’t argue. He lost his job a year ago when President Genius tanked the economy thanks to that tax plan. That’s why he started selling his man-milk. Hasn’t had a lot of luck finding another.”

“A sad story, to be sure. Why are you talking about me?”

“Because you’re cute.”

“Bull shit. I’m too old to be cute.”

The blonde put on latex gloves, and held up a silver vibrator.

“You’re are cute. Cute pursed lips, adorable blushes, not to mention you have the perky breasts of a twenty five year old. How are they, by the way?”

“So sore I want you to lick them or chop them off. I hate everything!”

“So yelly when you’re horny. Why don’t I take care of those first?”

“Oh God, please!” Scrambling she pulled off her shirt. “Sit in my lap while you do it.”

“Alright, alright,” she faked a put on sigh while taking off her gloves and getting out a bottle of warming oil. “Making me climb into my wife’s lap and rub her boobs. Truly, thou know'st naught but the most exquisite of tortures.” She hook a leg over Zandra’s waist and hovered, knowing her whole body weight would be too much.

“Oh, yeah. I see how tortured you are.” The oil was pre-warmed and soothed over her aching mounds, she arched into the relief.

Moving in wide arcs and circles she avoided the sensitive tips, keeping her mind on providing a massage not creating sexual pleasure.

“This reminds me of the time we covered ourselves in oils.”

Zandra sighed, closing her eyes. “The sheets were permanently stained. Had to turn them into garden covers.”

“You do look good shiny and wet.”

“I do wonder why we couldn’t get the same high shine as in the video.”

“We use olive oil. I sure they had fancy porn oil.”

The brunette snickered and snuggled further into her pillow.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“You’re just as ridiculous, because as I recall, you were just as covered and bent me over the tub and used a strap on all because you wanted to watch my perfect, oiled up ass.”

“And then we learned why water and oil don’t mix.”

“So many bubbles.”

“So much scrubbing.”

“So much quality time.”

“Everyone should have one of these.”

“Oily, bubble bath times?”

“A breast massager, and heating pad. This is heaven.”

“I pretty sure in heaven I’m sucking these things with like five nude versions of you in a big ole orgy.”

“Like you could handle that many. What are you going to do with so many woman.”

“What couldn’t I do? You lack imagination.”

“No, I just prefer quality over quantity.”

“So, what you’re saying, is that I’m so perfect any more of me and your face would melt.”

“Something like that.”

“So if I were to grew a penis..”

“You have fun with that. But first, have some fun with me.”

“Oh, okay! Let me just-” she moved as if to leave the bed. 

“No, just put on the gloves.”

“You sure?”

“Yes! Geez! Stop thinking with your doctor brain!”

Zareen pulled the gloves back on, and applied the vibrator below her clit through her pad and panties.

“I can’t help it. Med school brainwashed me to treat bodies like fined tune machines that go crazy, but you have protocols to follow.” The vibartor was moved slowly, too fast would cause more distress. As delectable as her wife looked trying to escape into her hormones, she knew it was more an expression of her discomfort than desire. It was like this every other month. At least now she believes her, that orgasms can ease the cramps.

Sometimes you just have to love ‘em softly.

But that oil was looking mighty fine.

“Am I on any bans?”

“Just be gentle. I feel like a powder keg.”

“I can do that. I’ll just pretend you’re a lolli I can’t bite.” Leaning over she kissed her love’s neck, working down to that dip in the front of her chest that was strangely sensitive and drove the lawyer wild. It was mostly something mentally happening when her tongue traced the area, the chest holding breath to release it in heavy huffs. She’s tested it before. Licking, and nipping it to have nothing happen below the waist, but everything above nearly at war. Teeth clenched, fingering gripping anything, eyes distant and unfocused.

She’d never forget the time she sucked a hickey into and she cried out like she orgasmed. She had to wear an ugly turtleneck for a couple of days and she came home to a spanking every night. Totally worth it.

But tonight was about going slow and gentle. The longer she stretch it out, the longer her relief. Moving off the passion patch she licked from the bottom of the wet tit to the slightly swollen nipple, taking it between her lips and suckling it like the babe her wife wanted so bad.

“Ooh,” she moaned, burying her fingers in blonde tresses to keep the head close. “Put it in! I want you so bad, baby!”

“Mmm.” Using two fingers she eased the bullet just an inch in, working the opening, and rubbing her thumb against her hip, remembering it was one of her wife’s kinks.

Warm blood seeped over her finger including a clot. She moved on to the other twin, resting on her elbow and continuing the massage from earlier.

“Oh Reenie. Reenie! You’re a mind reader!”

“Just tell me when.”

“Just a little longer! I won’t keep you!”

“Hey, I’ve got five Zandy virgins and one extra nasty Zandy to practice for.”

“You’ll never make it. Besides”-huff- “why virgins?”

“I could totally finger two, while eating out one, bang the fourth and have the fifth one masturbate while watching us so they’ll all cum quickly and I can train them to cum at the same time.”

“What’s the nasty one doing?”

“Spanking me, while I get pegged. Up there everything feels good.”

“That makes no sense.”

“Sure it does. You just need a couple of chairs.”

“I’ll chair you!”

“Later, darling, later.” The blonde promised with a wink. “Ready?”

“Yeah. Slow remember?”

“I know.”  She started gentle, little thrusts with her fingers, moving down to lap around the erect nub at the apex of Zandra’s crouch. The legs bent and straightened, skewing the towel, arms didn’t know what to do with themselves danced around, fingers grasping whatever they could touch. Untethered, her pants took higher and higher tones, her voice feminine for once. She finished with a strain through her body and then a deep sigh. Zareen turned off the vibrator but kept it in, knowing the warmth help ease the pain.

“You look like a vampire,” mused her blissed out wife, as Zareen put the heating pad back on, ease out and slid her underwear back in place.

“Maybe I am. Maybe I feed off your love and will be immortal.”

“Fool. Get over here.”

They kissed sharing the blood.

“You just wanted to be a vampire too. Now I have three messes to clean up.”

“Someone has to keep an eye on you. A whole eternity for you to hit on your patients. I shudder to think.”

“I keep telling you, it was just the one time and she came onto me. Little minx stripping in my office, cumming on my fingers.”

“What were those fingers doing in there?”

“Doctor stuff,” she shrugged. “Want a bath?”

“In half an hour. I think I’ll nap.”

“I’ll join you. Maybe I can figure out the ending without a sex-fiend needing her bones jumped.”

Zareen took the towels and washed up, returning to a wife under the sheets, having given up on the shirt. She climbed in, grabbing the remote and her phone.

“He really wants to help, you know.”

Zandra’s eyebrows creased. “Your penis?”

“Kit. I think he has that cheery disposition for you. Not to mention those stunning eyes of his are natural. I doubt we find anyone else with them. People are so squeamish about donating their spunk to science.”

“Yeah, but no family history.”

“He’s fit as a fiddle, university degree, safely married-”

“I know. He’s not at the bottom of the list. I’m just hoping for someone who’s less than a gamble. You know how crazy can skip generations. I’ve got a lead on someone who’s willing to meet with us. It’s through a bank so I’m just waiting to hear back from them.”

“Alright, whatever makes you happy, but I doubt straight people put this much thought into who they mix genetics with.”

“I’m sure you’d be surprised. My mother rejected half a dozen suitors based on genetics.”

“So you inherited all of the crazy from her.” 

“But I got my father’s uterus.”

“Just like I got mine’s prostate!”

The movie replayed, the brunette sawed logs, and the blonde texted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It just gets kinker.  
> They're both such generous souls. Who will give them their baby?!?!!21


	4. Gay Gardens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So hot, so humid. No wonder they're flushing!

“Hey, babe?” Zareen was watching a bee buring its face into a pink rose wilting in the humid morning heat. “What are we going to do with the playroom?”

It was Sunday, and if they weren’t wandering shops, they were at the botanical gardens. 

“What about it? I’m not painting it red.”

“Well, I don’t think a seven year old should know what a sex swing is.”

“Hush!” Zandra’s eyes darted around, but they were still alone. She stood back up and straightened her shirt and glasses. “Well, until the baby learns to open doors it shouldn’t be a problem. When they do, we’ll keep it locked, and when they’re old enough we’ll burn it all and turn it into an office.”

“For how long?”

“Until… maybe forever? I thought until they moved out, but who knows what the economy will be like in twenty or so years, and it won’t be long before they have kids. And then we’ll be grandmas!” She squeezed her hands in delight and her wife’s head lowered.

“So the only sex will have is in bed, and in the bathroom?”

“Oh, heavens no! There won’t be any sex while there are babies in the house!”

“What?” It was the deep sound of disbelieve and dread.

“We couldn’t! They need constant care and what if they were to walk in? How would we explain that?”

“When a woman loves another woman very much-”

“No! Their innocence!”

A squirrel was invested in its pecan and this conversation.

“Innocence? Like what we do is wrong!”

“It’s not wrong! We love each other it’s just-”

“It’s just what?”

“I don’t want our kid walking in on us! It’s private!”

“And said kid is coming out of where I stick my fingers! We can get them a valuable lesson on human reproduction!”

“And what about the fact it’s an adult situation?!”

“We say not until they’re eighteen, but I’m gonna tell you, few girls come into my office that wait that long.”

“What if we have a boy?”

“Same rule, but I don’t stick my finger up their butts. But I have to break some sad news to you,” the blonde leaned over, “teenage boys know about sex.”

Appalled, Zandra stepped back. “You’re so crude.”

“That ain’t crude. I’m getting blue balled before the kid is even here.” 

Hands stuffed deep into her jean pockets she followed her wife to the rarely travel wildflower trail.

“Reenie, please. You’ll feel differently once the baby is here.”

“Yeah, I’ll be tired  _ and  _ horny,” she muttered kicking a stone into a waving stand of periwinkle.

“Come on you, big baby!” Hooking her arm around her wife’s elbow they strolled along the crushed stone path and made small talk while enjoying the fresh fragrant air. At the end of the path, where it turns back and circles the other side of the tree lined meadow there was a little shake done up in a colonial fashion. It was mostly for decoration, but it also to remind field trippers of how the land would have looked like before the regular use of running water. As they approached they could hear some scuffling and hushed whispers.

“Aw, someone’s using our snuggle shack. That’s so cute! Wanna make out behind those trees?”

“No! It’s probably some teens, let’s just pretend we don’t hear anything.”

“Yeah,” Zareen rolled her eyes, “the gardens are the hot spot for the kids these days.”

“I know I might have snuck some kisses if a sweet thing invited me.”

“Scandal! I knew you were always fast.”

“Hey! It’s not my fault that-!”

The shuffling came to an abrupt end, there seemed to be a hushed argument before a blonde man was kicked out to stumble into the path. Shirt disheveled, and a flush that clearly wasn’t from the sun, his activity was clear as the nose on his face.

“Having a little fun with the mister?” Zareen snickered.

“Oh, yeah, but I’m suppose to say he’s resting. You know if we keep meeting like this we might as well go out for lunch.”

“That’s a great idea!” Zareen studied her wife.

“I don’t know. What will the center say?”

“The center won’t know,” Kit waved off. “And if they do then there are plenty of gravy boats you can go to. Hell, worst comes to worst, if you’ll have me, I’ll shoot some off fresh and you can take it somewhere.”

“Charming.”

“Aw, come on sweetie. He’s being helpful.”

Marley decided to emerge from the structure, glasses readjusted, a sweater over the front of his pants, hair hastily smoothed down.

“Ladies. Kit!”

“I totally didn’t arrange it, baby! If I did, I would have told them to bring a camera.” Blue eyes glared at him. “For the flowers! Flowers! Uh, l-look at all them petally things.”

“We’ve been coming here for 3 years and you don’t know the name hellebore?!”

“Well, it’s hard to remember stuff when I’m so busy thing how the wisteria frames your head perfectly and brings out your eyes.” Kit pouted.

“I’m married to a fool.”

“But I’m your fool!” 

“Yep. We’re stuck.”

“So we can try those couple friends things that you wanted?”

“My version, not your version. Friends keep their clothes on.”

“Sometimes,” Zareen amended.

“That’s the advance stage of group vacations. You keep your clothes on.” Zandra corrected.

“So? Lunch? Or should we go home and-” Kit’s mouth was covered by his husband’s hands. 

“We would love to! Barring the invitation is accepted!”

“Zands?”

“Well, no one knows about our situation so, I guess it can’t hurt. But no naughty talk! Keep it PG!”

“Aw, but I have so many questions!” The blondes exclaimed.

“Some things shouldn’t be asked.” Marley reminded, cleaning the steam from his glasses.

“Get the anti-fog next time. Cuts the glare and headaches,” Zandra offered.

So the couples chatted merrily on their stroll through the dizzy bumble bees. They stuck to favorite flowers, and food. Then they discussed restaurants and garden plans that would never live beyond dreams.

For lunch the couples was a family owned affair that then gentlemen knew about. This went swimmingly. They conversed as easily as old high school chums back in town for the reunion.

Then the more restrained of the men asked about the search for a baby.

“Oh, it’s stalled again. We came pretty close to finding a good donor, but there wasn’t anything about his personal or mental history. It was too much of a risk. I really wish we knew someone, but no one fits the one physical attribution I wanted.” 

“Oh, what was that?”

“Well, I’m to be the birth mother so I wanted something that would reflect Reenie.”

“She’s got a thing for natural blondes.” Zareen winked at the bespectacled lad.

“In my experience they have cheerier dispositions. Lord knows the kid is going to need it with my bag of anxiety.”

“That’s right! That’s why my man juice is in such high demand! Natural blonde and these eyes. I could charm the pants off anyone. The ones I do make some money off of is really good.”

“The ones you do?” Zareen questioned. “You mean there’s one’s you don’t?”

“Yeah,” Kit rubbed his glass sheepishly. “But I don’t want to talk about that.”

“You don’t want to talk about charity but you were willing to pose nude for a camera not 2 hours ago.” Marely sounded exhausted.

“That’s different. It would have been a picture of the two of us loving each other in all those pretty flowers.”

“Why is it never as innocent as that?” Zandra asked her fries.

“We took pictures last year for our anniversary in that garden!” Her wife retorted.

“For a grand 10 minutes.”

“I can’t help it if we were both hot. You were wearing that little sundress.”

“It was 90 degrees!”

“So we were only doing what came natural!”

“One track mind. It’s either 1 of 2 things or you tumble something around in there without talking to me and get depressed!”

“Oh, like I don’t know what that’s like! You get so wrapped up in your cases sometimes you forget to put on pants, and if you’re mad at me you construct this elaborate alternate universe where there’s this other version of me that you’re married to instead and so you blurt something so far out of left field I think I’ve gone mad half the time!”

“I said I’d work on it!” She crossed her arms.

“Well, I refuse to stop talking about your butt!” Zareen crossed her arms.

“Do you two argue a lot?” Marley asked gently.

“No, we fight.”

“Then we make up.”

“All couples fight. We just have serious communication problems stemming from our childhoods. At least I can admit it.”

“I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. You’re the one always trying to censor me.”

“In public. Around children. Some of the things you say could land you in jail for being lewd and disorderly.”

“Laws are stupid. I can’t help it I have a hot wife I “love” every other night.”

“That’s what I said!” Kit piped up. “I’ve got a smoking hottie that lets me get naughty and it’s amazing! I want to share that with the world to make it a better place like he’s made me a better man.”

“Couldn’t you have left out half of that?” His husband pinched the bridge of his nose.

“But Everlast, people don’t believe me because you’re so skinny. He hides his “gifts” under those baggy clothes.”

Zareen’s eyes grew big, her mouth fell open in awe, and she tugged at Zandra’s arm. “Babe! I knew it!  _ I knew it _ !”

“Knew what?” Marley looked up in confusion.

“Ugh. I’m sorry. Please forgive her. I’m married to an idiot.”

Taking a second to evaluate his life, he nodded as he replied, “I understand. I really do. We share that pain.” He reached across the table and patted her hand. “I forgive her, for her being herself.”

“Pft, screw you, buddy. I’m perfect.” Zareen held her wife tighter.

“Thank you,”Zandra looked deep into those blue eyes that mirrored her own. “It’s so hard to find someone who understands. Why did this happen to us?”

“Who knows? Maybe cupid is real and he’s playing a joke for all those Valentines I spent working away.”

“Maybe.”

Their partners were confused, but encouraged by this turn of events.


	5. Don't Ignore Zareen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hot honey dripping biscuits and phone calls oh my!

It was Thursday. Thursday was the most hated day of week for most people in the OBGYN office. Even Sophie’s weekly flowers were wilting. It was the slowest day of week so it was used to tidy up and finish paperwork. While most left early the good doctor,(who still went by Diamond to her patients), always worked well into the evening hours. Her only comfort was the dinner her wife brought every week. The whole office was a tad envious, except Sophie who merely giggled when she met Zandra out in the parking lot. 

“Sophie’s a total freak,” Zareen said as she ate her sandwich.

“Sophie is the most cultured lady I’ve ever met! She has the dignified grace of a duchess!”

“Yeah, the more of a lady they are in the streets, the more of a freak they are in the sheets. Isn’t that right, my little asexual street walker?”

“I do not present as an asexual. I just don’t go around pronouncing with a t-shirt and a thong.”

“Mm, that’s a combination that could work, if I didn’t know about all the increased risk of infection. 

“Had a teen in last month with a yeast infection like you wouldn’t believe. Lived in her three thongs for almost a year. I could smell that thing! Next time she comes she’s keeping her clothes on. I’ve already made a note in her file.”

Zandra was chuckling as she leaned over in the office chair to get her drink. 

“Girls these days. I blame the media. Saw a comic once where there was this high school girl who fight some alien in a thong until she changed into her leotard and hoodie. Honestly, who got paid to draw their sick pedophilic fantasy?”

“Don’t know. Happens way too much. I really think the age of consent should be raised. It’s still thirteen in some states.”

“Twisted. I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with those creeps. I might straggle them in the interview room.”

“You doing the Lord’s work. And the Devil’s. 

“Yelp, that backroom isn’t going to clean itself out.”

Standing up, she threw away her trash. 

“Wait, there’s an actual backroom to clean?”

“Of course. Come on, a good sweat is good for the heart!”

“So a couple of other things I could think of,” Zandra muttered as she swallowed the last bite of her sandwich and followed the doctor in a storage room.

It was a place for extras and odds that had no proper homes. The doctor was already elbow deep in resorting boxes, throwing dust in the air.

“Isn’t this what assistants are for?”

“They have lives. Besides, what’s wrong getting down and dirty?”

“Nothing, I just wish I wore more appropriate garments.” 

“Yeah, you should probably strip to save your good clothes.”

“Keep dreaming.” She started sorting the papers.

“And someday my dreams will come true.

“What use is a half broken vacuum?”

“Total trash.”

“‘K.” The item was junked into the hallway.

While the lawyer slowly went through each box, the blonde climbed over things and prairie-dogged out things. The vent didn’t work in the narrow room so they were both working up a good sweat. Zandra kept checking her phone while she worked, and answered emails.

Half an hour things were tossed out and re stacked against the wall until Zareen called out in triumph. She emerged from a box holding a metal wheel with spines that rotated on a handle.

“Is that-?”

“A Wartenberg wheel.” She spun it. “Not the typical type of equipment one expects to find in a Gynecologist's office, but I’ve always had an appreciation for some of the older instruments. This one was used to test nerve endings, although concerns of sterilization came up and plastic disposal were made available for use. However, the metal has such a more precise feel, not to mention the cold kiss of steel.” 

 Zandra eyes grew big. 

“I too have an appreciation for-uh- sturdier things in life.”

“Want to try it-?”

“God, yes!” 

They scrambled out of the closet and into an empty examination room, the defense attorney dropping her trousers into the chair, and bending over the table.

“Let’s see how sensitive you are. Hot or cold?”

“Cold.” 

Pin pricks trailed up her thigh, over her buttocks, and down the over thigh. There was a touch of pain, but it was like new nerves were growing in the wake of the wheel. The sensation was odd, but it was waking up her nether regions.

“Good?”

“Perfect, but doctor, I have something that needs your immediate attention.”

She climbed up onto the table.

“Okay, but you’ll have to remove your blouse.”

“Of course doctor,” Zandra smirked fishing the buttons from their holes savoring the attention she was getting.

“Oh, you wore that low-cut thing! I’m surprised you didn’t fall out.”

“I thought I was having sex!”

“Aren’t you?” The blonde arched an eyebrow.

“I haven’t started.”

“And yet, you’re experiencing increased heart, higher blood pressure, lubrication production,” a bare finger swiped her hole, “and acute swelling of the vulva and engorgement of the clitoris.”

“So lewd. You gonna do something about it or not?”

“You get to work too.” Out of the drawer she pulled out a personal wand. She plugged it in, and tossed it to her wife. “You work that,” she held up the wheel, “I’ll take care of the rest.”

“Teamwork is best.” The bulbous head was pressed against her clit, the vibrations set to her liking.

“I couldn’t agree more.” The wheel traced the swell of her breast spilling out of the teal lingerie with more bite and pressure keeping her between pain and pleasure. It built to a plateau that seemed to stretch forever. Toes curled in the stirrups. 

“Why c-can’t we ha-ha- have cuffs again?” 

“It would look funny. Not much all for restraints in an OBGYN office.” The wheel traveled down her stomach, growing in pain. “Bet this would hurt over such sensitive tissue.”

Zandra was on the edge, taking shallow breaths. She had moved the wand lower and the blonde picked the steel instrument and hovered the sharp points over her puffy clit. It was beautiful! Pain a breath away that she knew would never come because of the love and trust she had in her partner. 

“Oh God!” Zandra cried, ratcheting up the vibrations until she came.

“You’ve got pricks all over you.” Zareen removed her skirt, and blouse, and crawled up between  the suspended legs. 

“You can’t tell me you haven’t done that before.” Zandra decided flimsy bras were a waste of time.

“Maybe I just have very active imagination.” Reaching back she parted herself and settled herself over her wife, who bit her lip at the pressure.

“Are doctors allowed such imaginations?” She let her arms be pushed back over her head.

“Only in private.” She soothed her hands over Zandra’s arms, breasts and sides.

“How sturdy are these stirrups?” Her neck was being licked.

“Mmm, haven’t really tested them, but I don’t think it could handle someone trying to lift two adult’s weight.”

“You’re just saying that because you like to watch me squirm.”

“Mostly, it’s listening to the table creak.” She made a hard slow grind causing the wood hidden under the padded plastic to protest.

“You’re not going to try to recreate Lady Marmalade again, are you?”

“Nope. I wasn’t going to make love to you with any songs.”

“What was it?”

“Uh, I can’t remember. You’re boobs are staring at me, and they’re awfully cold.”

“You’re right. I should cover them up.”

“No- fine! It was Absolute Territory! It’s a sexy song!”

“You’re nearly forty-”

“Funny how the rules for rounding break when it comes to my age.”

The brunette grabbed a nipple just firm enough it wouldn’t slip out and dragged the doctor down to her face. 

“No silly songs. Just you, me, and the vibrator. Got it?”

“Maybe, but my boob hurts now. Kiss it and make it better. Doctor says that works.”

“You big baby.” Still she complied and went to working the tissue with her tongue while her partner went back to grinding, using the wand on her love and herself. The smell of their love making slowly overtook the smell of disinfectant and latex.  Zandra wanted to strain up, but the stirrups would bow under her efforts so she settled for moaning in the heat of their passions, enjoying the consuming gaze of her wife. 

When the grounding turned to long thrusts she knew the blonde was close. She leaned over, and the brunette offered her neck to be kissed. 

“I love you.”

“Love you too.” Hearing that, Zareen came with a grunt and a shutter. A faint ringing could be heard over the slick oozing over Zandra’s asshole. “Is that my phone?

“Fuck if I know. I think you need Ms. Magic wand some more.”

“Reenie, off! What if it’s the center?!”

Zareen slid off.

“They can leave a message! It’s bad for my health to leave your biscuit hot and dripping with honey!”

Zandra hopped off, fished in the fabric and answered it.

“Yes? That’s me.”

Zareen would not be ignored.

“Uh huh, yes, that’s correct. We just wanted to ask a few question family history in concerns to,” the doctor eased her wife’s free arm slowly secured it behind her back, then set the wand on it’s lowest setting and pressed it to the lawyer’s tit, “to-to discuss medical and m-m-mental concerns. It-it won’t take more than-than ha-ah-half an hour.” 

The wand left the mound wet, and went over her stomach and across her pelvis.

“Th-th-the 14th? Yes! That will beee just fine!”  She tried to lean back away from the distraction but found herself further in the blonde’s grasp, now the other breast was teased. “Whatever is easiest for you!” Her breath was hitching. “10? Yes! Yes! We’ll be there! Thank you so much!”

The phone was tossed into the pile and whipped around.

“You horrible brat! What were you doing?!”

“You sound so pretty. We really should get a recording.”

“That was the center!”

“And you were ignoring me.”

“Congratulations, you’ve got my full attention. Bend over that table!”

“Yes, ma’am!”

*****

Sometime after the blonde’s ass had been slapped to both’s satisfaction, they were cleaning up and redressing.

“So are you going to make it?”

Zareen was wiping down the table. 

“Of course! My baby’s getting a baby! I’m so happy. Let’s get ice cream on the way home.”

“But sugar keeps you up.”

“And the chocolate makes you randy.”

“That’s a myth. I’m getting a sugar free lemon.”

“Mmm, then I’m getting that blueberry compote.”

They finished dressing and cleaned up their dinner.

“Do you think it’s too early to plan a name?”

“You mean you haven’t started already?”

“Thinking about the nursery.”

“Oh, we should pick out colors after the meeting.” She wrapped an arm around her wife as they went out into the dark and chilly parking lot.

“Really?” Zandra snickered into her hand.

“What?”

“Two lesbians in a hardware store. I feel like there’s a bad joke in there somewhere.”

“After we pick out paint samples, we can visit the drills.” 

“Why? So you can look at them like the clueless idiot you are?”

“No, because it’s a rare chance to see a tool in your hands.” 

“Dork.” 

The went home, daydreaming over nursery designs over ice cream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sophie knows what's up.


	6. Dicks and Titties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our favorite couple meet a prospect donor and have to make a decision.

It was 10 o’clock on a Saturday. Zareen had to threaten a few babies to not even think about being born early, but she made it and was counting the seconds they had been left waiting while her wife worried her hand behind them. The donor was 20 minutes late and it was doing nothing for their nerves. The facilitator had already called and was told he was on his way.

The blonde was getting annoyed. Her wife was getting ready to hyperventilate. 

The guest of honor finally arrived in baggy clothes, smelling suspicious, and shoving his mirrored sunglasses over his dark roots and frosted tips, before falling into the seat, legs spread out like he owned the plate.

“Ladies, this is Mr.Dİdem.”

“Tiger’s fine. I’m not giving free-bees, not even for you gorgeous.” He kissed the air in Zareen’s direction.

“No! No! We just had some questions about family history and the like,” Zandra assured him.

“Yes, like who raised you?” Zareen nearly snapped.

“Mom was cop, so I was on my own a lot. She’s still alive, thinking about retirement. Never knew my pop. He was out of the picture long before I came along.”

“Mr.Dİdem is currently enrolled college,” offered the facilitator.

“Yeah, working on my C.A.D. degree.”

“You have an interest in computers and design?” the lawyer inquired.

“Yeah, you could say that.”

“And exactly how long have you been working on that degree?” Followed up her wife.

“Well, it’s been a few years, but that’s only because the dean had it out for me and suspended me for a year.”

“Is that right?” Zareen wasn’t liking this.

“Um, any history with mental illness? Depression? Anxiety? Eating disorders?”

“Nope, nope, and double nope. My protein intake is dope. My mom had an aunt that had some weird thing about raising hamsters. Never sold any. Just created a hamster kingdom. I wasn’t allowed to visit her.”

Zandra looked hopeful at her wife. “I could live with that.”

They chatted some more until the agreed on time was upon them and they parted. The couple going to a cafe to mull things over and eat.

“A little rough, but I think he’ll work.” Zandra stabbed at the salad she was required to eat at least once a week now.

“Sure, if you like douches that are also jerks. And you know my professional opinion on douches.” Zareen was working on her water, having finished her meal.

“No one said we had to like him. We just need DNA. I’m reasonably satisfied.”

“I’m a little on the fence, but if it’s what will make you happy.”

“Yeah. I think it’ll work. I mean, his mother was an officer, so there’s a lot of desirable traits there. And he’s in college.” 

“Still. Who gets kicked out of college?” Zareen asked Zandy’s barely touched salad.

“It couldn’t be that bad, since he passed the background check.”

“Ehh….”

“Eh? Eh, what?”

“They only check for federal convictions and charges. They don’t worry about misdemeanors.” 

“Why didn’t you say so?”

“I didn’t want to give you one more thing to worry about on top of the seven billion you invented.”

“Well, it can’t be too bad if they let him back. Maybe it was just poor grades.”

“True. Very true.

“You gonna finish that salad, or do I have to tempt you?” Zareen raised her eyebrow as the lawyer’s eyes lowered.

“You can’t make salad sexy.”

“What you lack, dearest, is imagination.” 

A tomato was speared. 

“Maybe. It’s still like tasting like a burger.”

“You like my tomatoes.”

“They’re home grown.”

“Finish it and I’ll let you raid my garden.”

Zandra snorted into her hand.

“Stop it! We’re adults and we’re going to have a baby!”

“Adult stuff rules. I’ll throw in a slice of cheesecake.”

“‘K. For the cake!”

“What about me?!”

“Brat.”

An afternoon out, and they returned home with food for the week and ended up watching some old british show together before heading to bed. Zandra snuggling close because, “it was freezing.”

***

“Your honor, my client insists that he was merely acting as a good simaritain and insuring the safety of the woman. As previously stated, the coworker she was seen with may have had questionable intentions. Who among us wouldn’t follow a coworker for three hours, and then secretly enter her home and place ourselves in a vantage point to spring forth to help, should the need raise? If anything, he’s guilty of being too law abiding.”

“Ms. Mutra-Diamond, we’re not here to argue intent. We’re here to determine if he did in fact stalk a woman he had sexually harassed for weeks, and break into her home.”

“R-right.” She pushed her glasses up her raw nose. “B-but what is the difference between stalking and surveillance? Do the police “stalk” persons of interest? The actions are the same. So isn’t the difference intention?”

It was at this point her bearded client decided to speak up.

“I must have the stand!”

“Oh God, no.” The defense attorney slapped her face. “You’re honor, I object on the grounds he could say something to incriminate himself.”

“I’ll allow it. Mr. Draeb-Kcen, approach the stand.”

The young man waddled over, was sworn in and recounted the tall of how he was trying to save the lady fair from a rapscallion of questionable intent. Revealing how he had stalked them through their date, broken into her house and hid in her closet. Zandra moved that his testimony be stricken from the record and was denied again. The judge ruled in favor of the state and granted the plaintiff her restraining order.

“His last words were, “What? Can’t a guy just be nice?!” He tried to run, but tripped over the hem of his magically baggy pants and hit the floor so hard I think his nose is broken.”

“I didn’t think they made pants for elephants.”

Zareen poured some more oil over her wife’s rock hard shoulders.

“Elephants smell better than him. I almost wish he didn’t get probation. He’d force him to shower in jail. Oh, harder!” A thumb dug into a sore muscle.

“I bet he blames her for over reacting.”

“Yup. Don’t you know? Women never want to have sex unless it’s with three hundred and fifty pounds of stink.”

“If I had a hundred buck for every time I heard that in the office.”

“You’d be forced to prostitution.”

“Speaking of whores. Did you decided about Grudge-dude?”

“Tiger?” She turned her head, wishing they had a massage table and not just their bed. “I’m still leaning towards him. It just feels safe.”

“Safe, huh?” She focused on the neck, working the oil in to help loosen the muscles

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know. Is having a kid supposed to be safe?”

“Duh! Of course it is! I could die. The baby could die. Both of us could die. We have to minimize risks.”

“I guess. Maybe I was hoping for a little more passion. Then again I thought being in OBGYN would be a jolly holiday.”

“If there-ah!  _ Yes! Right fucking there!” _

“You were saying, dear?”

“Fuck, I don’t remember. I’m melting into a jello.”

“Sexy jello?”

“No. I need a nap. Besides, when I go on the hormones I’m likely to ride you so long and hard, you’ll be limping to work and staying late to avoid me. So I’ll call you and angry-cry at you.”

“As heavenly as that sounds, I doubt it’ll be all that bad. Bloating, mood swings, and tender breasts. I never saw anyone come in with a traumatized family member.”

Zandra moaned as the greasy hands squeezed down her waist to the sore knot in the small of her back.

“I miss my birth control. I didn’t cramp so hard on it.”

A phone buzzed and was ignored in favor of soothing the blushing flesh. It buzzed some more.

“Ugh! Is that teen that ready to pop?”

“Probably not. Her mom would call. My hands are a mess. Could you?” The doctor gestured with her shining hands to the buzzing device. Her wife rolled over to grab it, then back for her session to continue. “Who is it?”

“Um, a shirtless dude? No, dudes.” She read off the caption. “Marley Bunny had a late night and is now sleeping. So cute! Naturally,  _ I  _ didn’t have anything to do with that. Winky face.

“Oh, I guess it’s Marley’s taking a nap on Kit. I guess the two of you are friends now?”

“Yeah, I finally found someone who can appreciate the depths of my devotion to another human.” Leaning over she kissed Zandy’s cheek. “He still can’t understand it. No one can. You just strap in and ride it at seven Gs and hope your pelvis doesn’t snap.”

The doctor went back to rubbing the sore back muscles.

“He’s gonna kill him.”

“Sexy murder-suicide pact?”

“No,” Zandra said, taken back and confused as to where the hell it came from. “Marley. I don’t think he wanted such an intimate picture shared.”

“Yeah, he’s up tight. Oo! Speaking of pictures. Your hair looks particularly enchanting. Shall I?”

“Polaroid. I’m topless, and I’m not risking showing up on backhoe-sluts.com because you lose your phone.”

The blonde scrambled to the closet and held up an old polaroid camera with triumphant. 

“Give me your best, Morris!” She aimed to camera at Zandra who hid behind her hand.

“No, I hate that thing! You have to be in it too.”

Zareen snapped a few, always eager to see the candid shots, as she climbed into bed, falling next to her wife, kissing her cheek and snapping a picture.

The two tumbled in over the sheets into each other's arms giggling, and exchanging kisses to the sound of the camera clicking and shedding photos.

Eventually, the tom-foolery became heated, and the camera was abandoned. It’s last picture it took was a excited blonde grinning like a fool into the glass eye, her wife grabbing her shoulders, a soft smirk on her redden lips as she looked at her next meal.

  
  


*********

“Dicks and titties! Dicks and titties! Gonna watch some dicks and titties!” Zareen sang as jumped over the top of the sofa with a bowl of grapes, ready for their favorite fantasy show. Zandra admired the rich political and cultural clashes and rich mythology, and Zareen liked… “Fix that floppy dick for them fine titties!”

She settled next to the brunette chewing the end of her pencil as she looked over her binder. 

“I think this is the one. Not perfect, but I haven’t had any nightmares or nagging feelings since we met him.” She opened her mouth and accepted a grape. 

“Such a high praise. I’m getting jealous.” Zareen retracted her fingers to bring a grape to her own lips.

“What do you think?” The binder was shifted over to the blonde’s lap. It was open to highly annotated page.

“Is this college douche?”

“Um, yes?”

“Oh, well, I’m sure most of his faults could have been fixed by an attentive parent...or a belt.”

“I thought we agreed. No corporal punishment!”

“You weren’t complaining last week.”

“You aren’t a small child.”

“Mm,” Zareen smirked, “Aren’t I though?”

“No, children don’t-”

“Oo! Look! Elf boob!” Her finger whipped towards the scene on the screen.

“Or maybe not.

“Lemonpop!” 

“That ass gets toner every season. Yes, love of my life?”

“The donor?”

“He doesn’t have a boner. Oh  _ donor _ ! Yeah, he works. At least he has my confidence.”

“Arrogance.”

“Strong jaw.”

“I’ll make the appointment Monday morning.”

“Text me. I’m gonna be there when you get your froyo.”

“Try that one again,” Zandy wasn’t having it.

“Enchantress of my heart. I will fight the fiends of Hell to stand witness to the beginning of our love given human form.” The doctor kissed her hand, then the shirt over her wife’s belly.

“Romantic fool.” Zandra blinked the tears from her eyes to embrace her partner. “We’re doing this! We’re having a baby!”

“Yup.” The embrace grew tighter.

“We’re having a baby!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for nothing.


	7. It's Apa!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apa is the 2nd best character ever. His purity will lift your soul.

“So we’re now we just have to wait until I’m ovulating and then we can call in for an appointment for the insemination!” 

“That’s great, sis! What’s in your kit?”

The two people approached the front door.

“The usual, basal thermometer, and a way to monitor hormone levels. Reenie’s excited about it.”

Zandra shouldered her bag as she inserted her key into the lock.

“I can imagine. I’m gonna be uncle! That means I can drop my kids off with you, right?”

“Ha ha! No. It’s going to be tough enough as-”

“Happy ovulation kit day!” A very nude Zareen popped up from the couch. “Apa! Nice to see you. How’s Mandy and Alice?”

The poor man was shielding his eyes and studying the mail table.

“Nice to see a surprising amount of you, Zareen. You’re-uh looking well?”

“I am well. Thanks for noticing.”

“WHY ARE YOU NAKED IN THE LIVING ROOM?!”

“Celebrating.”

“I told you my brother was visiting!”

“He can be naked, too. I don’t mind. He’s my brother now. Oo! Does that mean I hug him?”

“PUT ON SOME CLOTHES!”

“Geez, you’re usually not this up tight when I’m nude.”

“Am I interrupting something?” Apa hadn’t dared look up.

“No, I’m fine.”

“CLOTHES!”

“Fine, fine.”

After a change into clothes and the tea was broken out. Family business exchanged and everyone was updated. The doctor was still protesting everyone’s pants.

Apa was taking a break from the house. Alice was going through a musical phase involving pans and yowling. On top of a four month pregnant wife, he needed a couple of hours out of the house.

He had plenty of stories about Amanda’s first pregnancy and 

tips for it all. Most of it is what Zareen had already warned about, but she knew it was important for him to get it out.

“You told mom yet?” Apa checked his phone.

Zandra refilled her glass.

“Not yet. We don’t know if it’s gonna take. Reenie says it often take three or four times before it takes. Don’t want to overwhelm her since she already has another grandbaby on the way. Speaking of which, what can I get you for a baby shower gift? I figured you have most of what you need in the attic.”

“Besides a time machine so I can keep a somewhat human sleep cycle? Oh, the biggest box of diapers amazon can ship would be great. We’re stockpiling early this time.”

“What’s your brand?”

“Tushie Tuckers. They don’t use that refining chemical that broke out Alice.”

“Why aren’t there more regulations on those things?”

“Big business and government,” the blonde sighed. “How is that brand with leakage?”

“Good until they start crawling, then things like to work themselves loose. But we have a cover for that.”

“Do you know the sex?” His sister asked.

“Baby keeps playing coy. Always turned away from the ultrasound.”

“Names?” 

“Alex, or Cyprine, Patite, or Christine, or Sam. We can’t decide. I’m leaning towards Alex, but Mandy likes Patite and Sam for some reason.”

“I like Sam or Alex, nice multi-purpose names.” Zareen leaned back in her chair. “I mean both sound good when being chanted during sex, so you can’t go wrong.”

“Reenie!” Her wife chastised.

“What?”

“Can we not talk about my precious babies’s possible future?” Apa was looking a little pale.

“‘K. They might be aces, but someone might have a lonely wank to their gorgeous eyes.”

“I’m going to use your bathroom.” The hulk of man excused himself. As one wife glared ice picks at the other.

“Stop traumatizing my brother!” 

“What? He likes boobs! He should have taken a picture. Or would Amanda be upset by that? Well, she my sister so-”

“No! Mine! My sister-in-law!”

“But what’s mine is yours and yours is mine.”

“That’s no how laws work! And you don’t talk about babies having sex!”

“Why not? They’ll grow up and chances are likely they’ll have sex or want to explore their bodies! That’s life!”

“The baby isn’t even born yet! You sound like a pedophile!”

“I take offense at that! You know better and anyone who knew me would!” 

Apa decided to brave coming back and sat down to witness the domestic.

“It’s not appropriate! Not everything ends in sex!”

“The odds are in its favor!”

It was ugly.

“Okay, so everyone is upset, so let’s take some breaths.”

The women snorted like bulls ready to charge.

“Now, Zareen, why are you upset?”

“She’s blowing things out of portion again. Plus, I don’t think it’s healthy to keep deny what is ingrained by nature. Sex keeps life going, but she wants to act like it’s some shameful thing to be hidden.”

“And what do you want her to do to fix it.”

“I want an apology, and want her to stop freaking out about stuff I say in the privacy of my own home with loved ones.”

“Okay, Sandy, why are you upset?”

“She knew what she said was going to upset you, but she did it anyway!”

“Okay, so you’re not upset with what she did to you?”

“No, she was rude to you.” Zandra had crossed her arms and wasn’t looking at anyone.

“Okay. Sis, I love you, and you’ll always be my big sister, but I’m an adult. If I have a problem with something she says or does I will discuss it with her. Sound good?”

“Yeah, I guess that does make sense. Hard to let go, I suppose.”

“Good.” Apa turned to Zareen who had her legs swung over the arm of her chair. “Zareen, please do not discuss my children’s or future children’s sex life. I’m more worried about baby sitters at the moment and it’s not a pleasant subject for me.” He kept the tone even and neutral. 

“‘K,” her foot bounced and she was still heated.

“I’m sorry Apa, Reenie. I’ll work on it.”

“Awesome.” He stood and smacked his pants. “Now, let’s go for a walk!”

“Oh no!” Cried his sister.

“Why?” Moaned his sister-in-law.

“Break the bad habit. We’ll get some fresh air, and feel good and we won’t be back here bringing it up. Then the make up sex.”

“Apie!” Zandra was shocked.

“Studies show it’s perfect for rebuilding intimacy and relationship bonds.”

“Did  _ she  _ send those?”

“No, our pastor. Now I know you can fight naked, so that wouldn’t do you any good, so calm talking, and walking.”

“Then loving,” the doctor chimed in. “We do have that basal thermometer to play with. That’s why I was naked to begin with.”

“See? Fun to be had by all!” Grabbing the ladies, he hugged them in his massive arms. “First that walk.”

Neither looked keen about it.

* * *

“Boy or girl?”

“It’s ninety seven point two.” The doctor removed the thermometer and wiped the lube off it.

“No.” Her wife closed her legs and redressed. “Which are you hoping for.”

“A healthy delivery for baby and mommy.”

Zandra’s eyes stung. “Aw,sweetie!” With force she embraced the blonde who finished putting away the equipment. 

“What?”

“That’s the first time anyone called me that.”

“You like it now, but when you’re trying to take a dump and you hear it fifty times on the door, you might feel differently.”

“Reenie-Mommy.” Zandra mused. “Sounds good.” A quick peck on the cheek before letting go so they could finish getting ready for bed. “How much longer?”

“A week or so. You’re not very regular.”

“Does sex help it?”

“Doesn’t hurt.”

The lawyer fell against the pillows. 

“I want it now! I want to go crib shopping, and pick out tiny dresses and fight over names! Between our lists we found a pediatrician but we still need to look at schools!” Then like it just dawn on her, “Omigod! Schools! We’re going to parent-teacher conferences! I never liked talking to the teacher. Maybe you should go.”

The doctor leaned over and kissed her wife. 

“One thing at a time,” she stressed.

Zandra closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“One thing. Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want Apa and Maj (Roommates) to be rugby players together. They would have a beautiful friendship!!!!  
> Don't do drugs and edit peeps.  
> Find someone that would celebrate Ovulation Kit day for you.


	8. The Gay Baby-Fairy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's the brother of the MP Fairy.

One week later…

“Hello, ladies!” Sang the portly man in a white coat. “I see only one of you is nude. Good start. Mornin’, doctor!” He greeted Zareen.

“Mornin’, doctor.” She returned, holding her trembling wife’s hand cold with the cotton smock she was wearing on the table.

“How is everyone today?” He asked, sanitizing his hands.

“Still gay.”

“Still wants my baby!”

“Oh good!” The specialist sat on his stool, looking over the tools. “Same here.”

With a snort, Zareen laughed. 

“Franky you ole poof, the sun’s gonna turn cold before you change!”

“It’s true, so true.” He nodded. “Like the boys so much I can’t pick one. Gotta catch ‘em all, as the kids say.”

“Ha! Good one! You have fun with that. We’re having a blast ourselves.”

The gloves went on with a snap. “So I’ve been noticing.”

“Reenie! You liar! You said he couldn’t tell!” The lawyer screeched to the amusement of the doctors.

“Lollipop, it’s nothing really! He can’t tell if it me or you blowing your balloon.”

“Doctors are liars.” Zandra huffed, crossing her arms.

“Just manipulators of the truth. A bit.

“Now, this may or may not result in a pregnancy. The best time to check is going to be the three days before your period. If we have a baby bean, you’ll come in and we’ll check the attachment to the uterine wall.

“If not, we’ll wait until next month. All test show you should have no problem conceiving, but nature is never perfect.

“Now, we have the sample stored in this lovely wand. It’s going to be inserted into her cervix and then, pop, push the the plunger and the jolly lads are released to do what they do best. You will feel some discomfort.”

“Gonna feel like a bad pap smear times a hundred, love button.”

The brunette squeezed her wife’s hand. “I can do it.”

“Sounds good. There may also be some spotting afterwards.” He picked up the wand, “Just one last thing. Doctor? Do you want the honor of pushing the button?”

“You mean, I can knock up my own wife?”

“Sure, I have to do the jabing but you can do the squirting. That way if it doesn’t work you get the blame.”

They had a chuckle over that.

“Zands? What do you want?”

“Iwantyoutodoit!” She blurted out in an almost intelligible string of sounds. It seemed like she was holding it back for sometime. “Please?”

“If the gay baby-fairy says it’s okay, then I’d be happy to.”

“The  _ flaming _ gay baby-fairy says, so long as it stays in this room. Same rule I have for my pants and my dick.”

Zareen nodded. “Must be quite the strain.”

There was a long suffering sigh. 

“Not for the ladies. I may be doing my mother proud, but I don’t think this is what she had in mind.” Lubrication was rubbed onto the wand. “But, I came out and offered the doctor a blow job and rejected the tit.”

The OBGYN laughed. “That’s why I sent my cutie to you. She has a habit of hitting on doctors.

“It was only the two times!” Zandra mumbled. 

“Just teasing. You might want to hold your breath and think of my dick.”

“Here comes the pinch!” The wand was inserted. Pain ripped in a place she didn’t know she had. “Husband?”

Zareen slipped down. “Wife still.”

“Take the end, and push the button all the way.”

She pushed it in quickly, wanted the discomfort to end as soon as possible.

“And there we go!” Out came the wand. “A successful session. Now it’s up to father nature.”

“Don’t you mean mother-” groaned Zandra.

“No, I need to surrounded by a strong masculine presence.”

“I don’t look forward to your funeral, man.”

“Make sure it’s the Chip n’ Dale boys in assless chaps. Hmm! I want to frost their cookies!”

“I’m dying! Where’s my baby?”

“It’ll clear up. I’ll send the nurse in with some aspirin, and I think it’s best you go home and put your feet up. Stay in bed, watch some movies. Make Mrs. Kiki do all the work around the house.”

Standing back by Zandra’s side she soothed her arm.

“Don’t worry. My queen will be treated like a princess.”

“You’re not getting near me, forever.” The lawyer growled. 

“Aw, it’ll heal. We’ll talk later. Lady love makes Franky sick.”

The doctor finished making notes, and washing up.

“I’ll never understand it, but it’s not for me to say. Best of luck ladies. I’m keeping my fingers crossed!”

“I’m keeping my legs crossed.” Getting her legs down Zandra held herself.

“I warned you. I’d suggest a heating pad but could cruddle your mayo.”

“I want ice cream and a positive test. I’ve never failed a test. When do we check?”

“Wednesday. Try to keep your stress low at work.”

“I can do that!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and gents! Place your bets!


	9. "I don't care for penis, thank you."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm being sneaky.

“Your honor, my name is not Meaf! This is all a campaign of harassment started by that person over there!” They pointed at a stoic figure, stirring a cup of tea no one knew where it had come from.

“You can’t even blame auto-correct, toe sniffer!”

“I don’t sniff toes!”

Untangling her hands from her blue yarn, Zandra was quick to point out slander. And with the bang of the gavel Kale was granted her court fees from the defendant and Zandra stabbed her ball of knots with her crochet needles.

The court dismissed, the brunette was on her way out when her least favorite person decided to see in trial.

“Finally won one, huh, Mutra?”

Her soul tried to leave her body. 

“It’s Mutra-Diamond, Bob. I went through the trouble of legally changing it, you can go through the trouble pronouncing two extra syllables.”

“Oh, pardon me,  _ Mrs. Thang. _ Maybe if you could be bothered to properly prepare for a case you wouldn’t lose half the time. However are you allowed to keep that desk of yours?”

Her slapping hand was itchy.

“Listen, Bob, if a straight unicorn punches you in the balls and gives you the gifts of sympathy and common sense, call me. Until then, I’m under doctor’s orders to avoid stress. So, if need be, I’ll put a restraining order against you.”

Resuming her walk she heard rushed footsteps behind her.

“Sandy! Wait.”

She stopped and beseech the heavens for strength.

“What now, Bob? Don’t you have a failing marriage to get back to?”

Slightly winded, he had to take a few seconds to regain his breath.

“You weren’t joking, were you? Like, I know you’re wife’s a doctor. Is that a lesbian thing or something?”

The headache was coming back. She pinched the bridge of her nose.

“No. It’s no one’s business, but we’re trying to start a family. We had our first appointment a few days ago and stress can discourage it from taking.”

“Oh, cool. I-I didn’t know you were-were doing that.” Now his seventy dollar tie was too tight. 

“Yeah, well, I think I’d rather be crushed by a fat republican than discuss my private life with you.”

Shifting her briefcase, she got out her car key.

“So, you picked-a what? A friend or, did you-ya know?”

Safely in her car, she started it up.

“Good day, Bob. May you be transferred to Alabama.”

****

“How am I supposed to get through life without wine?” She stayed late at the office under the theory leaving work to be done was more stressful than doing it. Now she was changing her shirt for her dinner date.

“Yoga?” Her wife, brushing her hair offered. “Huh.”

“Huh, what?” Sticking her head around the corner she corned Zareen sticking her face into the mirror, inspecting the roots at the top of her head.

“Got some silver in my gold,” she mused a bit, “Now we’ll be two silver foxes! Twice the foxiness!”

But instead of looking as joyful as she sounded, she kept her eyes in the mirror. A figure joined her, wrapping its arms around her reflection, kissing her neck.

“Hey, when you’re loving me hard enough, I can’t see what color your hair is.” The still blonde looked down, squeezing the arms around her back.

“Yeah,” she said, tinted with some remorse.

“And, if I wasn’t starving, I’d stay home and eat you.”

That got a snicker. “Such a shame neither man nor woman can live on puss alone.”

“That’s why you need to go into research so you can cure world hunger. Now come on, neither one of us is getting younger or more fed standing around here.”

Freshened up they went to a hole in the wall restaurant where the music came from a band and not a box. There were crumbling brick columns from when it was a basement, then converted into a speakeasy. A place where smoke covered illegal exchanges, now it hosted more colorful clients.

In their favorite booth they were daydreaming about a future nursery, debating the merits of blue vs green paint when someone called out to them.

“Za-Za! Zandy! It is you!” Zareen found herself in a bear hug that left her very confused.

“Kit?” Zandra put down her glass. “Is-?”

The bespectacled brunette popped up and tapped his husband on the shoulder, a reminder that people had lungs.

“Marley, Kit! This is a surprise.”

“Ugh, my ribs are bruised.”

“Sorry about that,” Kit shrugged sheepishly.

“Are you busy, or can you join us?” Zandra asked, subconscious scooting closer to her wife, who draped her arm over her shoulder to draw comfort after her ordeal.

“Only if it’s not an imposition,” Marley replied, throwing a glare at Kit who tried to embrace his husband.

“Not in the least,” replied Zandra.

“Sit your asses down before those teens behind you have to be charged for looking,” finished Zareen.

“What?!” Marley sat quickly, looking around in alarm while the blondes laughed and the lawyer giggled behind her hand.

“Sorry, sugar pole. But your expression is priceless,” Kit went for some shoulder action himself and was rebuffed.

“There’s no winning when there’s two of them,” remarked Marley.

“Or, twice the winning,” Zandra said cryptically.

That raised an eyebrow. Some drinks and dessert were ordered.

“You two seem, close, tonight,” observed Marley.

“Yeah…” Zareen wistfully remembered the kiss that graced her cheek in front of the UPS man as she left for work.

“We’ve been on a good wave length lately. How are the two of you?” Zandra asked.

“Great! Last week we bought this rope and-!”

“Built a swing! Outside! For one person at a time!”

Kit huffed, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall.

“Great weather for outdoor projects. How work?”

“Well, I’m trying to reduce my stress, so I’ve just accepted that I’m the loser tested with the biggest inbreed meth heads that ever drank a beer. Every once in a while, mercy is shown to me and I get a real person to defend, but those moments must be earned.”

“It’s rough. Real rough. But Kit had a promising interview.”

“Yeah! It was Cock It! Underwear!”

“Underwear?” The brunettes asked in unison.

“Cool, dude.” Zareen gave a thumbs up and went back to remembering the cute way the tips of Zandra’s eyes turn pink when she’s blushing hard.

Kit nodded while finishing his drink.

“Modeling. It pays decent, and I think I can get other gigs.”

“You didn’t say it was underwear!” Marley hissed under his breath.

“Because you’d worry. But it’s fine! The world can drool over my cake, but you’re the only one who gets a slice.”

“Well, maybe I’m not comfortable with the world thinking you’re available.” Crossing his legs he nursed his drink.

“I don’t think the mates of the Victoria Angels are complaining. They’re bedding the hottest woman in the world. I say flaunt it in everyone’s jealous face,” offered Zareen who’s attention snapped back to reality.

“That might be fine for those people, but my husband is not some mere eye candy that people can get their jollies off. He is a whole, irresponsible, loud-mouth, half-assed, well meaning idiot, and the only person staring at his half nude ass is me, and I keep telling you to wear a towel around your waist! Not your head!”

“You’re yelling, but I so want to blow you right here, right now.”

“Ah! Please! Don’t mind us!” Zareen waved her arm and held Zandra tighter.

“No!” The glasses wearers shouted in unity, Marley keeping his husband at arm’s length.

“But sweet cheeks!”

“We don’t mind.”

“Yes, we do! Sex is public is illegal and I’d have to report them or risk a mark on my license!”

“See?! She’s gonna call the cops!”

Kit’s eyes grew sharp, and dark, looking over at Zareen with a coded message.

“Oh, I think she could be distracted,” he smirked like a cat ready for the kill.

“Then I’ll do it! No, Kitty!”

“But Kitty wants his milk!”

“No!”

“Cats are lactose intolerant,”recited Zandra, who had turned slightly pink and was trying to disappear into her wife.

Zareen was very amused and seemed to want this to turn into a porno with free popcorn. Kit had to admit defeat, and returned to his seat.

“Gay kitties drink milk,” he pouted.

Marley straighten his shirt and gave his partner a look that expressed an unpleasant conversation was waiting for them at home.

“Some kitties need-” thinking better of it, Marley apologized, and changed the subject. “How is your search for a donor going?”

“We found someone suitable. Our first appointment was Saturday, so we should know if it takes any day now.”

“Oh! How wonderful! I took you for the overly cautious type, so I’m glad you found someone you like.”

Zareen shrugged, and her wife nodded, holding the hand on her shoulder.

“We’re very excited! We’re holding off baby names until we get the positive result, but that hasn’t stopped us from throwing some around.”

“Congratulations!” offered Marley. He husband had a different reaction.

His hands slammed down on the table. “Wha?! But I thought we were going to have beautiful babies together and then I could be a baby daddy!”

“Don’t baby daddy’s usually have sex with the mother?” Asked Zareen.

“I am willing to do that.” Kit assured. “That alright, love of my life?”

“No!”

“I don’t care for penis, thank you. I’m married.”

“Yeah, I don’t know if I’m down with watch someone water my wife’s flower bed. Even if I’m petting her petals.”

Marley pinched the bridge of his nose, under his glasses. “Why?”

“But, doughnut holes! She has your eyes, and your boobs!”

“Stop imaging me with feminine breasts! I can’t believe we have to have this conversation again!”

“I can’t help it if I have an active imagination!”

“You mean perverted!”

“The two aren’t mutually exclusive!”

“Our marriage is!”

“Alright! Alright! We get it!” Zareen stepped in, “You love each other so much it’s hard to pull out long enough to get a new cond-oof!” A pinch in her side silenced her.

“And yet, here we are.” Marley stared into his wine. “Maybe we should talk to someone.”

“Wanna talk to my pet snake?” Kit nudged his partner.

“We could recommend some therapists,” said Zandra.

That surprised Marley. “Really?”

“I’m perfect, but a third person helps iron out the wrinkles between us.”

“What Reenie means to say, is no relationship is perfect and often we model ourselves off our parents. So it’s a constantly recreating of negative behaviors.”

They spent the next hour or so going into deep discussion. The couples would split occasionally when a subject of interest of only half the party would come up. They got so wrapped up that the hour grew late and were caught in a drizzle. So when everyone got back home they had to change out of their damp pants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Here comes the rain...~


	10. Just What The Doctor Ordered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who ordered the zmut?!

Someone must have complained about the rain because it was replaced in the morning by a bright and merciless sun, hell bent on steaming the citizens of the fair city in their very vestments. It was the perfect day for the air conditioner to break at the clinic. The senior doctor on staff, naturally, had the day off, but suggested the staff hand out chilled water bottles and put fans on the north side windows, then wished them luck.

Zareen was the doctor on staff and was looked to for leadership. A little bit of heat wasn’t going to slow her down or throw her off. With a smile, she straightened her necklace, readjusted her wedding ring and directed Sophie to buy a ice chest, and fill it with ice, water bottles and soda pop. 

That way the visitors were somewhat appeased, but she also had one of the assistants to call the patients that could be rescheduled and give them a choice to come on a day when the office didn’t feel like a sauna.

It was a long day, most people decided to keep their appointment. On the bright side, the heat stole her appetite, so she was able to work through lunch, and moved her afternoon patients up by a couple minutes, so it almost kept the peace.

By four in the afternoon the ice had all melted and people’s faces took on a heavy sheen and carnelian hue. The heat had weighed everyone down making even their minds sluggish and their tempers short. The only ones who had immunity were the doctor, and Sophie who was calm to the point of seeming distant when she wasn’t giggling at her phone. 

Dr. Diamond didn’t have a fiancée who sent her cute pictures and memes all day, but she did have a secret stash of make up in the bathroom. Just as she was putting her lipstick back on, she heard a shouting from the waiting room. Checking her watch she noted she was five minutes behind for her next appointment.

Approaching, the door she was stopped by a secretary warned her about what awaited her. Apparently, it was one of her third trimester women, who had grown enraged at the slight delay, under the impression that she had been waiting twenty minutes instead of five. 

Zareen took a deep breath, and prepared her best “happy to see you face.” A pity the woman only saw it for so brief a time, as she passed out almost as soon a the door opened.

Knowing it was most likely being overheated, she ordered ice packs and an ambulance while she took vitals and tried to revive her.

It was a long day.

Luckily, that was her last patient of the day so she was able to stay with her until they got to the hospital. It was a simple case of heat exhaustion, and mommy and baby were fine, but nothing in a hospital moves any any sense of urgency.

The sun had been down a while before she dragged herself home, heels in hand. Her wife was lying on the couch strangely quiet.

“Hey, night owl, thought you’d be working. Trying that relaxing thing?”

There was no answer.

“Any dinner left? I went straight home from the hospital. They’re fine. I think the father is the most shook up.”

Still no answer.

Thinking Zandra was sleeping, she peeked over and say the pregnancy test on the table.

Not Pregnant.

If she was younger, she’d be celebrating, but ironically, this time it brought dread.

Zandra wasn’t sleeping. Her eyes were open, staring and unseeing at the space in front of her.

As a professional, she’d half expected this, but her wife did nothing half way.

Moving to join her she gently touched her arm, rubbing it.

“Hey. Want to talk?”

No reaction.

“Want to cuddle?”

So they spent some time on the sofa, not saying anything, just holding each other until they gathered the strength to go to bed and continue taking comfort in the touch another. The weight and warmth of a body to keep them from tumbling off the face of the planet.

***

Zandra knew all they had to do was wait another month. It was pretty silly to feel the way she did, but that still didn’t stop her from feeling it. As she always did when hurt, she retreated deep inside of herself. Watching the world like her eyes were the screens of a robot she was controlling. It was hard to eat since she had no appetite, but she knew that she had to or make herself sick and that would make things even worse for conceiving a child, if there was even a chance of such a thing. Of course Zareen tried to help, she stayed cheery, made her favorites, and knew when to just be a shoulder to lean on. 

The first week was the hardest. She took a couple days off, just because she suspected Bob would spill the beans and she’d have to repeat news of her failure, breaking her heart each time when it was still bleeding.

Thankfully, her fears were for naught. Everything was as she left it. Including the fridge that was now growing mold.

Her mind was sluggish. She let the robot take control, it knew the motions, the greetings, she didn’t have to do anything which suited her numb state just fine.

It was when she was waiting on some prescriptions at the drugstore that someone caught her zoning out.

“Woo hoo! Earth to space cadet Zandy!” A large hand brushed the tip of her nose and jolted her to awareness.

“Yes, I’m awake! Oh, Kit! I’m sorry, I have a lot on my mind. Where did you come from?”

The rugged man sat beside her.

“I heard some desperate man wished upon a g-string and I was born nine months later. What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing really.” There was no way she was bringing up her troubles. “The usual. Yourself?”

“Mars has been extra yelly lately. The underwear thing. I’m still looking for something better, but if I don’t start bringing home a bigger paycheck we’re going to have to down size. And between the two of us, I like having a little room to myself.”

“Must be tough. You have any friends or family you could go to?”

“No family. Tons of friends, but Marley thinks I can only think with my dick, so he doesn’t trust me to keep it in underwear. He even went to see if couples therapy is covered by our insurance.” He made a face like it was an off putting idea.

“That’s good,” remarked Zandra.

“How?”

“It means he’s investing in the two of you, even in the face of tight finances. He could be looking for counselor to help him work up the nerve to divorce you.”

Kit leaned back, resting his arm in the back of the empty chair next to him. “I never thought of it like that. I guess he is trying.

“Aren’t you going to ask?”

“Ask you what?” Zandra 

“Why we’re together.”

“I thought it was obvious.” The pharmacist called her. “You two were made for each other.” Standing, she picked up her package. “The two of you are great. You just have some wrinkles to work out, no sense in throwing out fine silk because of that.”

“Oh! Did he tell you about my-?!”

“No! No, thank you!” Zandra interrupted, having a strong hunch where it was leading.

“No one wants to hear about my collections,” Kit pouted. “But that’s okay! I get to share them with my favorite person!” A blissful, yet stupid look swept his features. Zandra recognized it as when her wife remembered something they did. It usually annoyed her, but on this man’s face it was ridiculous! Giggles rose up, in an attempt to fight them, she turned away and covered her mouth, but they were already there! She snorted once, then an avalanche sprung forth into her hand as she shook with laughter.

Kit must have snapped out of it, because he now stood next to her, with an arched eyebrow and a teasing voice. “What’s so funny? Are you thinking about my collections?”

Zandra couldn’t look at him, she had to control herself. But the blond wasn’t having it, and circled her in playful teasing into she burst out in side splitting laughter that lasted until fat tears rolled down her cheeks. She was delirious with the act and had to slap Kit to get him to stop so she could breathe. It was the best she’d felt in a while. There was someone she knew she could share that good mood with.

“Thanks, Kit. I needed that. I got to get home, but good luck with Marley.” 

“Thanks. Have fun!”

The drive home flew by. Zareen must have just got home because she was still in her work clothes slumped over the sofa. The prescription was tossed onto the table, her jacket thrown in the direction of the hanger before she slide over and started kissing her neck, a hand ran across the rich satin material over her waist.

“Hey! Hey! Hello! Did I miss something?” The doctor was very confused. They’re sex life had been side lined since the procedure.

“Let’s make love.”

“Right now? Are you up for it?”

Zandra took off her glasses and started unbuttoning her shirt. 

“Either you do me, or I’ll do me,” On her knees she straddled her wife’s lap. “But if I had to pick, I’d rather have you than a toy.” The shirt joined her glasses, the undershirt quickly followed.

“Oh, well, in that case,” those big hand gripped her thin hips, “allow me, Mrs. Mutra-Diamond.” She placed butterfly kisses down the brunette's cleavage.

“The pleasure is all yours, Mrs. Mutra-Diamond.” She shook her side bangs out of her eyes, rubbing Zareen’s shoulders still hard with the day’s work.

Zareen’s voice went to that deep registrar that sent shivers down her spine. “Believe me, it is.” Taking the cues, the doctor moved nice and slow, caresses the curves, kissing down her neck to her shoulders, pushing the straps out of her way matching sure her gold eyes locked with those aqua ones she vowed to watched for the rest of her life. She reached around to the bra clasp. “May I?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” Scooting forward, she pressed Zareen’s head into her breasts, willing the fluttering feelings to spill over to her partner as the hooks were pinched and released. Pulling away the constraining garment fell away.

“Remind me to write a letter of thanks to that pharmacy.” Zareen kissed her lips.

“It wasn’t that. But we can talk later.”

“Later, later. Now is love. However, do I really get the honor of sullying your work trousers?” Zareen arched an eyebrow.

Her hair was getting shaggy, Zandra noted as she twirled her favorite lock around her finger. 

“I really should get a worn pair for you. Since you keep insisting. Not tonight though.” She went to unbutton herself, and didn’t get to zip before she was stopped.

“Please, allow me.”

“You already did.”

“Mmm,”the doctor looked thoughtful, “I know…”

“Team work.” They finished together. While Zareen held her hips, Zandra twisted and fell back on the cushions, unzipping herself then her wife pulled off her pants. She was going to play with those golden rod panties but, Zandra had other plans for them and they were flung off to the land of “fucks now.”

“You still tired of staring at pussies?”

“Well, there are the street vairites and then there are pedigrees. It’s always a treat to admire the glossy coat and mild bouquet.” She leaned over her wife, who pop up and kissed her.

“So what you’re saying is we broke the wrong kind of a record and you’re so horny if I had left you alone much longer I would have come home to you tied up in the swing by yourself.

The blonde shrugged, I was going to try the shower with a dildo first, but your idea is good too.”

“Speaking of which,” Zandra hooked a finger into the drooping fabric of the doctor’s blouse, “why are you still wearing clothes?”

“I was distracted by sex.” As she rushed to remedy the situation, her wife giggled.

“We haven’t started yet!”

“Sex, kissing my beautiful wife, same difference!” The shirt was tucked into her skirt so, she had to change strategy. 

“Remind me get that tattoo on your forehead.”

Zareen was now free of her clothes and back to trying to cover Zandra’s flesh with her own. 

“Only if you promise.” Starting at the bottom of Zandra’s ribs she kissed in a line to her pelvis, pausing to dip her tongue into the shallow, salty navel, leaving it with a gentle suck. But before she could get to her destination, Zandra stopped her. “What, bluebell?”

“I want it to be together. Get your ass up here.”

“Sigh, never any romance. Just, “move your ass and sit on my face.” This is why you never had any boyfriends.” They rearranged themself.

“And here I thought it was because I was skinny lesbian.” On her back, Zandra’s head was framed by lean, warm thighs.

“Maybe it was also that, but I’m pretty sure there are plenty of guys willing to feed their hot dog to your pretty pussy if you just asked. I doubt a little thing like being a tall lesbian will stop them.”

“The world is full of kind and ignorant people.”

“True, that. Can I eEK!?”

Zandra licked an fat stripe from clit to hole, then sucked on the tiny pearl hard enough it brought Zareen to her elbows, moaning loud and long, before starting her own ministrations. Preferring to work kisses and tiny licks from the brunette's thighs inward trying not to be any sort of hurry. It did help to know that her partner had a habit of cumming quickly and lightly, while her own style was longer and harder.

Working together their tongues wrote words of passion that could never be spoken and Zandra soaked her fingers until she thought they would prune. She was twisting her hips in time with her fingers, curved down to get that one fleshy spot that cause the walls to squeeze down and the thighs to clench in time. By the time her wife was rocking back onto her fingers, she gave up on being gentle and rocked her rubbed the apex of Zandra’s lower lips just trying to get them to cum together. Such things rarely work out. 

Zareen finished with a grunt, sitting down and being sucked off before she hastily remembered her lawyer need to breathe.

“Sorry! Let me just-”She moved to finish her work but found herself pushed back and lap full of sweating flesh, a mouth moving against her’s and her knees being spread.

“Shut up.” Slotting their groins together Zandra thrust against her setting a pace to build her pleasure.

“So merciless. But, you do have something to keep my mouth busy.” Using an arm across the brunette's flexing ass and the other behind her back she thrust back best she could and mouthed the perk breast, teasing the erect tissue to the song of hitched huffs and squeaking coils. 

Zandra pushed the blonde’s head closer but grew impatient.

“B-bite it!”

Zareen hummed in confusion and it sent tingles through her.

“Just-” she needed a little more, “just little. Please! On the t-tip?” 

“Like this?”  With the greatest of care she used her front teeth to pinch the harden nub. The image was the perfect balance of danger and pleasure. A buzz over took over the back of her brain. It wasn’t some deviation, she wouldn’t even call it a kink. This was an expression of the love and trust they had. The love Zareen had to do it for the pleasure of her partner, and the trust she had that nothing would happen to damage the delicate part. It was overwhelming her again.

“Yes, a little harder.” There was the sharp edge of bone on flesh, it sent her heart racing, her eyes rolling back with her head. Since she couldn’t pick up the pace she reached down the rubbed herself to completion. While she let the muscle finish their chaotic song, her nipple was released, and hurt soothed but a lick and a kiss. “Thank you.”

They closed what little distance there was left with an embrace. 

“Shower, Love?”

“Bath. I think I pulled something.”

“I wonder if I can carry you there yet. I’m quite comfortable.”

“I’m pretty sure you can’t, and as lovely as this is, it will be better in warm water and the removal of this sticky feeling.”

“Oh fine. I’ll get juice-”

“Tea.”

“Okay tea, and you can start the water and the jets.”

“I’m starting to miss wine.”

“You got your wine last month.” Zandra whispered to the rosey shell of the doctor’s ear.

“So earthy, so rare. Such a mess. Dirty girl.”

The lawyer pulled away. “Only you would know.”

They parted and were reunited with goblets of iced tea and swirling warm water scented with vanilla and lavender. 

Zareen’s finger traced the bumps that marked the connection of brain and body on Zandra’s back.

“So who or what do I need to thank for the sex?”

There was a heavy sigh, and Zandra leaned back on her arm.

“I’ve just felt so out of it lately. I ran into Kit and he made me laugh. I felt human again and realized how lonely I felt. I knew you were probably feeling the same way so, I came home.”

Zandra took a hand and laced their fingers together.

“I thought you needed space.”

“I did. I think. Thank you. I knew it was probably happen. But when I saw it, it was like this old part of my brain that is always looking for proof that I’m a failure, or that I’ve been wrong my whole life.

“Dad wanted me to join his practice; I’m working for a semi public firm. Mom wanted me to marry a nice boy and have a lot of grand-babies for her; I’m a lesbian that married a doctor.

“I want to have a baby with the woman I love and raise a family-. I guess I’m waiting to see how that gets screwed up. Half my family didn’t show up to the wedding.

“Did you know my brother was bi?”

“Which one?”

“Apa.”

“No. But he likes my boobs, I think.”

“He is. He’s know since half way through university, but he’s never told our parents because he doesn’t want to deal with the fall out. I guess he saw something that scared him when I had to finally come out to them.

“I just- Why can’t my life be as simple as everyone else’s?” 

Zareen rubbed her shoulder.

“First of all, you’re not a failure. You work ten hours a day to help people who have nowhere else to go. You change their life. And you married a hot, successful doctor. You finished law school on time and while keeping your scholarship. You managed to save that kitten after those punk kids were beating it with a stick, last year you successful petitioned the city for water to be regularly tested in public schools, and-!”

“Okay! Alright! Maybe I’m done some things right with my life!” 

“ _ Some  _ things! What about-?” She was kissed again. It was the most effective way of distracting her.

“You can be such a broken record.”

“It’s one of my favorite albums. And we’re still waiting on the baby part. Everyone agrees you can have one, the only thing against you is you’re older than the typical teenager that can get pregnant by looking at a penis. Like, seriously, they are the most fertile and the least prepared for parenthood. Evolution is a whore. Fourth time's a charm, and if it doesn’t work by then, then we fire the dick and hire a Rick or something.”

“But we worked so hard!”

“That’s life. It’s hard. Long and hard, and you hope it brings lube when it fucks you over. Everyone has to deal with something. I doubt anyone has had a fairy tale life where they can sleep away their cares and get woken up by a blow job.”

“That’s assault.”

“Or is it a fairy tale.”

“It’s disturbing.”

“It wasn’t disturbing when I did it.”

“When you tried to. I slept through it.”

“My jaw was sore. Good work out though. We’ll get there. So long as we keep trying we haven’t lost.”

“Okay.” She snuggled up to her wife. “Sorry again.”

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

“That’s totally bull shit and you know it.”

“Worth a try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh, so Zandy runs into Kit, and then gets horny? Mmmm...  
> Also, feel free to share some "love sayings" that you think are total bull shit yourself.   
> Like "Love is blind", only if you punch it in the eyes, it's still leaving your abusive ass.


	11. Buns and Ovens

They tried again, on a Friday this time. Both the doctor and the lawyer snuck out early leaving their numbers with their assistants and put their phones on vibrate. Like before Zareen was given the honor and this time they went straight home and this time she stayed in bed with warming cream and a sleeping pill, opting out of the asprin in favor of sleeping off the pain. Zareen thought about going into the office to catch up on whatever work piled up after she left early, but opted to try working on patient files remotely staying close in case her queen needed her.

Late that evening there was more than just spotting, but not that Zandra really noticed. She was still under the effect of the sedative. Zareen only noticed when she went in and say the stains on the discarded underwear. 

It had to monitored all weekend. It cleared by Sunday night, but it worried both of them. In their hearts they felt the sharp seed of doubt, but they kept silent not wanting the prickly plant to take root in they’re love’s heart.

This time Zandra put off seeing the results as long as possible. Zareen held her hand and read it off. They stayed silent for a while before the lawyer spoke.

“Reenie, is there anything we can do to increase the odds?”

“Well, there is something pretty simple. But I warn you. You won’t like it.”

****

“I’m taking my lunch break in my car!” For the last two weeks Zandra couldn’t stand humanity. She’d been munching on berries, leaves, vegetables, and fruits. It was hell. She almost called in sick the third day because she wanted to chew the wallpaper and spank her wife silly. It had sounded simple, but it turned out that fast food was delicious, addicting, and something to look forward to during the day.  

“It’s not like I even eat it that often!” She punched the horn, setting it off, again. “Everything is hateful!” Opening a hidden folder she looked over the candid shots of her her wife. The ones she snapped without warning so the prima donna couldn’t preen and show off in some practiced pose. There were a lot of them were of her falling asleep in bed or on her arm while they tired to finish some series or movie late at night. But there were a few that showed her face. There was the shot of her working on her old motorcycle in a tank top and faded jeans, eyes narrowed in concentration, a bit of tongue hanging out from her bit lips. Then there was a series about their first and only attempt at home cooked lobster. Apa had made it sound so simple, but three hours trying to deal the final blow ended with them driving three more hours to the beach and spending the day on the beach walk. She couldn’t decide which picture she liked more. The one where Zareen tried to prove her point that the rubber bands would ruin the taste and in the resulting freedom, the lobster(Hitler) took their revenge on her thumb. Then there was the other one with the blonde shielding her eyes as she waved Hitler and Eva Braun off on their second chance at life.

“I half wish I had the poloids right now.” Dropping her hands in her lap she set her gaze on nothing in particular. The temptation to send a text or call was strong, but she never knew when the doctor actually got to lunch on any day. “Do it for her. Do it for you. Do it for the baby. One day you will hold a tiny poop machine of love and it will fill the aching hole in your soul.

“Fuck! I want fries!” Needing a distraction she since a heart to her wife. Simple enough, but nothing ever stay simple. She was counting on it.

Sure enough, not two minutes later the phone rang.

“This is Dr. Mutra-Diamond, for medical purposes I need you to describe, in detail, what underwear you’re wearing.”

“You’ve seen every piece of clothing I own. You steal half of it most of the time. You tell me.”

“Free choice, huh? The soft blue and white push up number. So smooth and your-you look amazing in it. Now, with your hand, tell me the problem.”

“No problem,”she lied. “I just felt like sending you a cute text.”

“Hmm, apply pressure in circular motions. Going through withdrawal?” 

“Maybe a little.”

“I told you it was going to be hard, and wet. I packed some sugary tea.”

“I drank it all before lunch,” Zandra muttered.

“All of it?! There was a quarter cup of sugar in it!”

“They ran out of coffee! What was I supposed to do?!”

“Drink water or straight tea! Or send an intern out to buy more. What else are they good for?”

“Cherry got lost! We had to send someone out to find her!”

“Who gets lost going to the store?! She was blowing someone. Mark my words.”

“There is not a secret cabal of people giving head to each other!”

“There’s no secret cabal of head, that you know of. Now give it pinch.”

“I’m not touching myself. I’m in my car.”

“So you’re using the hand brake? Baby doll! I told you! It never works. Never.”

“What’s for dinner?”

“That disgusting cheesy casserole thing you love so much,” Zareen sighed in defeat.

“Thank you. I might come home on time just to avoid biting someone’s head off.”

“‘K. Send a pic.”

She snapped a photo of her middle finger raised in salute.

“Aw, it’s my third favorite finger. Wanna know my favorite?”

“No.”

“The one next to your pinky. Liked it so much I put a ring on it.” Laughter could be heard in the background.

“I thought you were in the break room.”

“A break is any seconds that I’m not doing paperwork.”

“I hear that. I’ll try warming it up when I get home. I don’t promise anything though.”

“I know. Hang in there, Love.”

“I will. Love you, too.” After they hung up, a text with a kiss was sent. Feeling a little self conscience, she sent the same picture back and stuffed the phone into her pocket.

******

  
  


“Snuggle Muffin! I baked my famous cake!”

“Kit! Get that butter off your ass!”

“Aw!” Disappointed Kit moved the ribbons of the apron aside and cleaned up before helping change his husband into this relaxing clothes.

“I keep telling you to wear clothes when I come home. What if it was the girl scouts?”

The blonde rubbed Marley’s tense shoulders. “I’d love some cookies, but you’re the only thing I need on my hips.”

Dinner was a pizza, warmed up in the the oven. Kit had no talent for cooking, but he was learning as much as the budget would allow.

“You’re hopeless,” the brunette took off his glasses and rubbed the marks on his nose. “How was your day?”

“Hard, hot, lonely. Give me a minute or two and I can show you.”  Kit carried over the plates to the sofa, while Marley grabbed the chilled drinks.

“Baby, I love you, but I dealt with dicks and assholes all day. I need a little break before I can appreciate yours again.”

They turned on the news and kept it low.

“You didn’t say anything about my mouth,” some cheese formed a rope from said mouth and pizza slice.

“You know I prefer it gagged and your thumbs bound,” Marley said as an aside.

In a flash, Kit had dinner set aside and was headed to the bedroom.

“Kit! Get back here! Dinner first!”

“I thought I was having hot dogs!” Pouting the blonde fell back in his seat.

“Man can not live on sausage alone. Finish your pizza.”

“I think people just say that because they haven’t tried hard enough. Think about it. I’ll learn how, then I’ll teach you, and we can live alone in the woods naked and free!”

“I’m not living without toilet paper, and hot showers.”

“Any shower with you is hot.”

“You spent all day looking at porn, didn’t you?”

“No.” He tried to look busy by drinking.

“Kit.” Marley warned.

“Fifteen minutes but that was it!”

The arched eyebrow wasn’t buying it.

“Okay! Okay! I was saving it for later, but I drew some too.”

His husband’s head fell back in exasperation. 

“Not the stick figures again!”

“I need to capture your essence!”

“No, you don’t!”

“Well, I can’t have you cumming when I’m driving! Traffic is boring and enraging!” 

“Listen to music like a normal people!”

“Normal people aren’t married to a virgin god!”

“How the hell am I a virgin?! We tried figging!”

“Yeah, we did.” Kit look very pleased with himself.

“I swear. Sometimes it’s like your dick and your brain switched places.”

“My dick’s not that big.”

Marley gave him look.

“Did you remember our appointment tomorrow?”

“Yes, I remembered our appointment tomorrow,” replied Kit with resentment. “Places like that are for straight couples who quit having sex years ago. I don’t want people thinking I’m like that.”

“Straight?”

“Sexless. The only complaint I have of about our sex life is the parts where we aren’t doing it and we’re not cuddling.”

“So, the life part.”

“Yeah. We get to the woods and that problem will be solved.”

“The woods don’t have bloomers, garters, or leather straps.”

“...Maybe life isn’t that bad after all.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

They went back to watching tv and eating. When their shows had finished they went to wash up the dishes together.

“You remember Your Boobs.”

“I don’t have any, nor will I ever. I remember Zandra, if that’s what you mean.”

“Uh huh, Za-Za, Reenie, or whatever she’s calling herself texted me. The first time didn’t take. Neither did the second. Her wife is taking it badly.”

Marley put the plates away.

“That’s a shame. I know she had her heart set on it, but women her age do have a harder time conceiving. Her wife’s a doctor, so I’m sure they’ve been over everything. It really shouldn’t come as a surprise.”

“I bet they got some punk kid who gets high all the time. My navel force can’t be beat. All the women who get me either had a bun rising the first time, or the second. No third rounds with me.

“It’s the being naked. Cooler temps mean more swimmers.”

“Like Zandra was going to let drugs anywhere near her kid. And yes, you have super grow seed, or something.”

“Sometimes you just don’t know. There’s a lot of stretchy guys that are there for a quick buck and free porn. Like that Bill guy, he always comes in super nervous. I don’t even think Bill is his real name.” The dishes rinsed off, he put away the pizza. “If only you’d carry our baby. We keep having tons of sex but you’re still doughy. Nothing’s cooking.”

The brunette cracked his nose. “As if we even had room for a baby in here. Plus, maybe you should take some online courses to bulk up your resume.”

“Nah, I think I’ll just get some entry position somewhere. Long hours, low pay, but at least I can say I’ve been doing something other than playing by myself.”

“You mean, with yourself.”

“Nah,” Kit wrapped his arms around the consultant, “because Kitty always thinks about how much good it is with Master does it.” He kissed his neck.

“I’m gonna have you fixed one of these days. Alright, bath then ball.”

“Wee!” Jumping for joy, Kit dashed off to prepare for the evenings session.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new study suggested that cutting fast food improves fertility. In sympathy with Zandy I've been off fast food with her. It hasn't been as rough as her, but her being bored isn't interesting. Yes, I lost wait. 3 whole pounds, and my stomach doesn't hate me as much. I'd like to thank the fine folks at Subway that over charge me and drown my sandwich in sauce. That's just how I like it.


	12. Your Brother and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Third time's the charm

“Third time’s a charm, huh?” They had been in this office so many times it was started to feel like home, and Zareen briefly wondered why only one of them was bare ass on a table.

“I’ve tortured myself for this. It has to work.”

“Or-” A chop to Zareen’s stomach and she bit her tongue. The door open but instead of being gay and light, the doctor was solemn coming in.

“Good afternoon doctor,” Greeted Zandra.

“Good afternoon ladies, I’m afraid we won’t be able to proceed today.”

“Oh?” Prodded Zareen.

“The donor you selected is no longer produced donations, and has pulled his contributions.”

“What?! He can’t do that!” Cried the blonde.

“What is this about? We spoke with him in person; there was no problem!”

“I’m afraid the donor’s circumstances have changed, and his finacé did not wish to continue in the program.”

“Oh yeah! Like they’re gonna-!” Zareen was pulled into an embrace. “Well, fuck that punk.”

“I’m truly sorry, if there’s anything I can do-”

“Thank you,” the lawyer whispered from her wife’s shoulder, “That was all.”

 

*************

Two more months passed. Their baby announcement came in the mail from Apa and Alice. Not that it phased the doctor any. Many infants were born under her eye. The lawyer looked at it with the same glazed eyes she looked at everything. The B word was forbidden. The Frozen Pops binder was brought out and left on the coffee table untouched. Instead of touring the infant aisles, they went to the movies more. 

Zandra was slow to get out of bed in the morning, and hard to get back home. When she talked it was always about her cases. Never was there a more dedicated lawyer. At least she texted when she was late, and replied to her wife’s light hearted, forced humorous texts.

At least their counselor was impressed by how they were handling it. If only Zandra would talk more about her feelings.

It was an unusually stormy month. 

****

“I hear you’ve been on the Graveyard shift, Murta. You can lose all the sleep you want, but you can’t conjure a lighter sentence for your misfit clients. I’m surprised you haven’t seen some of them more than once. Guess they find someone else to fail on their behalf.”

The defense attorney had a relatively successful case. Her client was guilty as sin, but got off with a slap on the wrist. Now she was packing up her files.

“Good to see you again, Mr.Cabrão . I hope your wife is well,” She intoned before heading for the door.

“You’d lose your balls with a case or something?”

“You’re causal sexism is humorous. No wonder your clients endear themselves to you.” There was break room with coffee. She lived on it now.

“I don’t feel I’m doing my job if you don’t hate me. You had to sleep on the couch or something?”

The lawyer didn’t respond, just kept walking until she found the half full pot.

“Wait, aren’t you? I mean- The whole baby thing. Are you adopting or what? You look the same.”

The creamer fell from her shaking hands, and she decided she’d do without, opting instead to briskly exit.

Even though she needed to stay at the courthouse, she called in a favor from the office and got someone to switch for the day, and went back to her desk until long past closing.

As was the norm these days, her wife was asleep in bed with her glasses on and phone in her hand. Removing the speckles and phone, she placed them on the bedside talk and kissed her cheek before taking her shower. She wasn’t avoiding her wife, no. It was the house. It was like her fading dreams and sharped criticisms were in every shadow. Even all the years of love they had built together couldn’t reach her in this dark place. There was no quitting. Not yet. But she needed a break.

***

_ Special Delivery. Please come to the door to sign. ;x _

Zandra had been staring at her screen for so long she lost the time and her eyes burned with she blinked.

“Damn. It’s past 8:30.” Checking her phone, it was Zareen.

“Guess she got tired of passing out alone.”

Sure enough the doctor was standing outside the office door with Chinese take out and a smile.

“You hurry up and I do the strip-o-gram routine.”

The lawyer unlocked the door and took a bag. “I’m not tipping you.” A quick peck hello.

“Well, shoot. Guess I’m keeping my fine ass to myself. How was work?”

“Work?” What had she done today? “Same ole, same ole. I guess.”

“Same here. Although I did have to explain to a mormon couple the reason they weren’t pregnant was because peeing in a woman’s play hole doesn’t work.”

“What?!”

“He was told to put it in and let go. Poor things. The smell was horrible. And I didn’t even have to do an exam!”

The chicken was threatening to come out of her nose. Poorly controlling her chuckles she punched her wife’s arm. “You’re horrible!”

“Horrible, and related!”

“Related? You’re an only child.” The blonde pulled out some paperwork and passed it to her.

“Remember that DNA test you got me for my birthday?”

“Yeah. I thought you’d like to know somethings about your birth parents.”

“Those are the results.” 

“Immediate Family. Confidence: Extremely High. Mars’s Kitty. What does that mean?”

“I have a brother! Kit!” 

“Oh I’m so happy for you, baby!” They gave each other a tight hug. “Are you going to tell him?”

“He already knows!”

“Wait. I thought he was the same age you were.”

********

“You smell bad.” Marley was snuggled up against Kit’s bare chest.

“I guess I need a bath. You too. We both got dirty.” 

“Five more minutes.” 

“Shit! I forgot!”

“What?” The brunette didn’t like surprises when he was in the buff.

“Remember that DNA thing Za-Za recommended?”

“That was months ago.”

“I got the results today.”

“Oh? I told you there was no such place as Gaymanastan.”

“I know, but how would you like another husband? Only they’re a chick.”

“You have a sister?”

“A twin sister.”

“Oh wow! Are you going to contact her?”

“We already did!”

“Did what?”

“It’s Zareen!”

Marley sat up.

“What?!”

“Doctor Fine is my twin sister!”

“You’re kidding!”

“Nope! Go check the computer if want.”

“I don’t believe it. I think I will.” As Marley rolled out of bed, his rounded back side was studied for it’s hypnotic power. “Kit! I told you no porn!”

“It’s not porn, it’s cheesecake! You can’t see my valley or vales!”

“It’s picture of you with cheesecake on your ass! How did you even take it?!”

“The erotic arts are as mysterious as they are misterious.”

“Immediate Family. Confidence: Extremely High. Reenie Zircon. Zircon? But their name is Mutra-Diamond.”

“That’s the trade name for Zircons. Za-Za told me. She wanted to change it for the marriage, but Zandy said it was stupid. Too many Zs or something.

“Uh, sweetie? I think there’s a pen on the floor. Could you pick it up?”

“Sure, just let me-Hey! I’m not following for that again! Just how many years of staring at my ass is it going to take before you get used to it!”

“The moon sits on her throne and watches the lights of humanity flicker, yet we still sit under it in awe.”

“What?”

“I will always love your full moon, and it’s craters.”

“You need a job.”

“Still trying to get one lovin’ you.”

“That’s a job, huh? I thought that was a privilege!”

“Oh yes! Yes!” Kit bounced up. “Let me!”

“Slow down, tiger. What are you going to do?”

“Well, husband mine, I was going give you a nice, long-”

“About Zareen!” 

“Can’t blow her, she’s my sister now. Does this mean no group sex?”

“There was never going to be group sex!”

“Then how do we get the baby?!”

********

“So you’re twins?”

“Yup. Best anyone can tell.”

“And he’s a he.”

“Yup!” Zareen was fit to burst.

“I could have our baby!”

“Yup!”

“Our baby!”

“Our baby!” The women fell to the floor in an impassioned embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then office sex and shower sex. Then the ladies went home and had sweaty leather sex. Leather~for special occasions.~   
> Thank you Floofle(@WildBlooberrih ) for the language help!  
> Be a man! Find your Gaymanastan!  
> Or not.


	13. Let's Make Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is this yaoi you speak of?

The couples met at the Mutra-Diamond residence. The blondes compared notes about childhoods and quirks they didn’t think anyone would understand until they met their significant others. It was a lengthy conversation that went on for hours, so Marley went to cook and Zandra did what she was told.

By the end of the night their family had grown and the couples had a plan in place.

****

Since Kit had nothing better to do, he went in during the work day. At this point it was pretty much routine. The nurses all knew him by name. Trying to play coy was never his style.

The room always smelled of disinfectant, but the first couple of times he can been by he could swear the undercurrent of ball funk. The TV had been upgraded to a wall mounted set, but you still needed to pick a DVD to play, no Hustle channel super porn here. As much as some couples paid, one would think it would trickle down to monthly subscription to at least one channel. 

Not that it mattered to the blond. Porn wasn’t as fun without someone to share it with. A glance through the magazines helped put him in the mood and the rest was up to whatever he did a week ago. Or whatever he was going to do that night. Doing a donation meant he had to abstain, but that just meant there was more waiting for him at home.

“Oh, I hope it’s chain night!” 

Dimming the lights, and checking the wipes were there, Kit went to lock the door. He didn’t get that far when someone knocked on it. Maybe it was a nurse for some reason? He opened it to see his flushed, aqua-eyed husband in a near panic who pushed past him into the room.

“Marley? What-?”

A mouth clashed into his with bruising force.

“Did you finish?”

“Finish? I haven’t-”

“Good. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. About you. I really want this to work. I want to help.”

“Help?” Kit was confused. “You’ve never did anything before.”

“I know. It was strange. But I have this weird investment in Zandra’s and Zareen’s struggle. I know it’s been draining on them. Besides,” Marley placed a foot between his husband’s feet, pushed forward, and reached around to lock the door, “isn’t it better having me here instead of planning for tonight?”

A warm thigh pressed into the front of his pants quickened his blood.

“Oh yes! Yes! Please!”

“Any rules?” Long fingers rubbed Kit’s zipper before unbuttoning and pulling it down.

“Uh-um,” The blood was swiftly leaving his brain. “I gotta sanitize it. The lube is in a packet.”

“Hm,” The hand reached into his boxers and gave his pet snake and stroke and a squeeze. “We’ll have to get creative then.”

“Oh, I like creative. Does that involve me losing the pants?”

The brunette moved to a chair, crossed his legs, and rested his cheek on his hand. “Lose everything but my ring and your shoes.”

“Ay! Ay!” Hopping around on one foot to avoid taking off his shoes, Kit nearly knocked over the tray before pulling them off and throwing off his shirt. The months of unemployment had left him more time to make good use of their expiring gym membership. The result was especially fine looking muscle tone that Kit had been far too eager to show off and Marley enjoyed looking at.

Not that Marley was going to admit it out loud. Instead his blue eyes sharpened and took a long look up and down. 

“You’re being good. What does Kitty want?”

“A lap and kisses.”

“Alright, climb on.” Strong arms trapped Marley on either side of the chair and one leg took the outside while the other had to hang off the chair.

“Such an unexpected treat. What did I do to deserve you?” Kit asked, caressing a cheek, pushing back the overgrown fringe. 

“Don’t know. What did I do in a past life to be saddled with a giant ass like you?” Said ass was roughly grabbed, a shudder ran through the blonde. 

“Don’t know, but keep doing it.” Their lips met in like lovers after a yawning distance. Rushed, but wanting the singular moment to last. Against the smooth fabric of the Navy shirt, the cool material did nothing to flag the heated and growing flesh that rubbed against it. As it ached in increasing need, Kit rutted against the seam briefly before remember he could stain it. Pulling away, he glanced down at it apologetically.  “Sorry, Mars. The soldier is eager for some action. You know how eager she gets.”

“Yes,” Marley mused, looking like he was inspecting the troop. “It needs polish. Go stand by the tray.”

The brunette followed, taking the disinfected packet, he opened it. Draping one arm on Kit’s shoulder, he leaned in to whisper, as he stroked down the shaft. “You need to hold on for a bit, don’t you? One shot Kit, right?”

The blond’s breath hitched.

“Usually it’s a lot easier. Be faster if you’d let me bring the home movies. You know I don’t like these here. Have you  _ even _ felt the magazines? The tackiness gets annoying.” 

Marley finished cleaning, and placed the cup in Kit's hand, before walking around him and slapping his ass. The result was an appreciative groan, and bend forward and the rise of Kit's bald nut sack.

"Please sir, may I have another?" A flat hand hit one cheek then the other. "So generous," he smirked.

"Hold the fucking cup. We're catching everything. Lean on the counter."

As Kit did so, he heard fabric rustling.

"Should I be jealous that I'm naked and hard while my husband is thinking about other woman." His nipple was pinched and twisted. That get his man meat weeping.

"Should I be jealous of the cheesecake for being on the ass I married?"

There was the snap of latex and the feel of something slick prodding his exit. He bent further, and spread his legs wider in welcome, still keeping the cup held close.

"Should I be jealous of your phone? It's in your pants more than me."

Now, two fingers stretched him with a slight burn that was eased when they hooked down on the wee nub that had fireworks dancing before him. Like the beginning of the end that could last as long as he had will. The yearn to touch himself to find relief was strong enough to set his teeth on edge. But this was no new game. The play thing was left so the work could continue, allowing Kit to breath again.

"Hurry! He begged.

"Every time you say that it ends in blood. Besides, I'm not ready yet."

_ The hell you ain't! _ Kit bumped backwards to feel the small lump hiding in those blue jeans.

"Liar, liar, pants filled with fire. Oh! Fuck!"

"Bad Kitties get spanked!"

"So do good ones, my dick's all hard and confused."

"It stays that way, so I'm not concerned." It seemed Marley was satisfied, for the glove came off and a zipper came down. Kit's relief was immense enough you would think it was his own freedom being gained.

"Do you have  _ any  _ idea how many times I've imagined this?" Kit's head rolled back hearing the tear of a condom wrapper.

A hand reached around and squeezed the base of his shaft.

"Only as many times as I've imagined doing it on my lunch break in the bathroom on the days you were down here." A rich voice like molten chocolate ran through Kit and summoned a shudder.

"Oh fuck me!"

"With pleasure."

A hand spread him while another held Marley firm while he pushed forward into the tight, hot resistance. Both paused to adjust and appreciate the closeness they met physically and emotionally.

Marley wrapped his arms around his husband's waist, and peppered the salty skin on Kit's neck with kisses while rocking back and forth not really moving for his own satisfaction but for the other's pleasure.

"That's not fair, Mars. I can't kiss back with my dick in a cup."

"It's fine." The sandy locks smelled of fresh citrus. "Neither one of us is going anywhere."

"Oh, so you weren't going to run off with Neerja from the supermarket?"

"I have a kitty, I don't need a bitch." Holding tighter he focused on short jabs.

"You-you only say that because she thought you were a woman and called you flat chested."

"No," Marley grunted, "I don't care if people think I'm male or female. She's a dog because she stared at your butt the whole time like she wanted to chase it."

"Babe, if I wasn't so hard I could cut diamonds, I'd laugh. May I?"

"It's the whole reason why we're here." His hand snaked down and pumped gently with his sweaty hand, avoiding the tip and giving the balls a cup and massage every once in a while, until all have Kit's muscles strained and felt like rope. Sounding like he'd jogged a miles, Kit recognized it and slowed down so he could keep the focus on the tiny plastic cup. The force was until he'd seen in years. Marley could almost swear the volume was higher too.

"Thank you, sir."

Outside of their passions, the brunette fell a little awkward in a medical office with his penis in a man's ass.

"Uh, yeah." He eased out and buried the soiled condom in a glove before tossing them out. "I don't plan to make a habit of it."

The specimen sample was sealed and placed in a duel sided cabinet in the wall.

"Such a shame."Kit sighed before turning to his husband who was scowling at his crotch like the hard on was inconveniencing his work day. "But I think I can make up some of that smooching I was missing out on.

"Huh? Oh, after dinner I-" Pampered hands took his and sat him in the padded chair, before Kit leaned into his face. "Hi."

"Hello, there." That was a dangerous face.

"I need to go back to work."

"I know." The ticklish spot under his ear was kissed. "I can fix it."

"I know you're experienced with such things, but I really don't think-" The blond knelt down to the cold tile floor. "Sweetheart, you don't have to do that. I'll just think about the president or something."

"But want about my treat? Kitty always gets a treat," pouted Kit, nuzzling the blushing flesh.

"I usually fuck you sideways over the sofa. I can still do-ooo!" His voice went up seven and a half octaves as his thick length was covered and swallowed in one move.  _ Damn it!  _ Marley was forever watching the way those muscles on Kit's throat moved.

Sucking in his lower lip he tried to keep from moving or making a sound but the tongue working his slit was making his eyes water and his balls draw up. Just a few more bobs of the head and swirls of the tongue under his foreskin and he was biting his fist as he released into the waiting lips.

"I told you it was fast and easy. I still can't believe you fight swallowing."

"It's gross. No matter how many oranges or how much pineapple you eat it always has that bleach taste and bitter after taste. Plus I have a crippling fear of them finding semen in my stomach during an unexpected autopsy." A paper towel was whetted and used to clean them both before Kit tucked his husband back in with the utmost care.

"Really? I actually want that so people know I died lucky."

Marley managed to smack his ass before he covered it up.

"Hey! I need some time!"

"Your cock is not wired to your ass, dick-weed!"

"That's not what science said!"

The brunette handed over his shirt. "I don't trust those articles."

"Don't care! Got laid! During the day, too!" Kit's smug face was giving his husband that headache that started behind his eyes, so he pitched the bridge of his nose.

"You are such an immature meathead," he sighed.

"Does that mean I get to go to papi's work?"

"No! And don't call me that! It's creepy!"

"Aw, I never get a sugar papi."

"Here." Marley held out his hand.

"No, thanks I just came, thank you."

"Dolt! Walk me to my car!"

"Oh! Yes, sir!" Instead of taking the hand, Kit rushed to the door to open it wide while bowing. "After you."

"Drama king."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm an equal opportunity zmut writer. This is gonna be a gay ass baby.  
> Next chapter we'll see how the ladies feel since our gentlemen were frisky.;)


	14. Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to the ladies

"Quick question," proposed the woman screwing her face up from the half table.  
"Yes?" Asked the two doctors in the room.  
"Are we sure we're not punching a hole in my cervix?"  
The man in the coat chuckled. The blonde cleaning up between her thighs reassured her the process was very gentle and could show her with a camera later.  
"Stop trying to stick a camera up my skirt!"  
"Reminds me of my undergrad days," wistfully sighed the doctor finishing the paperwork.  
"Just your undergrad days, Frank?"  
"A gentleman doesn't say."  
"How did you find one to ask?"  
They enjoyed a laugh.  
"So you found your long lost twin, eh, Diamond?"  
"Yup, so I get to be the baby mama!" One hand on her hip, she held her wife's shoulders. "Soon the world will be blessed by the sexiest baby ever conceived. Oof!"  
"Don't sexualize my baby!"  
"It's gonna be just as much mine as yours, so it can't help but become sexy with our genes!"  
"Speaking of sexy," interrupted the attending, "Is this magic twin someone I know?"  
"Probably not. He goes by Kit and sells his spunk when he's not giving away for free."  
"Oh? Straight, I take it. So tragic."  
"Worse, married," Zareen corrected.  
"The horror!"Then he cleared his throat. "For some people."  
"It's fine doctor. I didn't I was marriage material either." Zandra rubbed her thighs, now free of the stirrups.  
"Then I stuck my fingers in her and the rest is legend. Ow, ow, ow ow!" Her ear was being tugged.  
"You crazy women. I'll never understand." Shaking his head, he reiterated the old warnings and follow up directions before leaving the couple to dress.  
***  
Zareen cradled her wife's arm as she walked to the the door and opened it for her.  
"Back into bed, my radiant, vulturous, brilliant Qu-!" A hand crept up her blouse and unhooked her bra. "Zandy?!"  
"I was just thinking how great you've been. And how much I want to bend you over the couch and screw you."  
Zandra was helping herself to the button's on the blonde's shirt.  
"But-but you're in pain, and the laying in bed with your crime dramas and pop-popcorn!" Seems the house was colder than she realized.  
"I don't want my bits touched, but I was thinking it'd be nice to play with yours." Zandra must have thought it unfair that only one of them was topless, so she pulled off her shirt.  
"Bah. Uh. Hm. So... okay. So long as this isn't a trick."  
"And sex won't affect the conception?"  
"Most doctors point it as a cause of conceptions."  
"I figured." The navy bra was snapped off while she walked back to the bedroom. Zareen took the second to admire how her wife's ass moved like two kittens playing in a pair of polyester pants. Then pumped her fist.  
"Yes! Sex! Gonna get my pussy pumped! Rev it up, and let it purr!"  
A voiced called out. "Where's your pampered ass?!"  
"Coming my angel!" The fly went down, and she only got one leg out before she hopped forward and landed on the carpet.  
"You better not be!"  
"I'm not! I'm not!" Scrambling, she scooted along the floor using the carpet to shed her constraints. Then rushed to the bedroom where her lady in a strap on was waiting with something clear and long in her hand.  
“Oh! Is that-?”  
“Yup.”  
Zareen shuddered violently. “I’m creaming myself.”  
“Get on the bed.”  
“Nanye-hi!” She shouted as she dove into the bed, wiggling to her back. “Take me the heaven before we land in hell!”  
“Dork.” Zandra straddled a thigh. “You’re unbelievable.”  
“Can I be adorkable?”   
“You cried an obscure Native American freedom fighter’s name while jumping into bed. You already are.”  
“And sexy?”  
The wand was traced down the blonde’s torso.  
“Hmm, I’ll have to think about it.”  
“What?!” When she tried to sit up, the want was pressed to her breast and lit up with a purple pulsing plasma. Surprised, the doctor let a low, pleasured moan, arching into the wand before falling back down, rubbing her breasts. “Oh, that’s good! You’re good! Fuck me now!”  
“If we start that, we won’t have as much fun with Astrape.”  
“Multi-task!” Using two fingers she spread her slit open, showcasing the shining strings of slick. “Someone misses you.”  
“Someone is about to lose front privilege.” Leaning over she started kissing her face, tracing meaningless patterns with her lips and the probe. Turning it on when it was over less sensitive flesh, drinking in the ecstatic cries and blissful look that would settle after being contorted. The glass passed down to the top her thighs sending jolts like a pinch followed by a ticklish buzz.  
“Do the clit!”  
“What?! That’ll hurt!”  
“Babe, I want a pow!” The blonde whined.  
“You ass. How many nerves does the clitoris have?” The spark passed through the scar tissue that was the only gift her birth mother left her.   
“About eight thousand.”  
“And in the breast?” Zandra sucked on the raised and rosy flesh. The grinding and smearing on her knee told her that the attention had the desired effect. Flicking the nub with her tongue she came up to ask, “well?”  
The blonde was fisting the sheets. “Can’t remember. Keep doing that and maybe I could count them one by one.”  
“Or…” She held the wand over the shining mound.  
“Oh! Do it!”   
Flipping it on, Zandra slowly lowered the violet pulsing stick, letting the power jump the gap. Still, her wife was impatient and twisted into it, only to jump back with a cry.  
“Zounds! Ah! God damn it! My tit!” She cradled the smarting skin.  
“I tried to tell you,” Zandra shook her head, and tried to ease the pain by rubbing the thighs clamping around her own.  
“Why is it always better in theory than in practice? Kiss it and make it better?”  
Her forehead got a peck.  
“There you go, you tit.”  
“Zandy,” pouted the doctor.  
“Want the wand again?”  
“I bit me in a bad way. Maybe later.”  
“Maybe buzz?” There was a click and a mechanical whirling filled the bedroom.”  
The blonde closed her eyes, and shuddered before pushing the lawyer’s shoulder and rolling them over to be on top.   
“Reenie!”  
“Take me! I’m yours!”  
Wrapping her legs around the doctor’s waist, Zandra twisted them back, pinning her wife’s wrists above her head.   
“Cool it!”   
“Can’t. You make me too hot.” She tried to rub herself against her wife’s ass, but failed. “I need you!”  
“You don’t settle down I’ll get the handcuffs.”  
“Well, fuck me! I better listen or officer lawyer Zandy will slap the cuff on me and punish me. Against the bed,” the brunette slid down the subtle curve of hips and thighs, “the door,” she grabbed the Wet Willy’s and warmed it over the silicon, “the shower,” the bitten finger tips pressed into the opened wet slit, following the groove, “the chair and sofa, not to mention,” hooking into the cave that hugged the two fingers, “the bike in the garage.” Warmed up, she pushed in, taking the up most care, even with the legs wrapping around her waist and the long fingers raking through her chocolate locks. Sawing her hips slow and steady, Zandra leaned down to nibble behind her lover’s ear.  
The nails on her back started to bite when the breathless became labored.   
Zareen moaned low, “Faster.”  
“No. Might hurt the baby. Besides, I thought med school cured you of excessive sexual desire.”  
That got a grander moan, and hips gyrating against her’s. Moving like two columbine blooms dancing and kissing in the perfumed breeze they worked together.  
“I found an unbelievable aphrodisiac,” she grunted.  
“And here I thought you were Aphrodite,” Zandra muttered, before hiding her face in embarrassment in the crook of Zareen’s neck.   
“Aw! Babe! That’s so sexy/sweet! You little blueberry muffin!” She held her closer as her wife groaned, and decided to fuck her way out of her problem.  
Orgasms are usually good for distracting people. But they weren’t stopping at the one.  
“Sofa.” Rolling off she grabbed a towel previously left out on the bed with the lubricate, and walked back to living room to throw the towel over the corner sitting piece.   
Rough hands grabbed her breasts from behind, lips touched her neck sending pleasant shocks to her abdomen soothing the pain.  
“When was the last time I said I love you?”   
The lawyer twisted in the embrace to take the curvy hips.  
“This morning before our appointment.” She guided her wife to the corner.   
Zareen sat on it, opening her legs, and tracing the fine lines around the aqua eyes.   
“Been too long, then.”  
“Isn’t it my turn?”  
“This wasn’t it?”  
“Want your ass smacked?”  
“You romantic fool.” Sliding off, the blond turned, straddled the corner and bent over. “Even out the soft towel for my swollen clit while you play patty cake with my ass.”  
“And you said you could never picture yourself like this.” She warmed the rounds by rubbing a hand over them, before placing gentle pats never in the same place.  
“What can I say? I thought I was a pitcher not a batter.”   
The room filled with the slap of flesh.  
“I don’t think anyone can stay just one thing forever. Variety is the spice of life.”  
The blonde leaned back into the hits.  
“So is being harder. Oh! Thank you, ma’am!”  
Over the next minutes the slaps to her ass reduced Zareen to a moaning puddle grinding softly into the corner. When her thighs were wet, her wife slid back in and started with a hard slow pace, hand kneading the firm, perk breasts. The doctor started mumbling and slurring passionate words in between groans.  
She came with a soft cry, arching back into the brunette. But as she was coming down, her legs were folded up under her and she was pushed down into the cushions.  
“What are you-?” She turned to find her wife trying to climb over the corner and grab her hips.  
“I’m trying to do something!”  
“I don’t think it’s working.”  
“No,” she resigned, then hopped over into her wife’s open arms. “But I still know something that does.” Taking the base of toy she lined up, only to have a hand slide up her arm.  
“Don’t you think it’s your turn? I can as gentle as a summer breeze.”  
“I don’t want anything to interfere with conception.”  
“The ancient Romans believe that there was no conception unless the woman climaxed. As a professional I can safely say that a blow job has never stopped anyone from becoming pregnant.”  
Zandra took off her glasses and examined them.   
“I don't suppose one little one could hurt. You’re the one that did the implantation. So you would know how good it is.”  
“Those first couple of times were practice. Believe it or not, this trying to impregnate someone is new to me.”  
The lawyer giggled. “What a coincidence! Getting pregnant is new to me too!”  
“See? We both need practice!”  
“Such expense practice.”  
“Oh no,”chided the doctor. “Worrying is bad for baby.” She leaned over and kiss the still pudgy tummy. “Allow me to administer some relaxation therapy.”  
“Whatever you say, Doctor.”  
The two were very busy for the rest of the day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much trouble just to get this published! There!


	15. It's a...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby it's getting cold outside. Let my boobs comfort you.

“We’ve already been. Why do I have to go?” The doctor was hunched on the bed dangling her sock clad feet while her wife clipped on some earrings that only came out for special occasions.

“I’ve been helping Dru plan this shower for months. Everyone is going to be there.” 

“That’s what I was afraid of,” Zareen grumbled.

“Come on, get your coat. I’ll grab the umbrellas,” she paused half way out the door. “Now what?”

“What do you,”now what”? It’s the same thing every time. Your parents hate me.”

“They don’t hate you. They’re just disappointed I’m a lesbian.”

“Yes, a lawyer lesbian that’s still trying to give them more grand kids than they deserve. How many bastards has that wild-child of a little sister of yours have now?”

”None. Yet. I wish she’d stay on her pills. Lord knows it’s been rough enough on me giving up my anti-depressants. Who knows what she’s dealing with.”

“There’s always a crazy one. How about I stay here to make sure the stork gets the address right?”

“Reenie, they’re my family and we’re  both stuck with them. If they could show up at our wedding-”

“The courthouse, then the park,”

“Then you can put on some shoes, get your ass in a coat and spend two hours making nice.”

“It’s that what I do at my job? If I’m going to be nice, why can’t your father do something besides ignore me?”The doctor toed on her shoes likes she excepted jello with to be in them.

“He’ll come around. Speaking of your office, I noticed you’re married to your partner, soulmate, better half. Basically everything but your wife.” Taking the umbrellas from the closet, and tossed the wool jacket at the accused.

“I can’t help it if the parents bringing their daughters don't feel comfortable knowing I go home to an extra set of lady parts. Bunch of pansies.”

“Uh huh. Sure.” She held open the door.

“Who I snuggle is nobody’s business.” The door was locked behind her. “I try to asexual at work. And that was really hard one time!” She held the car door open, closed it behind the brunette and climbed in behind the wheel. “This perfect set of legs sauntered in, great ass, hypnotic eyes, glossy hair, these chew up lips I just wanted to donate lip balm to all night. Smart too. Defense lawyer for criminal/public justice. Just thinking about her is making me wet. How much do we have before we have to beat your brother’s?”

“We’re not pulling over to play mechanic.”

“But babe! I can still smell her! I had to go home early to touch myself. I felt guilty about it, for a whole minute, but then I remembered I was a doctor and I would probably never be any closer than when I did her breast exam. Which, I must say, I do better with my mouth.”

“You’re incredible.”Zandra sighed, then muttered into her hand. “Even if that’s what I was going for.”

“What was that, peppermint?”

“I said, I always wore pants. You never saw my ass.”

“I am an expert in many things, including judging asses.”

“I guess it takes one to know one.”

“Touché, my lady love. Want a little one on one touché?”

The roar of or the frigid air filled the car’s cabin.

“Pull over.”

“Huh? But we’re making great time,” the doctor was confounded.

“I said pull over. It’ll take seconds.”

“What?” The turn signal ticked as the gravel on the shoulder crunched under the tires. “Did your tampon spring a leak? Hmf!”

The second the car was in park, the front of her shirt was pulled across the cup holders and a tongue jammed between her lips. It was the sort of briefs, intense make out that is rarely seen outside of high school stairways right before a long weekend. It had Zareen’s head spinning, and left her breathless when her blouse and tongue was returned.

“You’re a jerk, you know. Now hurry up. I want to get there early to help my brother set up.”

The gear was moved back into drive.

“Well, spontaneous acts of lust next to a gas station almost make up for having to spend extra time with your parents.”

“Shut up and drive.”

“Oh I can drive. Drive all night long, baby.”

Almost an hour, three arguments, and four makeups later they were at Apa’s house. Zandra went with the host to a back room to decide it would “be more meaningful” if everyone made their own baby food jar gifts. That and both of them knew as much about glue guns as they did the working of a seven forty seven engine. 

Among the friends, family, and the excited couple, casseroles, crafts, and lively jests flowed like the wine that wasn’t present. Before the gifts were opened the expecting couple stood before the crowd, one arm around the other and one behind their back.

“Apa and I are so glad you could all make it. It means so much.” The woman with auburn hair and periwinkle frames announced.

“And,” continued her husband, “we’re sure you’re all wondering about the sex of the baby.

“Nah,” leaned Zareen, “It’s too young, remember?”

“It’s two headed,” muttered Sophie, Zandra’s little sister, who tried to suck on her e-cig only to have it slapped out of her hand.

“Girls!” Reprimanded the grandmother.

“Actually, Sophie’s not that far off.”

From their backs they produced two signs. One that read  **It’s** , and the other,  **a boy!**

Cries of “Oh my God!” and congratulations sounded as a swell joy rose up and engulfed the couple in embraces and pats. The obligatory jokes were exchanged as the gifts were opened and fawned over. It was getting late when the bulk of guest left leaving the family members behind to clean up.

This is when Zandra’s mother pulled her aside to take a walk around the block, insisting her wife stay with Sophie to play with Alice who had grown bored with the secret she knew before anyone.

A deep chill was setting in, chimney smoke perfumed the air.

“I was surprised to see the two of you here.” 

“Why’s that, mom?”

“Seems like the two of you stay busy.” Her breath curled up in the air. “And I hear, you’re going to be much busier.”

They passed a derelict fence.

“Um, unless you’re referring to a news story, I don’t see how.”

The scuff of hard soles on concrete.

“I hear you’re planning an addition to the family.”

“Apa!”

“No, not Apa, Alice. Three year olds know nothing but honesty until they’re in trouble.”

“Mom, I was waiting for something to actually happen before I told you.”

“So you’ve done nothing?”

“We’ve had some appointments. Our first donor fell through, but this new guy is Reenie’s twin brother. Hard to think there’s two of them.”

“A brother, you say. I’d like to meet him. Maybe you should put your plans on hold until you get know him better.”

“We’ve met several times, I don’t think I could do any better if I were to have a child with Reenie. I really lucked out.”

“It just seems so fast. Are you sure this is what you want? You still have plenty of time to start a family.”

One of the neighbors dogs in he distant barked.

“Just what are your concerns, mother?”

“Well, I just think that it’s a little soon. Your marriage after all...”

“Is fine. It’s not perfect, but I can’t imagine being married to anyone else.”

“But you don’t know much about this brother of hers. He could have had a troubled past. I think you should try to get to know him better.”

“I would have thought you’d trust me to do all that!”

“Well, you and Zareen came as a bit of a surprise.”

Zandra stopped.

“A surprise. And now you don’t trust me. You think there’s something wrong with me marrying a woman.”

“I never said that-”

“But you think it!” She turned on heel and high tailed it to the house.

“Sandy!”

“Not now, mom! I need my space!”

The walk back did nothing to sooth her nerves. Immediately, she found her wife sitting on the carpet.

“Reenie, we’re leaving.”

“But who will the Uno tournament?”

“Reenie!”

“‘K.” She forfeited her hand. “Later, kiddo. Talk to you later, Soph.”

“Life is suffering,” intoned the woman pushing back her dyed hair.”

“What’s supper ring?” 

“Never you mind, Alice. I’m going to say goodbye to everyone.”

Zandra found her brothers in the kitchen. She thanked them for a lovely shower, congratulated Apa, wished Dru luck, and gave the friendly advice Apa watch what he said around his oldest girl.

“Sis, what’s the rush?” Asked a concerned Dru.

“Alice let the cat out of the bag, so now mom wants me to cozy up with  brother-in-law, since, you know,somehow  _ my  _ marriage isn’t as genuine as hers.”

Apa intoned with acknowledgement.

“You’re getting a cat?”Dru was always a half step behind.

“Sorry I can’t stay and talk to Amanda, give her my love.”She hugged her little brothers.

“Right after I give her mine.”

Just then, Zareen rounded the corner to give her goodbyes after speaking to her father-in-law and the expecting mother but her wife grabbed her arm and dragged her out the front door before her mad could be ruined. 

Sensing her partner’s fury, Zareen got them some hot chocolate on the way back home. Then held the door open thinking she’d have to get the fire going and sneak off to the bedroom for the evening.

After getting her jacket off she was about to turn her attention to fireplace when arms wrapped around her middle.

“Gah! I thought you were mad at me?!”

“Why? You didn’t say anything stupid.”

“I say so many stupid things I’ve lost the ability to discern them. So are you PMSing, or...?”

“Mom still wants me to be straight.”

“Oh.” Seemed a little awkward to make a fire while being hugged. “Do you want your mom to be a lesbian?”

“No, but maybe if she was she’d understand. I’m just so disappointed. It’s never easy.” Moving together they settled in on the sofa.

“At least that’s something you and your mother have in common. That and your inability to cook.”

“I accept her. Why can’t she accept me? I’m so depressed I could melt into the couch.”

“Or my boobs,” Zareen took off her wife’s glasses and soothed her brow. “I mean since you’re talking to them and all.”

“Sometimes I want an intelligent conversation,” she muttered into the embrace.

“Oo, ouch. My doctorate can feel that one.”

“I’m so tired. Be my bed.”

“Shouldn’t you be taking your naproxen sodium?”

“No, I’m not close to cramping.” The fingers were lulling her to sleep.

“Huh, you’re late then.”

…

…

“Late!” They both cried to each other.

“It couldn’t be!”

“It could be!”

“I’ll go check!” Zandra leapt off the couch.

“I’ll-! Build that fire I was think about. I don’t want to turn on the heater. Damn bills.”

After the fire got started, the brunette came back, a re-purposed butter lid on a paper plate. With a phone timer set they waited. Three chimes and it was time.

Each held the other and took an end of the butter dish and lifted it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3  
> Mwah!


	16. Todge Dodge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How does anyone know?

“Blue!”

“Yellow!”

“Blue!”

“Yellow!”

Our couple was in a paint store.

“Blue is traditional for both genders and has a calming effect!”

“Tradition? You want to start with me about  _ tradition?! _ Fine! Yellow is traditional until the baby is born!”

While the weekend girl didn’t feel like dealing with the head-inducing pair, the manager didn’t have much of a choice. Adjusting his name tag, she stepped forward.

“Ladies, may I help you?”

“Yes, we’re planning a nursery,” a brunette pushed up her glasses.

“For our baby,” continued the smug looking blonde. “I want yellow as it’s cheerily, traditional, and will direct everyone to look at my perfect baby.”

“And I want blue because research shows it’s calming and it’s been used for both genders.”

“Sex.”

“Reenie!”

“Zandy!”

It was beginning to look like a domestic was going to break out. 

“Uh, green?”

The women were silent a moment. 

Taking hold of her chin, the brunette spoke first. 

“Green does have calmative effects, as well as being more lively. A reminder of spring.” She pulled out her phone as if to research.

The other crossed her arms behind her. “I could live with that. A soft, but light green. Nothing sickly.”

Two steps over and they started discussing the shades of pastel green. The manager felt as if he had been forgotten until the blonde turned a cutting eye on him. 

“Naturally, old paints were manufactured with toxic chemicals and some are shipped in from parts with fewer regulations.” Out of her bag she produced a long with with a few complicated names highlighted. “These are the known and suspected chemicals that have been linked to birth defects with the mother is exposed to them via inhalation. What brand do you have that avoids them?”

This was not the day to be wearing the badge.

“Let me show you our Painted Posies collections.”

It may have been his imagination but he thought from the corner of he thought he saw the brunette sneak a hand behind the blonde and squeeze her butt.

****

After a quick make out in the car, Zandra was fixing her hair.

“Let’s go to that store in the mall that has the scanner.”

Zareen was sitting dazed, shirt askew.

“Ooo, remind me to make more printouts.”

“Something to keep under my pillow with the diet book you got me.”

“You and the baby.”

Zandra’s face hurt she was smiling so hard. 

“And you and the baby are going to Mommy and Me Yoga.”

“And the parenting classes. Oh my God! Everyone’s gonna see me with my beautiful wife and how loving she can be while she’s helping bring our baby into the world!”

“Yeah, I’m wet just thinking about it. And that patty pat on my assy crack.”

“Reenie!” A hand flew out to hold back the blonde’s chest. “We need to pick out announcements!” 

“I thought we were going to use the internet. Also an ass grab, tongue in my throat, and a boob grope? Your panties can only handle so much.”

“Our baby is getting a scrapbook. And why are you wearing my underwear again?”

“I wanted to feel you close to me. I didn’t think being a thoughtful wife was going to get me some. I am getting some, right?”

“Depends on if we hate each other or love each other by the end of the day.”

“Hey, if we hate each other  we could get the gag and the-”

“Todge Dodge! That handcraft place. I love their flower press recycled paper.”

“Aw, I was dreaming!”

“You’re driving become atrocious when you’re “distracted.””

The traffic was light this morning.

An hour out of the suburbs brought the to a cliff cradled artisan town covered sweet vines, and nearly everything  thing had a wooden porch occupied by googled-eyed creatures of fantasy.

The lawyer sighed as she watched the colorful flags tickle Spanish moss.

“Remember the first time we got lost here? We fought for an hour about how to get home so you ran out of gas. Who knew you could find such great soul food at a gas station?”

“Yeah, and the stars from the top of the cliff. So many, so bright. It was hard not to stare at them while I was doing you.”

“Yeah, how do I let you talk me into those positions?”

“I said, “Hey, wanna?” and you said, “Might as well.” Good time had by all.”

The gravel popped under their tires as they pulled up into the narrow driveway. Once inside they stay down with a salesclerk and discussed fonts, color, orientation, paper weight and half a dozen other things that bored Zareen to tears. Sure she was invested, but she didn’t know what the hell her wife and the so-called expert were talking about, she just knew what she liked.

It was pretty late by the time they finished up picking up odds and ends in the quirky town. So they went to that gas station stop restaurant. Zareen got the spinach salad and Zandra got the chicken fried steak. It was their standard way of treating them when they went out and found they had arteries. 

“So, feel preggers, yet?”

“No, I feel happy knowing the blood test came back positive, but I feel fine. Are you going to be able to take off for the ultrasounds?”

The blonde pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Sweetheart, you know I want to, and I’m going to try my damnedest, but Dr.Chaaʼ is thinking about retiring and leaving the practice to me, so she’s taking more and more time off, and taking fewer patients. Babies don’t respect time off requests.”

Zandra soothed her arm. “I understand. The baby isn’t going to go anywhere. And, maybe I can stream some of my appointments to the office. I’m sure the girls will be excited.”

“You know it! Oh, are we getting announcements for them?”

“No, I’m mostly getting this round of them so I can spur mom a little, and you get to avoid an awkward phone call home.”

“So I can tell…”

The lawyer knew who her wife was talking about.

“I think we owe them something special. Let’s tell them first over dinner.”

“I have to wait longer!”

They’re dinner arrived.

“Just a little. I think it’ll mean a lot to Kit. I get the feeling he’s that type.” She eyed her steak, while Zareen tucked into the bacon greased leaves.

“Yeah, he’s gonna plotz!” She sipped her tea. “Something the matter with your food?”

"No, it's just the smell. It's a little off. You don't smell that?"

"No."

"Maybe it's the stress of shopping, or low blood sugar from skipping lunch."

"Yeah, we suck. But at least I never skip dessert." Wrapping her tongue around her fork, Zareen brought it to her lips and sucked it clean.

Her wife watched, a shiver went threw her and then a bolt that had her cry out.

"You okay, cream puff?"

"Uh, y-yeah." Beads of sweat dotted her hair line, and she hastily fumbled with her utensils. "Say, after dinner do you want to drive up to that cliff?"

"I don't know about that, there's a chance of ice tonight. We should probably get home while the roads are still warm." A purple onion ring slipped from her fork and she had to retrieve it. The clouds have been gray cast all day, and other patrons for still wrapped in sweaters. It seems like the logical thing to do, but it seemed the weather was the furthest thing from the brunette’s mind.

"Even just for a couple minutes?"

"Nah, and that old cliff is pretty steep. If there is any ice, it’s going to be up there first. Better to just go home to some apple cider and the fireplace."

Zandra was fidgeting as she cut into her steak. As the evening progressed each bite of steak that was accompanied by a grimace that went unnoticed by the doctor, who merrily planned the first revelation of their future child. By the end, Zandra had only finished half her steak, and was playing with her glasses. She complained that the meal was sitting heavy in her stomach, something they both attributed to a change in cooking methods. Thinking no more of it they set off towards the highway back home. But Sandra couldn't keep still in the car, constantly crossing and crossing her legs, her eyes squinted in distress.

"Zands, you alright?" Asked Zareen finally taking notice of her wife's discomfort.

"No, the steak and potatoes aren’t settling down. I think they're trying to visit me again."

"Do I need to pull over?"

"When you come into a gas station. I think I can hold on ‘til then."

However not even five minutes later...

"Stopped the car, now!"

"But we're in the middle of nowhere! There's nowhere to stop, but the shoulder!" Then she saw the first dry heave and decided to pull over into the shoulder. Zandra bolted out of her seat and manage to lean over the concrete barrier emptying out her stomach contents. Even once her dinner and meager breakfast were spewn over the highway, her muscles continued to convulse. Her wife was torn between keeping the car warm and going to help, eventually deciding in the car would be fine on its own, and going to hold back her wife's hair.

"Baby, are you okay? Was at dinner? No one been missing from work, have they? I don't remember hearing about the stomach bug. Unless it's the flu, but the flu rarely causes vomiting. Wait, didn't you get your flu shot three weeks ago?" Zandra took and offered tissue cleaned her mouth.

"I got the vaccine. I don't know, maybe it was the steak, maybe it's just the excitement of the day. I am exhausted. Let's see if we can get somewhere for supplies and try to make it home."

"Okay angel, whatever you feel is best." Zareen helped her back into the car.

"I thought you were the doctor. Don't you know what's best?"

"Yeah, but I prefer being your wife."

"Careful, all that sweet talk as going make me sick again."

They manage to find a gas station and pick up some precautionary things and continued home. It began to sleet just about the time they made it into the driveway. The little light next to door welcoming them home. Even though Zandra was fit to sleep for a hundred years she was now starving, but nothing her wife suggested appealed to her. Even plain toast was too adventurous. Finally they settled for saltines and sips of water, but that came nowhere close to replacing the meals she has lost. The nausea never really went away. So they both showered and retired for the night.

In the morning the doctor woke up to the alarming sounds of dry heaving in the bathroom.

"You know how I mentioned pregnancy was harder on more mature bodies than it is on my horny teens? Well that includes morning sickness. Which doesn't just happen in the morning."

"How am I supposed to eat?" Zandra asked the toilet bowl. The wise toilet had no answers, just a slight whiff of bleach that had her heaving again.

"Stick to the basics. We have some carrots I could cut them for you."

“Nothing sounds appealing.”

“Sweetie, you have to eat. If you name it, I can get it.”

“All I want is for my stomach to stop trying to expel itself from me!”

“Coffee?”

“Why don’t you rip out my intestines with your bare hands?! I’d be more meri-ul-huhrl,” the toilet received the rest.

“Congratulations, you’re super pregnant. Only eight more months!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going for a record of old homo terms and horrible names I lazily translated.


	17. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who would be the first person you told?

_ I'm going to kill him.  _ The defense lawyer was twisting her pen in her fingers, grinding her teeth, her eyes itch with fatigue and she stared down her opponent. The poor sap had just finished law school, thrown on a suit, and was now fumbling his way through his opening statement.  _ Going to take this pen push it through his temple, take the body throw it into a vat of hot dog water and boil the flesh from his bones. And then I'm going to strap Reenie to the roof the car and ride her until my hips break. _

This month had seen the elimination of caffeine from Zandra’s world. Not that she has been able to drink much with the constant nausea that plagued her. But the knowledge that she couldn't have caffeine drove her over the wall. The hormone in fluxes weren’t helping anything. The doctors had a short her that her baby was only a few inches long and thus ultrasound was unnecessary. Still she's anxious to see the results of all her suffering.

At least everyone else was having fun with her pregnancy.

In fact just a couple of weeks ago she had the joy of telling the first person about it.

***

Seated in an old world Italian restaurant, with a fireplace burning cheerfully on the back wall, two couples held their breath anticipation.

"Don't worry about the price guys," Zareen assured, "Tonight is on the little lady in me."

"You mean the cost of the food on you like in Japan?" Asked Kit who was looking very dapper in his suit.

"No," sighed Marley." How would they even get the noodle stay place?"

"Nude arts are a mystery."

"No, no. We just wanted to treat the two review to show our gratitude for everything you've done for us. Reenie and I have a little announcement to make." Zandra grandly announced as she took her wife's hand. The rain beaming with joy.

"Yeah," the doctor continued, "but maybe we should wait ‘til after dinner."

"Aw, but good news makes the best seasoning!" insisted Kit.

"With a premise like that I doubt we'd be able to focus on our food," agreed Marley.

"Well if you're sure. I don't want to ruin your fun," teased Zareen.Squeezing back on the hand with aqua inset band, she and Zandra announced together...

"We’re pregnant!"

"And I'm the father," proudly declared Zareen.

The invited couple broke into applause. Kit even got up to hug his newfound sister. Congratulations and gratitude were exchanged as well as food orders when the waiter came.

"This must be so exciting for the two of you," Marley toasted them with his drink. "So much to do and so little time before your whole life changes! Do you even know where to start?"

"Actually we've already picked out a nursery color start painting. And I have a list for the a gift registry for shower. I'm so excited we just can't wait to meet our little blessing!"

"Yeah," agreed kit," we're going to have such a beautiful baby together." His side was elbowed by his husband who glared at him.

"Their baby, Kit. Do you realize you might never get to see it?"

"I don't get to see the baby?"

"Of course you get to see the baby," assured Zareen." You are my brother after all and the whole reason were able to have it. It's only fair you get to see it. Great, Zandy?"

"Of course. I want you to be a part of Zareen’s life, and to be a part of Zareen’s life means you're going to be part of my life and our child’s life. That's what it means to be a family."

Hearing this, Kit went still, turned his head, and then excused himself from the table. The women could not mask their concern.

"I'm sorry. Family is something that's very important to Kit. He never had one before he met me, so every thing he does is trying to make up for lost time. That's part of the reason why he's so dedicated to helping other people start a family, and why he likes to meet the couple beforehand to make sure they are ready to make that commitment. That way no child to feel as unwanted as he did growing up."

“Oh lord." Breathe Zandy. "Should I talk to him?"

"No," Marley stood up from the table." I better do it. He's embarrassed to be overly emotional in front of people. Likes to put up a bit of a tough guy act."

After Marley left the two women tried to think about the best way to negotiate the situation. Zareen was in favor of acting casual as if nothing was amiss. Her wife on the other hand wanted to approached the problem with a level head and talk to kids about how healthy it is to express one's emotions be they positive or negative. Eventually they came to a compromise right about the time Marley return with his husband, eyes puffy but otherwise appeared in good spirits. Still he had to get a hug in from both the doctor and the lawyer.

"So, are you going to name the baby Kit Junior?" Late dinner had arrived, so they had one more distraction.

"Kit," scolded Marley.

"I was going to go for Assy Mcgee-Cutie Buns, but Zanster has this super long list as she needs to go through. Most of it dead relatives. Or just plain dead people. Babe? Why do you want to name our kid after he dead people?"

"You're asking me about my prospective names when you're making up ridiculous, insulting, detrimental nonsense like Assy Mcgee-Cutie Buns?"

"It’s original! Our baby is the most awesome babies there ever will be, and thus deserves a name that has never been and will never be used afterwards! I just took our best features and put them together. Kind of like how I punched your cervix with that sperm."

"How is you being an ass and cute buns our best aspects?"

"Well after your eyes, it was the first thing I noticed about you. And I don't think you kept coming to me because of my cold hands." Zareen leaned close and cupped her hand over the brunettes here to whisper, "Even though you did like the field my glove." Her toes were squashed under the table.

"I would've thought becoming a mother would slow her down," lamented Marley.

"Excuse me? I am going to be A dom, a Dad Mom."

Kit had to snicker into his napkin.

"Honey, we need to talk about that term," Said Zandra.

"Yeah," Kit waved a speared meatball in their face." Because Mars isn't a dad or mom, but I still call him Dom." Suddenly, pain contracted over his face and he bowed his head in silent agony. His partner coughed into his fist.

"Ignore him. Just, just ignore him. That part-time job of his doesn't take him out of the house nearly enough. You wouldn't believe the things I have come home to. Enough to drive one mad."

"I thought about being an mad, but the name just didn't make sense to me. That's why I went to Dom."

"Or you could just pick one," offered Zandra rubbing the bridge of her nose. Looking like she was trying to erase part of the evening. 

"Why should I have to pick one? I'm awesome enough to do both!"

"Because it's simpler, and less confusing for the child."

"I don't know," Zareen pondered." I always felt like I was missing out, not having to dad growing up. Or anything more than an absentee mom. If I'm being perfectly honest. Hm. Is there a book I can read? I don't really have any role models what it is to be a dad or a mom."

"Yes, we can research some good ones together. In the meantime, when I decide to forgive my parents you can ask them. Is nothing else they have decades of experience."

"Yeah, being bigoted jerks is relatively new for them."

"Pardon?" Marley paused nibbling on his garlic bread.

The couple of them proceeded to recount the incident of Apa's baby shower, as well as numerous other times when their daughters "lifestyle choice" have been called into question. It was all very offensive. Marley was most taken back when he heard how his husband wasn't considered  _ really _ married and that random people we're trying to set him up with other people. At that remark he was ready to get on the phone and give the Mutra matriarch more than one word of advice.

It is truly is upsetting how the people you think you can rely on and love unconditionally can hurt you to your core out of what they perceive to be pure love. By the end of that rant Kit was feeling a little better about not having any family to disappoint him. After all now the only family he had was the one he had built himself. People who had to get to know him, and accept him as he was. No room for misconceptions there.

It's funny how love can be a double-edge sword.

***

"It's not going to hurt you," whispered Zandra rubbing her lower abdomen as she drove back to her office after that court hearing. "No, I'm going to learn who you are alongside you. You're probably going to hate me. It's okay, there's been a lot of times I've hated me to. But I promise, there's _ always  _ going to be someone Who loves you. Even if I can always be there.

"And I want some goddamn fucking coffee!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know a few adopted people, but we never got into the details of how they feel. I'm kinda basing this on my mother's upbringing. Hi mom! I write zmut for lawbians! Are you proud?!


	18. Holidays with The Diamonds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who's D.D? Did she have a secret life as the dancer Double D?

Gray slushy banks dotted the landscape. Even though the holidays were just around the corner, neither the gynecologist or the lawyer managed to get home before dark. Both were fatigued, but it was especially rough for the expecting mother. Another month has to come and pass, but the nausea remained. When she went to see her doctor, he had expressed his concern that she had not been gaining enough weight to support the pregnancy. Most people would shrug it off, thinking that it was merely a delayed inevitability. Even her doctor said as much, but for Zandra, who once bought bear mace in preparation for picnic, it was a blow to her sense of safety.

Now they were driving the long dark winding roads of the countryside. It was the first time they have been together and awake for more than twenty minutes in weeks. The wipers kept steady beat, flinging away the snow that was barely coming down. Most of the drive had been in silence. The brunette was tried and paranoid.

"Did you remember the casserole," asked Zandra.

"No, why would I remember the casserole. It was my job remember the gifts."

"Because you're in charge of the food? I'm not allowed near food. Not that I want to be these days. This is like some first level of hell. I'm sick because I'm tired. I'm tired because I'm hungry. And I'm hungry because I'm sick! And now I'm going to lose the baby!"

"What?! Who said you were going was the baby?!"

"The doctor said I'm not gaining enough weight. I was supposed to gain a pound. Instead I've lost it! All because of this stupid nausea!"

"Zandy, that's normal for women your age. The first trimester is the hardest. You're a spinning cocktails hormones, and your body is just trying to hold on. This is it not doing a good job of vomiting everywhere."

"No," Zandra insisted, "There's something wrong with me. I'm incapable of a full-term pregnancy, I'm going to miscarriage, and then neither one of us will ever be mothers! And then Maria will be right about me!"

"Who the hell is Maria?!"

"She was a girl I knew in junior high. She said I was a butch lesbian, that I was going to die alone, because my family would reject me, and I’d never have another one!"

"Zandy, that's ridiculous!"

"It is not! She was right about everything! Freaking, psychic, manic pixie!"

"Zandy that doesn't even make sense. How can a preteen knows the future?"

"She was right about the lesbian thing!"

"One thing! She could have guess anything! On that day you just happen to be the lesbian!"

"You don't believe me! You don't want to listen to me! You casserole forgeter!"

"Oi! I'm trying! It's hard talking to a crazy person! You become irrational when your blood sugar is low. It's like talking to a right-wing conservative!"

"You! You take that back!"

"You tell me Maria has nothing to do with your life right now!"

"Fine!"

"Good!"

The heater was a little strong since the heat had built up so the blonde lowered the fan.

"What are we going to do about the casserole?"

Zareen kept staring at the road.

"We can make a stop somewhere. I'll pick something up and if not we’ll explained a very good reason why we don't have one."

"And what reason is that?"

"That grand-baby were working on."

“Oh dear. We’ll have to explain where gay babies come from,” Zandra smirked, a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

There was a lonely store open in town. All of the casseroles were frozen, so they settled for a pie and a bottle of sparkling juice. It was a choice that raised a few eyebrows when they were met at the door. Still Pearl hurried them in, brushing off and fussing at the snow on their shoulders.

The doctor snickered, nudged her wife and pointed at the silver branches decorated with burning candles, the olive branch over every doorway, and the table that was set with so many navy and gold decorations and food that they barely had place to sit.

Pearl circled the guests seated at the table, pouring the gifted juice.

“I told you the roads would be bad. Oh, the weather up here is dreadful! Not like Florida. Why this time of year in Florida-”

“Pearl, enough about Florida,” Zareen’s mother, spiked silver hair carefully coiffed, eyed the pale bubbles, “The girls are here. I’m sure they have plenty to say, since they never have time to call.”

“Aw, mom,” Zareen twisted her fingers with her wife’s under the tablecloth, “you know babies don’t respect the nine to five work day. And naturally, justice never sleeps, so neither does Zandy here.”

“You’re looking well Ms. Diamond, Pearl,” remarked Zandra waiting for her hostess to take the first sip.

“Oh, it’s that new yoga class Rabbi Blue started for ladies in the neighborhood. Now, your mother didn’t feel the need to do all that bending and stretching in a group, but we moved the sette and follow along on the dvds. It’s been wonderful for my neck pain!”

“Are you sure it’s not because I moved out?” jested the doctor, Zandra faking a cough into her fist.

“Oh no! You didn’t catch a cold, did you Zandra?” Pearl was half out of her seat in a flash.

“No, no it’s not that!” She waved the woman back into her seat. “I already had my flu shot this year.”

“Yeah, she had to get her’s early this year.” Zareen unlaced her fingers in favor of wrapping her arm around the tense shoulders. “We’ll both getting all the available vaccines this year and next.”

“That good,” Her mother cut into the roast beef, “a wasted day of work is great shame.”

The dishes were passed around. Zandra stuck to breads, and vegetables; the meats turned her stomach.

“Are you feeling alright, dear?” Pearl asked, looked over her nose at the sparse dish. “You barely have anything on plate.”

“Yes, Pearl fussed for months over this roast beef,” Remarked the head of the table.

“I did not!”

“No, that sounds about right,” Zareen reflected. “Chanukkah wouldn’t even be put away and you’d have a list started for next year.”

“Well, when else can you evaluate what went right and what needs to change?!”

The couple was chuckling.

“Calm down, Pearl!”

“Yes, we greatly appreciate the level of thought and detail you put into everything. I’m sure Ms. Diamond is every grateful that you get such great deals on everything. I’d love to know how you scored those olive branches. I thought they were out of season.”

The proper compliment was always enough to soothe Pearl’s ruffled feathers. The rest of dinner was finished in pleasant conversation. By the time dessert rolled around, Pearl came around with sweet wine, and was declined by the doctor and lawyer.

“Zareen, the wine has always been your favorite part. Why the sudden abstinence?” Her mother asked.

Zandra cleared her throat, ”Well, the answer for that is rather simple.”

“We’re having a baby!”

The look on their faces was priceless! Pearl dropped the wine as her hands flew to her lips, eyes watering. And Ms. Diamond looked positively shocked. She stared at them like she expected them to start flying into the wallpaper at any second.

“AY-YAY-YAY! Bubbalas!” Pearl wrapped her bony arms around both women. “I’m so happy! A baby! Oh there’s so much to do! And D.D!” She turned to Mrs. Diamond. “You’re going to be a Bubba! Oh! I’m so glad I save Z.Z’s things! I put them in the cedar chest in the attic!

“Oh, but where is my mind?! I’ve got to get the dishes cleared!” She fussed, half tripping over the fallen and spilling wine. “Zareen! Get the mop!”

“Sure, Pearl.”

“And I’ll start clearing the table,” offered Zandra.

Ms. Diamond patted her mouth with the napkin.

“I wouldn’t hear of it! Especially, in your condition. No, no! You must be tired, and nauseous! Oh you, dear thing! I have some old family remedies from my mama. I’ll go work on them. You go rest.”

While Pearl and Zareen cleared the table, Ms. Diamond rose from the the table.

“Zandra, I’d like a word with you in the den.” She stood and walked out without looking back. The den looked the same. It had remained unchanged since Zandra first stepped into it years ago. Zareen said her mother made sure everything was left as her father placed it before he passed, but Zandra felt that was another dramatic exaggeration.  

The head of the Diamond house stood, hands folded behind her tapered back, shoulders broad and square, watching the fireplace.  

The lawyer had never felt comfortable in her mother-in-law’s presence, let alone her house, so she stood twisting her wedding ring. But the woman sat and gestured at the chair opposite of her, and Zandra obliged.

Ms. Diamond sat, arms resting on the chair, at ease and control.

“I must say, I was a little surprised. I had no idea the two of you were planning a family.”

“It’s something we’ve talked about and I felt the time was right.”

“I take it you’ve found a donor.”

“Yes, Kit was very willing to work with us.”

“I was wondering how she found this long lost brother of hers. I still need to meet him. Though I doubt much will come of it.”

“He is a lot like her in many ways. You really didn’t know about him?”

Ms. Diamond studied the fire.

“None. The orphanage didn’t have him. They said she was only child; no one questioned it. If I had known I wouldn’t have broken up siblings.”

A log split, a chunk tumbling down.

“Zandra, I’m not good with family. In my day a woman could answer phones, a man, teach, or be a stewardess, but none of those things were for me. I wanted what they had; respect, power, and autonomy. I thought I had to give up having a family to get what I wanted. Even once I had a child I stuck to what I knew worked. I think Zareen resents me for it. But,” she almost seemed to sigh, closing her eyes against the dry heat, “I want to do better. I don’t expect you to call me mom, hell, my own kid doesn’t regularly, but I’d like it if you called me Dinah. And if there’s anything you need don’t hesitate.”

“Not thinking about retirement, are you?” Zandra teased.

“Who know? Maybe none of us can last forever.

“When’s the due date?”

“September 12th.”

“A miserable date. I never cared for September. August is better.”

“Well, who knows. Babies have a way of making their own schedule.”

“Even after they’re grown. You’re going to want to take naps during the day, and ginger ale is suppose to help. The real stuff; the kind you can’t stand. Ginger tablets are better, harsher on the empty stomach though. You’ll need to drink a full glass of water with them. Why do you give them a try tonight?”

“Sure, if it’s not a bother.”

Dinah stood and motioned her to follow to the kitchen.

“No bother at all. Pearl set up the house to send alerts to her phone when we’re running out of something or some pill is about the expire. I’ll never understand it, but the woman loves her projects. She might not sleep for dragging out Zareen’s old baby things and washing them. I don’t even know if you have room in that car of yours.”

Pearl and Zareen were having a vocal discussion on the order of the dishwasher.

“Oh, Ms. Diamond-!”

“Save it Pearl, we’re all family here. No point in keeping up appearances.” She opened the labeled medicine cabinet.  

“Did you need something? Are you not feeling well? It was the potato casserole, wasn’t it?! Oh, I knew I should have boiled instead of scalloped the potatoes!”

“Calm down! I’m just getting the ginger for Zandra. Poor girl looks like she’s competing in one of those drag shows of yours.”

***

“I can’t believe it! Mom watches drag queens! I’ve died. I died and this is heaven! Let’s snuggle and finish it!” The doctor had climbed into bed and cuddle up to her wife.

“I’m not having sex in your mother’s house.”

“It’s her house, but my room. Come on! You know what your flannel pjs do to me. All covered up and floofy. Reenie wants to dig for her surprise.”

The comforter wrestled and Zandra’s tablet reading was disturbed until there was a knock on the door.

“Ugh! It’s Pearl!” Zareen abandoned her game, rolling over to pull the sheets closer. “You get it.”

“It’s your room! You get it!” She nudged her shoulder.

“And we’re married so what’s mine is yours, so please, take my step-mom wanna-be!”

The lawyer throw off the covers to get her robe, muttering all the way to the door.

“Zandra, I do hope I didn’t wake you. Where’s Zareen?”

“Zareen is naked and sleeping,” Zareen informed her from across the room.

“Honesty! That girl! How ever do you manage?”

“Same way you did until she moved out,” the lawyer shrugged.

“Any hoo, I brought you some tea to help you sleep and settle your stomach. I’ll go into town and get it fresh. Fresh is _so_ much more effective.” She passed over the delicate art deco tea cup with gold trim.

“Oh you don’t need to go to that-”

“Please! It’s no trouble at all! You’re going to need to gain a lot of weight. You were skin and bones to start with! I don’t even know if your body knows how to hold on to it.

"But it’s late! You need your rest. Wouldn’t do to catch a chill! Good night, dear! Good night Zareen!”

And in the same whirlwind she created, Pearl left, a positive spring in her step.

“Well, that was weird,” taking care, Zandra set the cup and saucer on the nightstand.

“She’s so happy she’s going to explode.” The small bed dipped and creaked.

“The intensity is scary. What did she give me?”

“Chamomile and lavender. It’s safe. Ruins the sex drive though.”

Her wife sat up and sipped it.

“It’s boring. Didn’t you give me some of this when we first started dating?”

“Yeah, grew up having it mixed into my nightly milk. Boring, but it works. We have some at home. Remember?”

“No. Guess I can suffer it if it helps.

“I talked to your mom.”

“Sorry.”

“She’s going to talk to Kit. I think she’s rethinking some things.”

“Yeah, she said she had no idea about him. She was so shocked she went dead silent on the phone when I told her. Maybe I should be there when they meet.

“What is even the protocol for this? You find out your adopted daughter has a full grown brother none of you ever knew about. Do you bring a present?”

“And now she’s going to be a grandma. How did Pearl put it? A?”

“A Bubba, it’s like granny or something. I bet she sneers at the baby. Let’s wait until it’s eighteenth birthday to introduce them.”

“Be nice. I think this means a lot to her. You should call her mom more.”

“Why?”

“I think she regrets some things she did, and didn’t do. The world was different for her. She thought there were a lot of things she had to sacrifice to get to where she is.”

“A heartless bitch on Ice Titty Mountain?”

“No, I think she had to become that to get respect. Now try to get along with her.” She finished the tea, and turned off the light. “You’re going to want a free baby sitter, aren’t you?”

Zandra looked over her shoulder.

“What for?”

“I’m not having marathon sex with our kid in the house.”

That got her attention.

***

When the holiday had passed everyone gathered at the front door, the car nearly bursting with freshly cleaned baby gear. Naturally, Pearl had to make a production of it all; so many promises had to be made about phone calls.

“Now if there is a problem with anything or you find better, I don’t know what’s out there now, go ahead and send it up. You won’t hurt our feelings in the least.” Pearl gave them both a parting hug.

“Thanks Pearl, Mother.” Zareen was already half turned towards the car.

“Yes, thank you for the- well for everything. It was wonderful. You’re very generous.”

“How? It was my junk.”

“Reenie!”

“What?”

“Thank you again for having us,” The sun peeked out from behind the clouds, “Dinah and Pearl.”

Zareen and Pearl were speechless as Dinah smiled softly.

“Any time Zandra. You’re a pleasure to have. Even if you bring my loud mouth daughter.”

The lawyer giggled at the stunned blondes frozen in place.

“This was my favorite Chankuna yet!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I agonized over YD's name. I finally went with a Black Canary reference. If anyone knows a better name for her let me know. I just thought is was more natural her mother would give her a name that could be turned into a cute nickname. A shame Pearl's the only one that uses it, and rarely at that. All hail Pearl! Super Gay Aunt! Except, of course she's not gay, she was just busy.


	19. Ropes and Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After dealing with a hard client Dr. Mutra-Diamond takes an hour to unwind with the office ladies, but an hour gets stretched out and now her wife is not happy.

“What if something happens in the middle of the night?! You’re a doctor! It’s your  _ job  _ to take care of her and my grand-baby!”

Some spittle landed on her cheek form the red rimmed gnashing hole.

“I’m sorry, ma’am it is the office’s policy no to hand out person information. The first trimester is the roughest, but your daughter is in perfect health and if any problems you can call the office or go to an emergency department that will fully equipped to handle any issue.”

“That’s not good enough! You’re selfish! How can you go home and forget your patients! I’ve never in all my life! If you refuse to give me your number this will be the last time you see us!”

“Ma’am, you’re asking the impossible. If she was a health risk, or close to delivery we could set something up, but there is no need at this point-”

“This is discrimination! This is because we’re Jewish! I’m going to sue you! Desiree, let’s go!”

“Best of luck, Desiree” She saw the pained look on the young woman’s face as she went to redress. “My wife will look forward to seeing you in court Mrs. Goldstein. If that’s what you choose.” Taking her chart she left the room to check in with the nurse’s station.

She slouched over the counter to warn in a low voice. “Sophie, I need you to handle loco in there when she comes out. I’m taking two minutes in the break room.”

“Yes, doctor.”

Good ole Sophie. Her unflappable demeanor seemed to weather any storm, and served as a litmus paper for crazy. Some people calmed down, others flew off the handle more when their outrageous behavior and demands.

There was a bag of chocolate hidden in a empty box of lube in the supply closet for days like this. Snapping off a square, she broke out her phone to text her wife.

_ Show me your boobs. _

A picture of a scowling middle age man came through.

_ How is Bob today? _

**Pissy. Tough day?**

_ Just another first time granny threatening to sue me. I neglected to mention you were in criminal law and now civil. They always shut up when I mention I’m married to a lawyer. _

**If only we met sooner. We could scare the pants off everyone.**

_ You don’t have to scare me to get my pants off. ;) _

**….**

**Damn it! Damn it!Damnit! Damn it!**

_ You forgot you couldn’t have coffee?  _

**No! You! Damn it! You’re in trouble when you get home1**

_ Can I be in trouble with you? _

**No!**

“Well, fine,” Zareen sighed as she pocketed her phone. “Just a cherry on my shit sundae.

For the rest of the day she was on auto-pilot; going through the motions without giving think a second thought. The nurses waited until the last patient left and then ripped into the loud mouth woman who couldn’t control herself.

“Wasn’t she the one who said a ghost raped her in her sleep and that’s how she conceived her daughter?”

“Yeah, because at sixteen that was the only way.” 

“Nee-Nee, you are so snarky!”

“Hey, Diamond, you were on the front lines. Wanna grab a drink with us?”

“Where are you going?”

“Kiki’s?”

“Aw, man. I shouldn’t. I’m a married woman after all. One drink, and then I have to go home.”

“Soph? You coming?”

“No. I have plans already.” The petite woman shouldered her purse. “You really want to get home soon, doctor. Your wife is going to be anxious.”

“Oh, so you do know her middle name!” 

Zareen had the best intentions to only be half an hour but the office already knew about the baby and the twisted tale of how the family had nearly doubled in mere months. What else could she do but stay and give them all the details of what was happening. The doctor had been a natural performer from birth, and flourished each detail with wrist flicks, waves of her arms and cartoonish faces. 

She had them eating out of the palm of her hand.

The phone buzzed in her pocket. Two hours had passed. She was never that late coming home. Even though she had texted before leaving the office about her plans, she still knew she needed to get home. 

Throwing back the last swig of her drink, she took a bow from the stage to the disappointment of her fans and typed out a rushed text before leaping into her car.

“Zandy! I’m home!” Her smart-mouth bride was nowhere to be seen as she took off her watch to get comfortable. The house was quiet and dark. Maybe her wife was in the office. There were some leftovers on a paper plate she popped into microwave.

Zandra materialized behind the microwave door, startling her.

“O-oh there’s my love bug! Hey, you’re wearing your silk robe. I thought you were working.”

The lawyer had her glasses pushed up, arms crossed, foot tapping. 

“I thought you were coming straight home,” she snapped.

“Some wack-o wants to sue me for hating Jews, and you were mad. I needed a break. But-” she held up a finger for silence, and Zandra’s mouth popped close, “I didn’t mean to stay out that late. I got caught up telling the girls about the holidays and the baby. They started a poll on if it’s a boy or a girl.”

“Let’s go to bed.”

Zareen sighed, slouching over the counter.

“I’m tired and I need to eat.”

“Didn’t you eat out?”

“Nope, I’m married! I planned on one drink and that’s what I did. I swear I only planned to stay an hour.”

“Fine. But  _ I  _ still want to go to bed.” Stepping forward she reached behind the blonde’s neck, the brush of skin on her’s still sent tingles down her spin, and unclasp the necklace that only came off at home. “You can still eat out,” the whispered words against her lips, the brief connections sent her heart racing.

“Damn! I wasn’t horny until I came home. Now I’m tired, hungry, and hard!”

“So let’s fix that,” rough nails worked the buttons on her blouse, but were stopped.

“I need twenty minutes.”

“Ten.”

“Fifteen.”

“Fine, but if I have to wait longer I’m locking you out and going back to the wand,” turning on her heel she sat on the sofa, and crossed her legs, the silk sliding down her thigh.

“Oi, the one night!” The microwave beeped, so she took her hot plate and joined her.

“Your fault! You shouldn’t sext people at work!”

“That wasn’t a sext. I can do sext. That was flirting. I’m allowed to flirt with my wife.

“Besides it wasn’t that big of a deal before. What’s the matter? You all hot and bothered?”

“Twelve minutes!”

“You so are. I’m the luckiest woman in the world! A smart, talented, pregnant, enchanting, wet wife waiting at home. I hit the ballpark. I guess you really should hit my ass for staying out.”

“Guess you’re not that hungry.”

The doctor started eating in earnest, almost choking a few times.

“Pearl sent more tea. I’m mad that stuff works. The worse it taste the longer I can keep food down.”

Irregular shapes poked her wife’s swollen cheeks, the bile rose to the back of her throat.

“Problem, babe?”

“No,” she snapped, holding her stomach, “You smell bad!”

“Oh, huh. Guess your pregnancy super smell is still active. At least it should be getting better soon.”

“We can only hope.” Standing, Zandra untied her rope, letting it float behind her bare form as she headed to the bedroom. Zareen didn’t waste beat, scooping the feather light garment and sprinting with it behind her.

Waiting for her were the faux satin sheet made all the more inviting by the waves of dancing candle light that shone from wicks floating in hot wax. 

“Oh, I’m a bad, bad girl.” 

Zandra turned, a neon rope twisted between her hand before she snapped it taunt. Zareen fell to her knees.

“Teach me in the ways of pain and lovin’.”

“Get up. This is for me.”

“Oh sweet,” using her knee she stood. “Any requests?”

“Wrists, headboard, and not over the ads or breasts. They’re-” A light peck to the top of her mound reminded her the thin line between pleasure and pain they had been in for weeks. 

“Sensitive?” Amber eyes were round and soldering.

“Yes.”

“Oh!” She took the rope, draped it over her shoulders and took hold of her rounding hips, and kissed the lawyer’s face, and neck. “Whatever shall I do about that?”

Fingers hovered, barely touching her waist.

“That’s your problem,” she muttered, tilting her head so the lips had more access to her neck. A hum buzzed across her skin causing a shiver to run down her spine and stiffen the points of her breasts. That hum said the wheels were turning in her wife’s brain. A knee pressed between her’s, she took the cue and moved back. Hands on her back and ass gently lowered her, the lips moving down her collarbone. Zandra’s face burned with the blood racing through her. All day on edge, and now she was being teased, but it’ll be worth it. Reenie always made it worth it.

The slither of rope follows warming hands, rough and dry with the use of soap and hand sanitizer. Over and under, twisting. The skin was kissed before it disappeared under the spring color. The more her torso was lapped by the rope the more pressure she felt when breathing. This was the edge between calming and arousing. She thread one hand through the short flaxen lack, the other rubbed her pubic mound. Zandra didn’t even realize she was doing it, until she had to lift her bum and got caught.

“Tsk, tsk! Playing with yourself while I’m doing all this work!” Quickly she finished wrapping the rope around her thighs so it would stay over her clit but not floss her butt.

“Careful!”

“What? I am!” 

Zandra took her hand and placed it on the lowest part of her abdomen. It was warmer than usual, and when she pressed she could feel a tiny knock.

“Feel it? It’s probably harder for you, but I can. It feels full.”

A warm fondness came over the blonde. Smiling she kissed the scar Zandra’s mother left her and now connected to the same spot on her own child, then the spot the tiny human was growing. 

“It was all eight fingers and toes.”

“Eight?!”

Chuckling, Zareen came up to kiss her scowling mouth.

“Gonna toss out the baby for that?”

“N-no, but don’t joke like that!”

“Just preparing you.” She opened a nightstand next to them and lid a sleeping mask over those sea blue eyes. “Now, for being a dirty little bird, you’re going to rub yourself to completion.” Ropes bound her legs to her thighs, firm but not uncomfortable, making her feel like a slutty turkey. “I could plug your ears if you keep up your dequilency.” Zareen wrapped her left arm several times before feeding it through a towel ring over the bed, its purpose disguised with a scarf of chiffon hung through it.

“Yeah, I waited all day and half the night just to blindfold my-my” a tongue traced the diamond shape framing her breast.

“Tick-tock, wasting cock,” teased her wife, who left the bed to undress.

While Zandra slowly started to play, Zareen popped into the shower, keeping the door open to make sure she didn’t miss a cry for help or someone at the door. A brisk, but thorough scrub later, she walked out toweling her hair to pick some toys, but found a random assortment on the table already. Seemed her lawyer had a few more plans for the evening. 

The poor woman was twisting, and writhing, the fingers in her snatch ineffectively working, her muscles straining in their confines. She took a moment to appreciate the curving pattern of lace she created that formed a semi corset on the bottom half her ribs. While she didn’t like wearing complicated rope designs, but did like looking at them, and was calming to make them. Plus, her wife looked hotter than hell in them. 

_ Damn! I want to suck that clit, and tongue that vag. Tasty little morsel. And it’s all mine! _ A quick rub of the side of her hand down her slit and she returned to the bed, being as quiet as she could, delighting in the gasp when her hands slid down the tense thighs cool with perspiration, and up, using the slightest pressure to open them and keep them in place. The hand stopped mucking about and started working with more mindfulness. But Zareen was happy kiss, licking, and sucking the love she felt into marks of fragile skin, the smell of pussy, and rope in her nose, the song of sex being played. They were never getting rid of their springs.

“Ngh! Please!”

“Mm?”

“Please! Just-just-!”

“You’re Lady Justice? I knew she was blind, didn’t think she was gagged and bound though. Does make sense she’s not wearing underwear though.”

Zandra moaned, “Lower, lower!”

“Like toe stuff, huh?”

She muttered something.

“What was that?”

“I called you a “non-fucking bitch!”

Her hand was seized, raised, and her pubes slapped.

The sudden impact made her gasp and groan, she barely noticed her free hand had joined it’s sister in bondage.

“God damn, fucking, freelance, cunt sucking, tit slapping-” A blow came down for each insult, each one sounding wetter than the last, until her filthy mouth was filled with fingers slick with her own desire, the blindfold was ripped off. Gold eyes smiled at helpless loving aqua.

“Dirty whore. I’m going to spank that potty mouth off of whoever taught you that language, and I’m going make you watch. Your masochist ass will turn green with envy.”

“Fuck me! Please! Please! Please!” She struggled in her ropes.

“I really shouldn’t. Calling me all those awful names, and not waiting for me to finish your pretty suit,” she nudged a swollen nipple, “and then I come back and you can’t even do one simple task. I should leave you here, open all night. Maybe that foul mouth friend of yours can come and finish the job.”

“No!” Zandra moaned. It was a threat emptier than twenty year old stall in a gas station, but it was an instinctual reaction.     

“I suppose did leave you waiting enough.”

Even though Zandra’s lily was is full bloom, Zareen still held her open and eased the hooked dildo in until the finger shaped vibrator nestled her abused play button.

This wasn’t the office.

The device was turned all the way up, a knee punched her in the cheek, but she forgave it. Zandy wasn’t really there anymore. She twisted and arched like a woman possessed, her lower lip appearing and disappearing but barely any sound made.

Letting the battery power motor do most of the work, the blonde stuck to short, rapid pumps minding the transfer. Her wife was like a beautiful savage animal thrashing about, being fucked through she didn’t even know how many orgasms, stopping when she could hear her breath turn raw.

The shine of spit from plush lips, drew her attention, so she wiped it clean, leaving the dildo to be pushed out slightly.

Zareen was checking the binds to make sure there wasn’t any trauma when she was taken from her thoughts.

“Ride me.”

“Huh?”

Nothing looked amiss.

“I want to eat you while you fuck me hard.”

“Woah, there baby girl! You’re usually too tired to think after that. Plus I’d need to untie your arms. Are you really sure?”

“You don’t need to untie my arms!”

“Yes, I do. I wouldn’t be able to watch you well, and you couldn’t signal. It breaks the first rule of bondage. Communication.”

“Oh fuck the rules! Fuck you! And fuck me! Sit on my face and dick me like a linebacker!” 

“Tsk, tsk,” Zareen shook her head. “Where did you learn such things?”

“Do it! Please! I’ll owe you!”

“Yes! Costumes! Okay, but you need something yell into my vagina.”

“Yes! Yes! Come on!”

It was awkward. In getting the rabbit in a position for smooth penetration left her high, and her ass barely near her wife’s face, but she was relieved for that.

Zandra lapped and sucked on the wet folds, like it was her favorite fruit, while Zareen focused on not stabbing something  sensitive. 

Not that the lawyer was having in of it, and demanded more force, more speed, more everything!

“Damn it, Zands! My wrist!” Still she kept going until she was screamed at to stop. Afterwards her Zandy was a sticky, sated puddle that can to be untied from the bed, legs freed, and wiped down. She was stopped when she went to undo the intricate woven art.

“I wanna wear it a while longer. It’d be such a shame.”

“Fine,” she moved the toys to the bathroom to be cleaned. “So long as you don’t fall asleep in it.”

Zandra arched off the bed, stretching and running her hands over the sides of her body.

“But we’re so pretty in it.”

“Taking the queen’s “we” are we?” 

Taking the cue that tonight was a pajama-less party, Zareen climbed into bed, and tried to wrangle her wife under the covers with her.

“Baby’s first rope outfit. Even though she’s barely covered.” She rolled into Zareen’s arms and kissed her cheek. “Mommy did a good job protecting her baby.”

“Decided you’re having a girl?”

“What else could it be with two mommies?”

“I’ll remind you my contribution was in the form of a penis, and those come with both.”

“I don’t think it counts if I didn’t have to see it.”

“I saw it. It was healthy.”

“Why did you look at your brother’s privates?”

“I wanted to double check to make sure there weren’t any signs of infection! Other people get to look at the penis that helps create their kid!”

“I can’t decided what kind of idiot you are.”

“A Yours kind.”

“Did you finish?”

“Are you completely happy?”

“Give me ten minutes and I’ll blow you.”

_ The next morning… _

“Zareen!”

The doctor was finishing her wife’s plain oatmeal.

“What is it turtle love?”

“I have to be in the office in half an hour and I’m tied up like a pinata!”

“I told you not to fall asleep in it. Frankly, I don’t know how anyone sleeps with my bare ass up for the taking.” Setting her project she went to help. After all, she had plenty of free time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who ordered the rope bondage?! Was you? You? Oh! There you are. Yeah, you've been waiting for it for a while. And now you have it. Kit got to touch boobs. It was a fair trade. They're acting like a bunch of kids since they're trying to make up for not having a childhood together, although wit all the changes, they've slowed down.


	20. Pumpkins and Relish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ladies have an important date!

“But I don’t want to go to work! I want to stay home and think about you all day!”

“You mean watch Dr. Phil. Hon-uh,” the brunette coughed, “Kit, you’re going to feel a lot better getting out.”

“I feel fantastic already! I go to work, I’m surrounded by wieners and I don’t get sick of it like  _ some  _ people.”

“That’s because those come with relish.”

“I could cum with relish. Let’s pick out a flavor together.” The tall blond pulled his husband to the various condiments.

“I’m not putting vinegar anywhere my shoe horn!”

“There’s no vinegar in it. It’s brine!”

“Isn’t there vinegar in brine?”

“How would I know? I don’t make it.”

“Cider vinegar and salt. It’s only cheaper to make your own if you grow own cucumbers. Which you should. They’re easier to grow than dirt,” Offered a very muscular man carrying an antsy toddler. 

“Good to know. It’ll never work. I kill everything I try to grow. Even cucumbers,” answered Marley.

“Unless it’s in the bedroom. He’ll grown mine every time,” smugly corrected Kit, still studying the relishes. 

“Kit! Please forgive him. We took him to the doctor but they couldn’t find anything wrong with his brain. So we think it’s his mouth.”

“I don’t remember you complaining about it the other night.”

The man just laughed. “Oh it’s fine! He reminds me of sister. Well, sister-in-law, but I think of her like my sister. I’m glad she’s warming up to me. We didn’t have a lot of time to bond before the wedding. It was a short engagement and my wife was pregnant with this one at the time.”

“I’m the king of the moun-man! You haf to do what I say! Right, daddy?”

“Not everyone lives on the mountain, sweetie.”

Now this got Kit’s attention. Leaving the relishes, he looked closer at the man and his charge. Then leaned into his husband and whispered, “Their eyes are amazing! Let’s get them!”

“I’ve already got a sister-in-law, a mother-in-law, and a weird family secretary. I thought when we got married I wouldn’t have to worry about any of this family B.S. Anymore long lost relatives of yours and I’m moving to Canada!”

The woman with the cart called back, “Apa, I’m going to the bath section!”

“Right behind you!” Turning to Marley, “Hey, the bigger the family the more free babysitters. Although, I understand. I’ve got two sisters, one’s working on a third I think. Not really sure what’s going on with her. And I found out I have a new brother with that new sister. It’s been a crazy year. But, more to love. I should organize a picnic or something. 

“The family is getting so big. My wife and I are expecting twins, and my oldest sister is preparing for her first child. Family is such a blessing!

“Best to both of you with your, uh, relish situation. Come on, baby, we have to help mommy.”

“Is mommy gonna get the Lucky Charms?”

“Only if you stay with the cart.”

Kit turned to the man pinching the bridge of his nose.

“They’re cute. Did you pick a relish yet?”

******

Zandra had been staring at the closet for a while. Zareen came out of the bathroom to find her just as undressed as she left her.

“Problem?”

“I can’t stand pants.”

“So don’t wear them?”

“I always wear pants.”

“You don’t have to?”

“I don’t have anything else to wear.”

“So wear pants?”

“They’re tight! I sit down and my panty line shows! And no-!” she stopped her wife’s mouth in mid remark with a raised finger, “I’m not going commando!”

“Pft! Polyester pants are bad for your hootchie anyway,” arms crossed she looked for shoes. “You can borrow a skirt, or there might be a dress somewhere in there.

“I know! Wear your wedding dress!”

“I’m not a ghoul like Morticia Addams. They’d send me away.”

“Babe, I promise I’ll only sign that paperwork when you’re about to run into traffic.” Fishing out a wrinkled pencil skirt she held it up.

“No, it’s too feminine.”

“It a rectangle of black fabric.”

“It’ll emphasis my figure.”

“O M G, the woman having the baby has a vagina! Quick! Check to see if water is still wet!”

“Shut up!” A decorative pillow flew in the direction of Zareen’s face dripping with sarcasm.

“Look, you’re going to have to make peace with the skirt. Your waist is going to balloon out; pants just don’t work unless you want to look like a clown.”

Zandra crossed her arms and fell backwards in quiet contemplation. Various nondescript garment from her wife’s side of closet were laid in a halo around her.

“Fine! Give me your lazy skirt!”

“The maxi? Oh, you need heels with that, walking could be tricky.”  

An hour later it hardly mattered that Zandra had twisted her ankle twice in the strapy kitten heels, or tripped herself when the voluminous skirt wrapped around her legs. She was holding her wife’s hand as a probe ran through the warm lube on her still flat stomach. She watched the grainy screen with laser intensity. From the flat gray emerged an inky blob that would fluctuate. Then a thin oval.

“There’s the little fellow!” exclaimed the doctor.

“My baby?” Zandra’s heart only pounded this hard when she was about to get the results of her bar exam.

“Yup, see Zands? That’s the skull,” pointed her wife.

“Head,” the lawyer corrected.

The doctor drew some lines on the oval, marking it.

“On the small side, so we’ll need to push your due date back.”

“Is it a boy or a girl?” Zandra looked up at the blonde.

“All I see is ass. Doctor?”

“Yup, he or she is playing shy. All I can say is they have Zareen’s sweet cheeks.”

“Both of them?”

“Yup.”

“Wait,” the brunette looked back and forth at the two doctors, “what does that mean? On the small side? We know exactly when she was conceived. Reenie, you were there.”

“Yes, but it’s more of an estimate. The human body isn’t a crock pot. When the baby is ready, it’s ready.”

“Okay, alright.” Her wife’s thumb soothing the back of her hand help stump down her panic.

The doctor finished his observation and asked questioned about her exercise, diet, work, hobbies. It seemed standard, and ease Zandra’s nerves, but her wife kept a steady caress on her hand.

“Alright, kids. Everything is looking alright. Sounds like you’re going everything by the book. I am going to suggest you watch your sodium intake because you’re borderline high blood pressure. So-”

“What does that mean?!” She nearly crushed her wife’s fingers.

“Oops, there it goes again!” Observed the doctor.

“Eyup, walking anxiety attack waiting to happen, this one. I saw that and knew I had to get a piece of it. Zandy? My hand.”

“Sandy, you’re still in the healthy range for blood pressure, but because this is your first pregnancy and you are older so you’re a more risk for gestational hypertension, which,” raising his hand he tried to cease the next wave of panic, “isn’t a bad thing. Many women develop it, and have healthy babies and their blood pressure returns to normal soon after delivery.

“So take it easy mama. You’re in good hands. You’re not doing this alone.”

Zareen was oddly silent for the rest of the appointment, and getting back to the car. The expecting woman was a whirlpool of mindless joy and worry, it bubbled out her mouth as streams of disjointed consciousness. 

At some point she was talking about terrorist groups and watermelon in the same sentence.

“Because the rind-”

“Hey, Zandy?”

“Y-yes?”

“First, congratulations. We have a baby.”

Zandra couldn’t help the smile that spread over her face.

“Yeah, we have a baby.” She held the little bump near her groin.

“I feel,” that was the beginning of those statements the therapist gave them, “that, since you can’t take your happy pills, it might benefit you and the baby if you went back to therapy.”

“Therapy.”

“I’ll still go to couples counseling, but maybe you going to your own sessions would help you with stress and anxiety. Maybe if we can get the anxiety under control it would help with your blood pressure.”

“I thought the blood pressure wasn’t that bad.”

“And it’s not,” Zandra assured, “I’m just getting one of my feelings.”

The lawyer straightened up in her seat.

“About?”

“Look, I’ve got couple of different feelings. You develop them over time. First one I got was knowing when Pearl was going to burst in my room when I was masturbating. One of them I’m working on, is how pregnancies go. And the other is for you. 

“I think it would be more stressful if you weren’t able to go to work. I mean, you made me promise to drive you to court for closing statements if you were having a heart attack. So I want to help you stay working as long as possible, but you got to stop jumping at every little thing.”

The brunette cleaned her glasses with her shirt.

“If I could control it, I would have years ago. My anxiety is just part of me. But I see your point. It’s not like therapy would hurt.”

Some tension seemed to leave Zandra’s shoulders.

“Okay, good.”

“Good.”

They were nearly home now.

“I want watermelon,” announced Zandra.

“I think there was a smoothie place couple miles back that had some. Must be an early crop,” her wife mused over the turn signal.

“I want it now.”

“Now?”

“Now!”

“It’s so out of our way!”

“I knew you didn’t love us!”

“Oh geez! Fine! We’ll get your stupid watermelon! Anything else?”

“Just pumpkin.”

“Like pumpkin pie?”

“No, raw.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I beat you Peridot shippers to the punch.


	21. A Gem by the Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People naked at that mall!

“Nice Skirt, Mutra. Not that it hides anything. Congratulations, you either have that baby you wanted or you’re eating yourself to death.”

_ Stupid sexy Bob! _

Zandra was finishing going over some details with her assistant intern.

Said intern gasped long and loud, smacking her rosy chipmunk cheeks, her indigo eyes wide.

“You’re pregnant Ms. Mutra-Diamond!?”

“Yes. I was trying to figure out how to tell the office. But I’m not good with this sort of thing.”

The compact lady leapt to her feet and guided the attorney to the chair she had just occupied.   

“You shouldn’t worry about that! Let me take care of it! Not only do you have to use your amazing wit to crack these cases and defend people against that snake,” she shot a glare at the balding man who consistently had his fists in his baggy pants, “but now you’re going to share your gift with the world in the form of a baby!”

The curly haired woman started sobbing.

“You-so-brave!”

“Da-Da, calm down! It’s fine. I’m fine. It’s been over four months already.”

“Da-Da?” What kind of hippie name is that?”

Da-Da abruptly ceased, faced him and said in a chipper voice, “My mom was addicted to bath salts when she had me so she named me Diet Soda.”

Bob starred.

Da-Da smiled.

Zandra had heartburn and a hard on that wouldn’t quit.

“Okay… I’m just gonna go now,” Bob moved slowly towards the door, minding not to make any sudden movements.

The lawyer rubbed her chest trying to ease the discomfort while making some notes on the case.

“Oh, Ms. Mutra-Diamond! I can’t believe you’ve been with child this whole time! Does it hurt? Do you need water? Coffee? Vodka? I know where to get some stuff. Not that you would  _ ever  _ do anything legal, but I would never judge you! Whatever you need I can get it for you so you-”

“Da-Da!”

This train had to be pulled back.

“Yes, Ms. Mutra-Diamond?”

“Let’s finish going over the notes for the Lasley case.”

“Okay.” Her butt got got halfway to the chair. “You need water!” Blotting, the stout woman nearly knocked over her chair as she sprinted out the door.

“I need-” All of her clothes were tight. It wasn’t calming like bondage in the least. Her laptop only had two hours left and there was twenty pages of handwritten notes to be entered, but Da-Da was supposed to do that while she finished mapping them and looking for that solid pin that would unravel the prosecutor's case. “Innocent until proven guilty, my ass.”

Tapping her pen a few times, she picked up her phone and sent a text.

****

“They’re all ugly.”

“They’re all functional.”

“Reenie,” Standing out of the dressing room she held out the five extra inches of stretchy waist built into the pants, “I now know how someone can smuggle a chainsaw in here.”

“More like a watermelon, right now your uterus is the size of a cantaloupe. And your oranges are bigger,” she winked. “Here,” she toss some bras at her wife, who caught them and whipped them behind her back out of sight, “try those on. Lovely as seeing your brimming tea cups they can’t be comfortable. Try a C.”

“I hate you.” She went back into the small room. 

“I’ll have you know, madame, that I was personally invited to this date.” The doctor rocked on her heels, then leaned on the wall, cradling her head in her hands.

“It’s not a date. It’s an outing.”

“We’re at the mall, and you’re naked. Date.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Do you plan this motherfucker?!”

“It’s a thing of beauty. But watch the swears, teddy bear. Public, not pubic.”

“ _ Every time!” _

“I see an opening, my mouth goes to work.” 

“I’m inviting your mother to dinner!”

“Aw! That’s dirty! I don’t bring your mom into stuff!

“Shut up! I can’t figure this thing out!”

“Moms are like bombs, and I want to give mine to Tibet, so-”

“Not that! Get in here!” The door cracked open a hair. 

“Oh, I don’t know. Might see something I’m not supposed to,” she smirked pushing off the wall and squeezing into the stall.

“The band’s too tight but the bust is too big, and there’s this weird-”

“Turn around.”

Facing the mirror, Zandra huffed as her wife slid her fingers under the band of bra, testing the tension, then the straps. 

“Hmm.”

“Well?”

“Could be better.

“What about-?”

“Oh, that!”

Zandra didn’t like that smile. Or the hand with the aqua jeweled gold band fitted with a silver band with a canary stone that crept over her shoulder. Her flinch must have been more visible than she thought the blonde chuckled. 

“It’s okay. I just want to show you something.”

With a snap of her fingers the front panel of fabric was removed exposing her swollen and sore breast.

“See? It’s a nursing bra.”

“I’m not lactating yet.”

“No, but we can still have fun with it!” Wrapping her arms around Zandra’s bare and bulging waist. “Makes those late nights at the office more comfortable.” She kissed a rosy cheek. “I’ll get one, if it makes you feel better.”

“How is it I’m the simmering pot of hormones but I still manage to talk about sex less?” 

“Hm, don’t know. But you think about it way more than me.” Releasing her prey, she gathered the rejected garments to cut down on the clutter. 

“You’re horrible.”

“I know. I know. It’s too big for you.”

“Won’t I grow into it?”

“Probably not. All the stretch marks are just annoying. I’ll get you something else.”

“Just a few. I won’t be wearing them long.”

But the doctor was sorting.

“Reenie? Did you hear me?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

It didn’t take much longer until the lawyer had a skimpy, but workable, wardrobe. Halfway to the check out something in the back caught Zandra’s eye. She stopped, bowed her head, and held the hem of Zareen’s shirt so it tugged as she walked and stopped her.

“Or salads with-huh? Something wrong?”

A limp hand pointed back.

“Oh it’s cute! I’ll go get it. Hold these?”

The clothes were passed into her arms, and the blonde went to the seldom visited, but oft admired, section.

After dinner in the food court (Zandra smelled something, got a craving and they had to eat) they took the scenic route home along the boardwalk. 

The sun was bouncing on the water, and it was making Zandra sick, so she ordered a pull over to hurl into a trash can.

“I told you that Chinese couldn’t be trusted,” The doctor rubbed circles into her back.

“Shut the hell up or I’ll shut you up!”

“Come on, Zands. The sun is setting. Maybe the breeze will help.” 

The lawyer took a swig with her water bottle, cleaned her mouth, and agreed. Taking off her shoes she walked in the surf, stepping in time with the woman by her side. Both longed to hold the other, but there were too many people. It was the silent understanding that Zandra would feel uncomfortable broadcasting their relationship.

The salt, and fish on the air settled her stomach and nerves. Being on the beach always did. Water blanketed the sand smoothing out the marks, a reminder that life was fleeting, mistakes easily forgiven. Waves breaking on time bowed stones sounded like the very breath of the world around them, a normally dead thing, but now has lived long before their birth and will continue long after the child they were growing had turned to dust, and all that remains is the love they nurtured.

“I love the sea.”

“More of a beach person, myself. Feeling better?”

“A bit. This looks familiar.”

“Mmm, I think a seagull stole my hotdog somewhere around here.”

“Hm, no,” She snuck her pinky around her wife’s.

“Why Mrs. Mutra-Diamond! I do believe you’re being fresh with me!”

Hiding her giggle with the side of her hand, Zandra turned toward water. “Maybe. You got a problem with that?”

“I’ll have you know I am a married woman! What would my wife say?!”

“I think you should invite her next time.”

“What?! You, me,  _ and _ my wife?! I don’t know if I can handle all that.”

“Hm,” Beaming, she stopped and held both Zandra’s hands, “I don’t know if I’m going to hang around then. After all, I have a baby now.”

“So you, me, my wife, and my baby! Dear, oh dear. I’m going to need some inspiration.”

The sun was gone, the beach was nearly empty, and the sand was stained with the pond of colored lights from the street above.

“The sea under your feet, the stars overhead and you’re not inspired? They are the very eternal forces of nature that moved nations.”

“Are they? I didn’t notice. I was lost in your smile.”

“Shut up,” Zandra whispered.

“Make me.”

So she did. Sealing her lips with her own. A deep satisfying emerging of minds. 

In a deeply loving voice Zareen whispered. “You taste like food court vomit.”

“Sorry.” She rubbed her bulge, and jumped.

“Better a barf kiss than no kiss. You okay, mermaid?”

“Um, I really need to pee, and-Ah!” Her eyes went wide, and grabbed Zareen’s hand, pressing it on her swell. “Reenie! Feel!”

“What? Gas?”

“No, you idiot!” A round end jabbed Zareen’s hand through the fabric. It was her turn for her eyes to grow with disbelief. It happened again, and again. 

“It’s kicking!”

“She’s kicking!” Tears spilled from aqua eyes.

Zandra fell to her knees, and placed her ear to the little spot.

“Our baby is kicking! Hi, there! I’m your dom!”

“Babe, you can’t be her dom if you’re mine.”

“Don’t be selfish.” She rubbed the swollen belly. “I can be shared.” A bump got her square in the jaw. “It kicked me! Right in the face. Our baby kicked me in the face.”

Zandra was brimming with joy. “Good. You deserve it. Maybe the baby will have my good sense.”

“And you’re taste in women?” The blonde had every look in the world that she was going to stay down there, and couldn’t care less about her soaking pants.

“No one’s perfect. Can we continue this later? I  _ need  _ to go.”

Pouting, she gave the bump a peck and stood. 

“Fine, but I’m reading a book to the baby when we get home. Where’s the fairy tale book?” Zareen asked as she helped her wife up the beach.

“That’s an erotia book.”

“No, it’s not! It’s a book for lesbians!”

“Oh, do what you want. You can hurt her yet.”

“It’s going to know my voice as well as your impassioned breath.”

“She won’t remember.”

They finished climbing over a bank, and put on their shoes.

“Reenie! It’s Tina’s!”

On the corner was an upscale Greek restaurant still open.

“Oh yeah! Now I remember! This is where I popped the question!”

“You beat me! I had the whole thing planned, even booked that private room.”

“Yeah, well. I thought of it first. I had that ring burning a hole in my pocket for, like a month. Kept choking. I was really hoping to only need to do it the one time.”

“Now I want a gyro.” Her bladder was kicked. “So does the baby!” Pulling her wife she ran for the restaurant. 

Meanwhile something twinkling lay waiting in their shopping bags still in the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meet Sodalite, an OC I stole from Deltamimi. You'll see her again. I like the character. Baby likes the ocean. And yes, they went home and Reenie read from that stupid book to Zandy's belly.


	22. Bothsexual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anyone remember Maj? He is best pony. And if you don't check him out in Roommates. It's like OB but with more yelling.

It was hotter than a banana hammock on the scorching beaches of Chile. His feet were swelling in his faux leather shoes and his armpits were weeping in his mustard yellow uniform. His mango protein smoothie wasn't as refreshing as he had hoped it would be.

A mob of people moved in through the door. Rounded woman and their partners.

_ Oh great,  _ he thought to himself with dismay,  _ the Mommy and Me class got out. Go ahead and rub your babies in my poor-ass face. Maybe I can talk Mars into fostering. That way we can keep the babies at the peak of cuteness and never have to worry about them running away with the Gay Mafia. _

_ Oh, hello! _

"Get me a PBC with strawberries and kiwis."

"Um, okay. What should I get in case you realize the error of your ways?"

"I'm going to puke up anything, so just get what I want."

"You got it, poppet!"

She must not have noticed him as she sat in the booth behind him. Always one for a dramatic entrance, he decided two was better than one and stayed low waiting for the perfect opportunity. But things didn't go the way he thought.

Zandra wasn't waiting long, when a man's voice called out in surprise and joined her at the table. It sounded like he was one of Zareen's friends as he didn't really ask any follow up questions about her own life.

Zareen was equally amazed to see the man.

"She was like this when I got here, man! I swear I didn't do anything!" Oy, he sounded like every brain damaged quarterback Kit had ever met.

"Oh I know. I did it."

"What? But you're both chicks. Chicks can't get chicks knocked up."

"I'm chick, she's a chick. That's my baby in there. Unless Zandy was cheating on me. Did you cheat, baby?"

"I don't even cheat on our taxes."

"See?"

"I'm so confused about where babies come from now.

"Okay, so I gotta tell you something! You know how you’re, like, porn chicks but without the cameras?"

"Yes."

"I am not a "porn chick!"

"They have guy versions! Dudes, that do dude stuff with dudes!"

Kit slid in next to his sister, mouth gasping wide, and a fist on his chin.

"No!"

"Ye-Yeah! Who are you?"

"He's my long lost twin brother, Kit."

"Nice to meet me." He shook the newcomer's hand. "Now do go on! I never imagined when I married my husband that men would be doing "dude stuff" with other men!"

"Um, yeah. I'm Maj by the way. Za-Za's friend.

"Okay, so like chicks dig chicks, and dudes dig dudes, and some people like both! They like boobs and butts!"

"No!" Zareen gasped. "How can that be?!"

"Yeah, I'm one of them!" Maj gestured to himself. "That's why I like my mom's boobs and my dad's butt! I'm bothsexual!"

"You're kidding!" Kit teased.

"I'm shocked!"

"It's bi." Zandra was enjoying her smoothie.

"I'm not going anywhere," puzzled Maj.

"I like him. Where did you find him?" Kit asked his sister.

"Neighbor growing up. So, Maj? Does this mean you have to marry a man and a woman?"

"I don't know. I met this guy, Frank, he likes to wear women's clothes, so it's like both."

"Sounds more like pansexual," the lawyer told her drink.

"Hey! Don't discrimenate against bothsexuals! We don't do pans! I don't even know how to do the dishes."

"He's so cute! Can we share?" Kit turned to Zareen again.

"Sure, better ask that husband of yours first though."

" 'k. Zandy! Can I keep him?"

"Why the hell are you asking me?"

"Marley said if I couldn't get in touch with me I had to listen to you. Apparently, your my God husband or something."

"Why me? You have a sister!"

"Marley said, "Whatever you do, don't listen to that wild sister of your because I don't want to wake up from a coma and see how the two of you have redecorated the hospital room with romance pictures."

"See? I hear him. But sometimes it's the things he doesn't say that are more important."

"I could use the scrap book pictures!" Zareen realized with awe.

"No!"

"Fight both oppression!" Maj felt left out.

"If you can't fight the power use your safety," intoned Kit.

"When was the last time you used your safety, baby?"

"Huh? I want sardines. Do you think they have any?"

"No."

"Wait," Maj was having a thought, "So where did the baby come from?"

"Heaven," sniped Zandra.

"It's my baby. I did the deed!" Zandra wrapped an arm around her wife who was hunched over her treat.

"I helped! I wanted to watch, but they wouldn't let me."

"But, if you're both chicks. How did she get pregnant and you didn't."

"I wore protection the whole time."

"So did Marley," chuckled Kit.

"Who's Marley?"

"My love bug. I have pictures!" A series of hastily taken pictures were shoved into Maj's face.

"So, I still don't know how this equals baby. It's not like three people can do the deed together at once."

"I could show you," winked Kit. An alert sounded on his phone interrupting the slideshow of palms. "Aw, shoot. Duty calls. But before I go, Zandy? Zandy, Zandy, Zandy? May I-?"

"You want to rub my stomach, don't you?"

"Please?"

"Why does everyone want to rub me? Fine, wouldn't have the kid if you didn't lend a hand." She needed some help getting out.

"I didn't use my hand," informed Kit.

"What? You know, I don't want to know. Say hi to Mary."

"Logan," corrected Zareen.

"Or Pearl."

"We're never naming our child after Pearl."

"It means wisdom." Kit was gentle rubbing the top of her belly.

"It so big! I'm going to be a daddy and an uncle!"

"I am so confused!" Maj's brain was hitting critical mass. The doctor patted his hand.

"You're not confused. You're bi."

"Don't tell me what I am! I need a beer, and a manicure! Za-Za you're great. Sandy. Gay baby. And nice meeting you Brother-Uncle, but I need to study really hard about all of this. So bi-bi, to you all." Cradling his head he shuffled off.

"What I nice fellow. Wonder if he's had his dick sucked," mused Kit.

"Yeah, he had a cheerleader girlfriend in high school. You'd think he discovered coke or something."

A second alert went off on Kit’s phone.

“Damn, weiners call. I’ve got to go. Bye, sis.” He kissed Zareen’s cheek. “Bye, sis.” He waved at the women and was halfway across the parking lot when he heard his voice. It was his sister chasing after him.

“Kit! Two seconds!”

“Uh, okay. I don’t like this job, but I need it; sex toys are poor investments.”

“Hear you there. Look. Mother, as in mine, and Pearl are throwing a garden party. Knowing Pearl, it’s probably some weird Jewish baby announcement or something over the top and stupid, but they asked if you and Marley wanted to come. They weren’t sure if it would be alright to send the two of you an invitation.”

“Oh wow,” he wasn’t sure what to say, or how to feel. Still, all the best and worst things he had found in life came when he stayed open to new things. “Sure. I don’t know how to dress or behave at a-”

“Suit,” Zareen cut him off. “If you want to impress those harpies, put on your best suit and act like a hard working millionaire. The “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” kind, as Mother was fond of reminding me. When she bother to speak to me.”

“You make her sound awful. Like that book and pad thing?”

“Yeah, I’ve convince myself adopting a kid was Pearl’s idea. She only one that could be bother with the whole, raising one, thing.”

“Look, text me some pointers as you think of them.”

“I don’t think about your husband’s dick.”

“Noice.” They high-fived to being horny and in love. “Seriously, though. It’s going to be like introducing Zandy all over again.”

“No. They like Zandy. Pearl was thrilled; once she got over the whole lesbian thing. You’d think she would have figured it out by now. All those sleepovers I had.”

“I hear it’s easy to ignore things when you have a big nose.”

“Huh, I’ll have to think about that.” 

Now they both had more things to mull over, and parted ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Maj! I shall drink your tears of joy, cause y'all know I'm salty. ;) In this version he's a next door neighbor for Reenie.  
> Such a nice, funny chapter. Such nice, happy people....


	23. Storks and Umbrellas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saturday Surprises!

The dashboard had to be braced over her round middle as the tires fell into a dipped, copper mud spraying over the hood, and her side of the window.

“Couldn’t she had done this indoors? Or not at all? Sophie still has a shower to plan; I’m going to hit my limit for socializing.” Birch branks smack the roof and sides of the car like it owed it an update. 

“She does what she thinks is the biggest, showy thing she can penny pinch her way through. If something remotely good happens she wants everyone to see it so she can hint how she’s responsible for it. Plus, I still think she’s trying to demonstrate her wife skills to Mother.”

That oatmeal, and tea also wanted to see what was causing the turbulence. 

“After-after all these decades, you’d think she’d give up and move on.”

Pebbles peppered the undercarriage. 

“Bitch with a boner. Doesn’t know what to do.”

The road opened up and the trees cleared. A parking lot of sorts came into view. There were many cars in the same beat up condition as their own. 

“I’m nauseous and it’s hot and humid. I might kill her.”

“Still against the law, babe.” They parked in a spot reserved just for them, distinguished with streamers and balloons in various pastel shades. “I check every couple of years.”

Zandra winced as the seatbelt rubbed over her sore breasts. 

“Remind me not to make you mad.” Rocking in her seat she tried to get out of the bucket seat without adding more pressure to her already pressured bladder. Her wife rushed around the car to help her. “Where’s the-?”

“I’ll show you. I’ll even help if I can avoid-”

“Zareen! Zandra! Bubbelehs!”

Instinctively, the blonde tried to get back in the car.

“Come! Come! Zandra, there’s a guest bathroom just to the left of the china hutch and I have some iced ginger tea. I had the holes filled with gravel, but that darn rain washed half of it away.” Pearl engulfed the heavily pregnant woman and shuffled her inside. The returned daughter briefly thought she had been forgotten and considered visiting the liquor cabinet, but her wife would never forgive her. 

“It’s just a few hours. Gird your tits, and put a smile on.”

Joining her other half they were rushed into the back yard where a crowd greeted them with “Baby shower!” A stout woman in octagonal blue lenses rush forward, in tears flowing from her eyes as she embraced Zandra.

Zareen stepped closer and swept her arm over the assembled mass of office workers, friends, and family, thanking them for their attendance and the no doubt generous gifts. Her wife smiled and nodded awkwardly. 

Soon they were mobbed by well wishers.

“Isn’t it so beautiful?” Kit wiped an invisible tear from his eye.

“It is touching,” Marley was working on the cupcakes. “Wonder why media always focuses on the wedding part. This seems more important. Look at them. It’s like it’s their baby being born.

“Oh dear, Zandra looks so uncomfortable.”

“There are actual storks. I’ve never known anyone to rent real storks. What kind of people are these?” he pointedly asked, regarding the fabric draped from the trees.

“I don’t know,” he noticed his husband wiping his palms over his best suit, “but you have a decent life without them, so there’s nothing to lose. It’s not like they’re your actual birth parents. Just an eccentric old lady and her… friend.”  

“You’re right. But I like Reenie, and Zandy, so I want to like their family.”

“I’ll be the first to tell you that just because they’re family doesn’t make them worthy of esteem,” droned a dry voice from behind, Marley half choked on his sweet treat.

Turning they were met by a statuesque woman with sandy blonde hair that was more white at the roots and styled cropped and high. Her eyes were a baby blue that may have faded to the gray side of the scale over time, and were framed by wrinkles that make up couldn’t hide. No smile greeted them, but the black pantsuit she wore gave the impression that the expression would have looked wrong.

“H-he-,” Marley attempted, raising a hand.

“I know who you are.” She scrutinized the hand. “You look so much like my daughter it’s uncanny,” she addressed Kit. “You may both call me Ms. Diamond, for now.

The brunette was desperate for his husband to do something. Anything! It was like he was frozen.

“No, Mr. Diamonds around?” Oh, he could sink into the ground. Why did he have two cupcakes?

“No,” she measured. “And I don’t like to discuss my love life.”

“Uh, nice-nice storks.”

“Pearl’s idea. You’ll have to meet her once she’s done fussing over my grandchild. I suppose I have the two of you to thank for that. I can’t express how much it means to us.”

_ That is not a face of joy,  _ Marley thought,  _ That’s the face of boredom.  _ He was sweating.

Kit’s brain came back online. He swept a bow to his hostess. “Kit Zirkon’s the name, and this is the lovely Mr. Marley Zirkon. Enchanted to make your acquaintance Ms. Diamond. And may I say it’s an honor to be invited to this charming garden party. The decor comes together exquisitely!”

“Yes, Pearl’s doing.”

“Of course! You need a sharp eye at home, since you’re busy facing the fires at work everyday. After all,  _ none _ of this could be without your dedication, and tenacity. It’s so hard these days to find someone who truly understands the mountumently sacrifice and hard work it takes to make something of yourself in this world.” 

That was the Ole’ Kit charm.  _ Those twinkling eyes and that charm is how he got into my pants. After a year. _

“Young man, you have a silver tongue, and a hundred dollar suit. But, you know how to wear it and you can plate silver with gold.

“Gold is the softest metal. Silver is strong and lasts,” muttered a young woman who had snuck up behind them. The combination of clashing colors made her look like a rainbow going through a goth phase.

“Ah! Sophie,” Ms. Diamond sounded anything up pleased, “ Since you and Pearl took the lead, I’d thought you’d be fawning over your sister.”

Sophie stared at her with contempt. 

“I only agreed to this so I wouldn’t have to do any work. Who the hell thought my lesbian sister would manage to have a baby?”

“I thought the same way for a while,” agreed the matriarch. “What do you gentlemen do for a living?”

“Marley, here, is a counselor for the retained. And I am exploring various aspects of the food industry to get a better understanding of the elements that directly affect the consumer’s experience.”

“You’re a burger flipper,” she raised an eyebrow. 

Sophie decided to watch while smearing a cupcake over her face.

“Hot dogs, actually. Waiting for some people to realize the error in their mistakes.”

Marley chimed in, “It’s a rough economy.”

Those faded eyes still had a razor’s edge that had him turning away.

“No one can control the economy, but everyone has control over how they respond. My father worked during the depression and I never heard him complain about the economy.”

“You’re totally right!” Kit agreed. “A low economy means lower prices on investments.”

The party continued with sandwiches, finger food, and party games. The expecting couple never had a moment’s rest, even after disappointing everyone with the report that the baby was still to shy so share its sex. 

Alice, being almost full term with twins, couldn’t stand the sun and fun any longer, and had her husband send their apolgies as they ducked out early.

Zandra was eating her fill, finally done trying to be polite about it. It was only a matter of time before she was ill again, but she was called over to the gifts table. Sitting in a cusions seat provided for her, she winced, and rubbed the underside of her round belly.

“You okay, Zands? You’re eating quite a bit.”

“Yeah, yeah,” as she eased herself down. “Just some gas, or cramps. Aren’t these bows just precious?”

The doctor’s smile fell.

“Say, Zandy? When was the last time you felt the baby kick?”

The mother-to-be was turning a box over in her hands looking for a seam, “Oh, some time during that rough ride. Guess she got tired of being jostled and went to sleep.”

“Hey!” Zareen reached over to take the half open gift from her wife, “Do me a solid, and visit the powder room?”

“Reenie! What’s the matter?”

“Don’t know. Just go and check on things. You want me to go with you?”

Zandra’s mother stepped closer.

“Everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Zandra braced herself against the arms of the chair. “I’m just gonna freshen up.”

“Here,” taking her daughter’s arm, they returned indoors while Zareen dealt with the guest. Like the ringleader she entertained the crowd with jokes, questions, and stories. 

The party had just noticed Sophie(from the office) and Ruby had disappeared, when Mrs. Mutra returned. She whispered something to the show-woman, who nodded, turned, and clapped to address the crowd.

“Ladies, gentlemen, and ladies again, thank you so much for generously spending your Saturday with us, and the mountain of presents. Hopefully, you’re plagued with babies, as I can’t think of another use for that rattle printed wrapping paper,” she paused for chuckles, “however, I’m afraid Pearl will have to gather them up, for my wife and I are going to have an unplanned hospital visit.”

A bolt of confusion and worry went through everyone. Well, almost everyone.

“Shit,” swore Sophie, “Now I have do baby stuff. Stupid Pearl.” She sulked away from group she had been observing.

“Probably nothing, but why take the chance? So, thank you again. It’s been lovely. Please, stay and enjoy. After all it’s not like I need the leftovers. I’ll see half of you Monday morning!”

Without answering questions she flew to her wife’s shaking side, and ushered her back to the car.

“Wow, oh wow!” Kit was as stunned as anyone. “I hope everything is okay.” A comforting hand rubbed his arm.

“She’s a doctor, Kit. They have the best chance of anyone.”

Ms. Diamond seemed to sigh with her shoulders. “I’ll have to control the crowd. I doubt Zandra wants everyone she knows at her cervix right now.” She marched over to Pearl who was having a panic attack.

The festivities quickly faded from the couple’s mind. They had left it all behind the widing unpaved road and highway. Zareen had started pacing in the waiting room and hadn’t stopped since they were both taken back.

“Where’s that damn ultrasound?!”  

“Reenie, why don’t you get me some water? Might help my blood pressure.”

“Huh? Water?” She reached for the pitcher a nurse had brought.

“No, from vending machine. I don’t trust the foam right now. And get yourself some tea.”

“Bottle tea is shit!” Digging through her wife’s purse she came up with some cash. “I’ll be right back.” A quick kiss on the lips, as she was scared shitless, and ran off.

  Zandra practiced her breathing, until a nurse came in.

“Was that your wife I saw running off?”

“Yeah, she’s a doctor. Sorry she’s being so difficult.”

The nurse started taking her vitals.

“Must be y’alls first then. The first child is the hardest.”

“Yeah. I was hoping to give her a playmate, but-”

“It’s way too early to being thinkin’ about that mama. You just focus on feeling better right now. And the bill we’ll send you when that blonde of yours is finished with the tile.”

A tech rolled in a ultrasound machine and started with the normal chit-chat, while Zandra’s purse buzzed anxiously. They were smearing the gel on when her wife returned, dropping the water bottle on the bed, and sitting on the edge of the hard plastic chair, leaning towards the screen. A  doctor soon joined them in time to here the vitals read off, the nurse exiting the crowded space.

All save the on call doctor were tense, and held their breath for the next word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They ran off to the creek. If you're asking where Sophie and Ruby went.  
> Sophie M., is so messed up. I'm starting to like her.


	24. Better Than Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our favorite blondes aren't doing too hot.

“I’m sorry, but this isn’t going to work.”

“May I ask why?”

“Well, frankly, we need people we can rely on. People we can depend on. People that are team players, and show they respect people’s time.”

“Is this because I stayed to clean up? Because I didn’t count it. I felt bad that my car broke down.”

“And I appreciate it. I really do, but it’s not going to work out. I’m sorry.”

The blond wrestled with his emotions before asking, “May I ask why, sir?”

“You’re great with the customers, a fast learner, and always in uniform. But you’ve been late three times in two months.”

“Sir, I explained that my car is in need of repairs and I haven’t had the funds to take care of it. That’s why I’m here.”

“I understand, Kit. Really I do, and if I had it my way we wouldn’t be here. But corporate’s laws are very clear. I’m sorry about this, really.” The manager stood and offered his hand. “Let me know if there’s anything at all you need.”

_ Yeah, a job.  _ Still Kit stood, shook the hand, and tried to keep his head high as he wondered what parking lot his car could take him too, so he could sulk.

***

Candles were waiting when she finally came home loaded down with more vitamin pills. She toed off her shoes and shuffled into the kitchen. 

“There you are,” cooed a voice, “We missed you all day.”

“Yeah. Traffic was bad. I don’t know who gave those mother fuckers a lisence, but if I could I’d cut them up and force feed it to them.” The pills were sorted and jammed into the cabinet. “Any of that sausage thing left?”

“Maybe. I was kinda hoping for a mother fucker myself.”

“Huh?” Zareen closed the fridge, holding the casserole dish. Zandra stood in a lace bikini style bra and panty set, a single bright blue gem clasping the bust together at the bottom. “Oh, it’s that lacy number we picked up a while ago. Boy, you are barely fitting in that thing.” She searched for a plate.

“Yeah, I think I need a little help.” The brunette toyed with the dangling strings at her hips.

The doctor sighed and rubbed her neck. “Did you run out of coco butter?”

“No.”

“Need the dryer emptied?”

“No, I managed.” She crossed her arms while her wife plated her dinner.

“I already changed the humidity filter.”

The mother tapped her bare foot.

“And scrubbed the bathtub, the toilet, the sink,”

The microwave dinged.

“Wiped down the mirror and polished it.”

Zandra rubbed her thighs against each other.

“Organized your shoes so you don’t have to look at them, and replaced your socks with the non-slip kind with aloe since your feet are drying out.” Dinner was taken to the table where some candles where threatening to drip on the table top.

“I got your car inspected, the oil changed, the interior treated and-”

“I’m so horny I’ve soaked through this tissue they call underwear!”

“But did you eat anything? Because I think I forgot to get your ice cream.” Zandra tried to devour her wife. 

Her wife tried to finish talking, “So yes, ice cream?”

“Take me to bed, my dom.” Zandra traced the sharp jaw.

“I can’t finish dinner first?”

Zandra sucked her earlobe away from her neck. “I’ve got feathers and nipple vibrators. The ropes are already in place.”

“Alright.” The doctor threw back her glass of water. “Let’s do this!”

“ “Let’s do this?” “Let’s do this?!” Like I’m a chore?!” Zandra backed off. “God! Why did I even bother?! I knew you weren’t attracted to me anymore!”

“Zandy! That’s not it!” Her temples were pounding again. “I’ve been up fourteen hours, my feet are swollen, my arches are flatter than your ass, my nick hurts, my head is killing me, and-”

“And your wife is a big as a house and as strippd as a watermelon! You don’t think I’m sore?!”

“I know you are! I just-” She cried in frustration. “Look! Forget it! I’m sorry! You’re sorry! Let’s just-!” The doctor took her wife’s shoulders and rubbed them. “Make up?”

Zandra had to wipe the tears from her eyes.

“Okay. I’m being really emotional I know. I napped half the day away, but I’m still tired, and you’ve done so much, but my brain keeps turning around and around- I’m such a mess! I’m a giant, bloated, snotty-” Kisses were raining on her tense shoulders.

“Sweet, giving, smart, sensitive,” continued Zareen.

“So sensitive,” moaned Zandra.

“Enchanting eyes, sharp tongue. I’ve cut myself on it so many times. Come on, let me show you some of my finer qualities.” 

They continued their conversation in the bedroom.

….

_ Later… _

Zareen held her head in her hands, Zandra resting her hand on her shoulder.

“Look, it happens, even to the best of us.”

The blonde said nothing, didn’t move. It was if the words couldn’t reach her.

“We can try tomorrow. Or when ever,” Zandra comforted.

“I’m going to take a bath. Can you change the sheets?”

“Y-yeah.” Zandra’s eyes were round with worry as she watched her partner shuffle to the bathroom, never once looking back.

She felt uniquely awful. It was almost like one day after years of attending the same book club, she showed up and all the old members had been replaced with fresh faces. Brow furled, she performed the now challenging chore of changing the love stained sheets. Her lower back was a burning knot that tightened with each bend, so by the time she finished, she figured a hot bath was the perfect cure.

A knock on the door.

“Honey bee? Got room for two more?”

Water sloshed and lapped at the sides.

“Sure, I’ll just drain it a little.”

Zandra crept around the door, closing it behind her, then carefully stepping into the tub into her wife’s embrace. They stay like that, jasmine scented steam perfuming the air, the drone of a broken fan.

“Is it- Is it me? Are you not attracted to me any-like this?”

A thud against the wall.

“No. It’s different. I mostly look at you and wince in sympathy. It’s less smokin’ hottie, and more, my wife needs help.”

“So, it is me.”

“No. Yes. Ugh! It’s everything!” Her arm went backwards. Probably pinching the bridge of her nose like she always did when she was frustrated. “I just can’t get it out of my head! I try, but there’s just too much stress and worry.”

Zandra understood that. That’s why she had Reenie. Reenie made things better, and turned off her anxious brain.

“We had such a close call, and now-now you’re at home all day by yourself and I’m plagued by all the problems you have having a watermelon strapped to your abdomen, and all the things you’re vulnerable to now. And I know you’re going to go insane here. Even doing remote consulting, you’re losing track of things because your brain has shrunk, and you’re not able to perform  like you normally do, and we both know failure, high expectations, and social isolation trigger your depression, which you already are nearly guaranteed postpartum and-and! I’m sick of it! I’m sick with worry! I’d get anti-depressants, but I don’t have time to schedule anything, and you can’t have them!”

“It’s like the weight of the world,” muttered the brunette into her breast.

“Worse. And I’ve been trying to keep it together, but sometimes I just want to cry, or scream, or something! Anything!”

“Reenie, you don’t have to keep it to yourself. We promised to share the good and the bad.”

“But you’re busy with your own worries, and problems. So why double your troubles?”

“Because it’s not doubling them. I’m not a doctor. I can’t share your anxiety the same way you do. If you tell me, it’ll help both of us. It may burden me, but not as much as it does you. Okay?”

“Alright.” Didn’t sound like she was convinced.

“Thank you for sharing.”

“Thank you for a face-full of ass.”

“Hey! I thought you had no appetite tonight.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t still appreciate. Pass the soap, I’m taking some frustration out on your back.”     

“Fine,” She reached for the lotiony stuff. “So, it sounds like a big part of this is you’re worried about me being home alone?” The middle of her back got a scratch and a grunt.

“So… why don’t I ask my mother to stay over a couple of days?”

“Isn’t she busy?”

“Yeah, but if I give her a week I’ve sure she’ll get things together.”

“A whole week?! I’ll die! We still need to meet with the pediatrician!”

“Five whole days. I’ll be fine.” Her neck was worked over.

“Baths.”

Zandra was warm, cared for, and feeling halfway normal, so she was ready for sleep.

“Hmm, bathes.”

“Yeah, bathes are nice, but you try to get up, the bar snaps, you slip, you’re hurt, the baby is possibly lost, and you can’t get help!”

“God, your fingers! Harder! Um, bathes, I’ll take a phone?”

“Not good enough for my babies!”

“Hm?” Zandra rubbed her belly.

“There’s got to be someone that can be here a few hours this week.”

“How did I get so big?”

“Nerd! I’m trying to help you!”

“I’ll figure something out. I won’t be able to sleep tonight anyway. No position is comfortable, nor do they spare my bladder.”

“I do so hope that means the baby is in position.”

“I hope you don’t feel insulted, but this back rub is better than sex.”

There was a heavy sigh.

“It’s a curse to be this good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I get a wah-wah? Poor Reenie. She's thinking too hard.


	25. My Brother My Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zareen managed to find someone who could watch Zandra during the day. A real shame Zandra's crying over his wiener love.

“...and this is my lovely, smart, talented, caring, wonderful wife with my perfect baby.” Zareen hugged said wife’s shoulders. “I made her a schedule to follow. If anything happens go to the emergency department first, text me second.”

“Reenie, I’m fine.”

“Yes, fine, and sweet, and I don’t have all day to name all the reasons I married you. I just boil it down to your ass. I feel it embodies everything.”

“It’s still a solid seven, even with the little dude.” Kit bent over and waved at the bulge. “Hey little dude, it’s Uncle Kit!” 

“She’s going to be a girl,” insisted the bearer.

“Zandy! I’m shocked! Chicks can be dudes!”

“Yeah, apple bottom, get liberated.” Zareen pecked Zandra cheek. “Now, Kit’s my brother I’ve known less than a year, so this is mine, hurt her and I’ll have her sue you for worse than money.”

“Use the list, don’t hit on the in-law, no cats, watch bath time, hospital first, then doctor.

“Just one question. Can I be naked?”

“No,” answered Zandra, already looking for a place to nap.

“Zandy’s in charge, and failing her Marley.”

“Can Marley be naked?”

“If he wants,” shrugged the doctor. “I want hourly updates.”

“Got it, Dr. Sis!” Kit saluted.

“I just don’t understand why everyone has to be naked,” muttered the lawyer.

“Some people like naked parties instead of tea parties. Gimme a kiss.” She held her lips for a parting kiss, which was obliged. Kit also wanted a kiss, but got a fist bump.

So the doctor left for the day, and Kit and Zandra were left on their own.

Despite Zareen’s detailed schedule Zandra proved to be  willful, rejecting each segmented hour in favor of frequent lengthy stays in the bathroom broken up by moaning in frustration at the laptop in her study.

“Zands? Sis said,”

“Screw what she said! I say I’m hungry!”

“Right, she left this fancy soup.”

“I don’t want soup! I want to know where my file is, and a pesto pizza!” 

The chair was too small, so she stomped over the the living room to turn up the air.

“It’s freezing in here. My nips could cut a diamond. Where do I get a pesto pizza?”

“I have a person in me and twice the amount of blood. I’m hot! Call Yuki!”

“Okay, okay! What’s a Yuki?”

“I can’t stand my skin.” She laid on her side and soothed her baby. “Number’s on the fridge. Little Blossom, or Paris.”

“What do you want on your pizza?”

“Pelle? Can’t let Reenie give you a Z name. M.D. M.D.”

“Zandy? Pizza?”

“I’m too tired to think about pizza.”

“Can you write it down?”

“I can’t even remember what they have.”

The blond sighed and took out his phone. “You’re making the hot dogs look good.”

“Shut up! I know you’re gay, and I’m hideous!” Zandra ran from the room, into her bathroom crying.

“That’s not what I meant! I just want your pizza order! I’m not allowed to cook!” He was met with a locked door, and few options. “Okay, that one is crazy.” So he sent a request for Zandra’s pizza order. Some back and and his phone buzzed with a picture of a sister/brother selfie.

“Jello?”

“Why is my wife crying in a bathroom and wanting pizza?”

“Ummm, I think it has something to do with a missing file, and you can’t name the baby, and your soup is stupid?”

“Yup. She wants pesto, broccoli, and nutmeg. Can I talk to her?”

“Zandy, Reenie wants to talk to you!”

“Tell her to fuck herself!”

“So, you can talk to her, but I don’t think you’ll get to say much. I think Zavier is a cool name.”

“I still can’t decide. Is she stuck?”

“I don’t know. Zandy?! Baby?! Are you stuck?!”

“Go away!”

“I think she’s good. Can I talk about her butt?”

“No, that’s mine.”

“Yeah, but she’s crying because I’m gay. I get that a lot.”

“Oh, well, twenty minutes with headphones and she’ll be good.”

“I need to give her headphone?”

“No, for you. She needs to plunge the sink and is bashful.”

“Oh!,” realization dawned on him, “Gotcha! It’s okay, Zandy! I won’t listen!”

“FUCK YOU!”

“I can’t! You’re my sister-in-law!”

A scream of ageless frustration sounded. 

“Oh, she sound fine. Remind her that she needs to keep her blood pressure low,” promoted the doctor before saying goodbye.

****

That evening Kit found himself pinned in place watching the most tolerable show day time cable had to offer, while his sister-in-law dozed on his thigh. He was half frozen and heard little, but complaints and cooings all day. 

The sound of keys sliding into the lock alerted him to the door. Zareen came back with bags of take away, hushing herself when she saw them. 

“You survived,” she whispered, tip-toeing over to peck her wife’s forehead and rub her belly to the response of a kick.

“Yeah, it was better than being a home alone all day. Even if she spent most of it in the bathroom or sleeping.

“She yells really good.”

“Yeah, but rarely. You have to find her buttons.”

“I did not play with her buttons. My pants stayed on the whole time. I’m even wearing two pairs of underpants.”

“Yours and Marley’s? How sweet!”

“Yeah, I didn’t tell him.”

“Bitch, that better be my fries,”grumbled Zandra, waking up.

“You know you can’t have the salt,” answered Zareen.

“I want fries and jelly!”

“Was her eating that gross before?”

“Yeah, but she kept it to midnight snacks.”

“Shut up, my boobs hurt!”

“You usually don’t complain,” Zareen said wistfully. 

The brunette wiped the drool from her mouth and was confused by how firmer the leg beneath her was. Knowing that moving meant she’d have to pee, she tilted her head and saw fuzzy double. 

“Oh, sorry. Forgot. Pardon me, Kit.”

“It’s fine. I like boobs. They’re like powered mochi cakes with a cherry on top.”

“Yeah, but so much work to keep them happy,” concurred his sister.

“There’s no winning. I’ve a baby on my bladder,” she groaned as she rolled over.

“Glad to see you, juicy pop!” Zareen blew a kiss at her. “You’re glasses are on the table.”

“I don’t need them!”

Once gone, Kit was able to stand and stretch.

“So, did she scare you off?”

“Nah, didn’t really like the crying. It was like being in a war, but then the naps would happen.”

“Did you want to stay for dinner?”

“Nah, think I’ll go home and play doctor.”

“Oh? Which one?”

Kit tilted his head in remembrance, stroking his chin. 

“Dr. Hottie has to help me because an Amazonian fish swam up my butt.”

“Proctology?”

“Too shy. I go to a general doc who is  _ very  _ thorough.”

“Gotcha,” Zareen nodded. “Need any gloves for that?”

“Oo! Gloves! Yes!” 

The doctor disappeared into some room and returned with a box of latex free gloves. She gave it to him, some paper being passed in his hand. Turning his hand over he saw a fifty dollar bill folded up in his palm.

“Sis, I don’t-”

“Take it. I thought we’d need more boxes for her pregnancy but we only have two months to go.”

The money was held up.

“Oh, that’s pizza money. Since you had to order and everything. You did get one for yourself, right?”

“No. Reenie, I don’t need this.”

“Need? Who said anything about need? I can’t use those things anywhere. You can change it out for me whenever. No rush.”

Zandra shuffled out, rubbing herself.

“Would you like so stay for dinner, Kit? We can wait for Marley.”

“Nah. Got plans already.” He held up the gloves.

“You’re going to scrub a toilet?”

“I’m having my toilet cushion plunged.”

“Wha?”

“Baby, sh.”Zareen rubbed her wife’s shoulder. “Well, since we can’t persuade you with food, babies, and lesbians I guess we’ll let you go. You can still beat some of the traffic.”

“Sure. Thanks for gloves and the pep talk. See you tomorrow, ladies.”

The women walked him off and waved him down the street before going in to start their evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate this chapter so much. The pep talk is him talking to Zandra about his unemployment woes.


	26. Medical Teams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip to the store doesn't end as expected.

The walls sported a lush green forest populated by sword wielding princesses and elves. Emerald pipes sprung from the floor and compact plumbers jumped to their duty. A half wall lined with adult chairs separated the room in half, one for well children, the other for sick. 

The lawyer was escorted to a chair by her wife before she left with a girl in pigtails fascinated by her girth. She abandoned the oversized blocks and puppets to climb up next to her.

“Hey, lady. How did you get so fat?”

“I’m not fat. I’m carrying my baby.”

“Under your dress?”

“Yes. She gets cold,” nervously she eyed whom she presumed to the girl’s mother, chatting away on a phone.

“Oh. I hope your baby’s not as ugly as you. My mommy says I’m the cutest little girl ever! I won a throw pee and a crown, like a princess!”

“Hm, that’s nice.” She ran a hand over her belly, secretly hoping that skipping her glass of water would mean she could avoid the bathroom.

“Play with me!” The girl jumped down and went back to her toys.

“I can’t. My baby’s sleeping.”  _ After kicking me all night. _ Thankfully her wife came back from check in and sat next to her.

“Need to powder your nose? I asked. They have adult restrooms, child restrooms and a family restroom.”

“That’s nice. Maybe later.”

“They bleach or boil this stuff once a month, and the other area daily.”

“Oh, that’s good.” Zandra fought her heartburn. “Cancellation policy?”

“Twenty Four hour notice preferred, but no fees. Apparently, they stay busy. If a spot opens up it’ll be filled in by some same day.”

“Sounds typical. But like I said, I have a few other options if you don’t like this one.”

“I asked at the hospital and only heard good things. Mostly, she’s a giant kid herself. Building that positive attitude is critical at a young age. By the time they get to me it’s too late.”

“Our baby is getting all the vaccines.”

Zareen leaned in, and whispered, “And all the autism?”

The brunette snorted into her hand.

“Pickles? Angelica?” Called a nurse.

The woman on the phone wrestled out a goodbye and dragged the girl in pigtails away, to much ear piercing screams. It was a shock to the lawyer.

“How does her mother let her get away with that?”

“Meh, not everyone is a good parent. They worry about making their kids cry, or that people will judge them for disciplining them in public. 

“There’s a thing-a-jig for the kids in the waiting room at the hospital.”

“A what?”

“You know. It’s a thing with wires and beads, and the kids play with the beads.”

“Okay.”

“They whine about having to leave it. The younger they are, the more they only care about toys. It’s like crack to them.”

“Oh. So, we have to teach her that we’re borrowing it.”

“When they’re ready. They can’t understand ownership and sharing when they’re pooping themselves.”

“So many things to study. I should have been a teacher.”

“Nah. You’d cry more than the kids.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Mutra-Diamond?” called a different nurse.

“That’s us, honey bunch!” Zareen sprung up to help her wife up. They followed the nurse, as she gave a tour highlighting the features of the clinic and briefly talking about policies before leading them to a small office. An anime magical girl smiling and waving her star wand while her friend squealed in delight video taping her spell stood larger than life on the wall behind the tiny desk. The other walls were lined with filing cabinets covered with cartoon magnets.

The couple helped themselves to the chairs and discussed the pros and cons of the location. Miraculously, the pediatrician was on time. 

Shaking both their hands she introduced herself as Dr. JoJo and talk about her qualifications. 

“So, is this your first child?”

“Yes.” Zandra rubbed a sore spot. 

“Due date’s September twelfth.”

“Popular month,” remarked the doctor taking notes on the computer.

“Well, we had trouble in the beginning,” remarked Zandra.

“We tried candles and a swing, but it still took several tries, and some safety tries.” Zareen got punched in the arm.

“Ha ha! Looks like it paid off. I’m sure your gynecologist has discussed safe positions.”

“Yes, I have!” proclaimed the blonde.

“What she means is, she’s an OBGYN. Of course I report to my physicians of record.”

“Good ole Frank. So gay, he dies a little everyday,” Zareen leaned back as far as the plastic would allow, clearly pleased.

“I knew that’s why you recommended him to me!”

“We were dating, you could have found some other doctor to hit on!”

“Aw, I missed my chance,” Dr. JoJo snapped her fingers. Then they went into more specifics about services and the pregnancy.

Half an hour later, they were working to get back into the car.

“Well, how do you feel about it?” Zareen was pushing Zandra’s legs into the car as she had to go in back first.

“Good. I like the bleach smell.”

“Manages your anxiety?”

“Yes. We need to hurry. I need to go.” 

“Do you have a UTI? You just went.”

“SHUT UP! I’M CARRYING THE PRECIOUS GIFT OF LIFE!”

“Oi! Geez! I’m right here!”

Now that she was safely in the car, she helped bring the seat belt to her, before joining her.

“Sorry, I just get overwhelmed. I feel like some helpless invalid and it’s crushing. Not to mention I’m sick of having to pee all the Goddamn time. I feel like a dog on a walk. I am ready for this kid to get it’s own body!”

Turning on the A.C., her wife snickered.

“What?!”

“Just reminded me of the dog that walks on its front legs watering the flowers with its hose.”

Zandra gave her a look.

“I hate you.”

“Wanna blow job?”

“Yes! But bathroom first!”

“And I say, dinner second!”

“Fine!”

“Good! A regular date night.”

*****

Zandra was smoldering in her head about how much she hated going out with her mother. Replaying every time the woman had picked up a dated item imploring her to try it on only for it to be rejected. Reliving the embarrassment of her mother bargaining with that part-time cashier, resulting in the manger being called over and having to explain to her that the prices were non-negotiable. She could never understand why living decades in America hadn’t clued her mother in to how things were different.

Making matters worse, Kit decided to help out anyway. Thus, the second most conservative person she knew was with the most liberal person she knew. She was pretty sure this wasn’t healthy for her or the baby.

“Ttal, look at this on!” Her mother held up a kimono style blouse in a shiny fabric that made it look more like sleepwear than a day outfit. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

“I’m sticking to natural fabrics, mom.” The nails in her feet implored her to sit, but if she did, she’d wet herself. Hell is full of pregnant people.

“Zandy! Where are the-the bras with the- the flap thing?” Kit bounded over with a bunch of body suits he fished from the discount rack.

“You mean a nursing bra?”

“Nurses have their own bras?”

“Ugh, no. Over there in the intimates section. You won’t find your size.”

“Not looking for me!” Like a kid in a toy story he bounded over.

“A man should conduct himself with more dignity. Your father would die of shame to be near a lady’s under thing.” Somehow she managed to find a cotton sheath dress in black with a wide white color. Because cos-playing as a French school girl is still an option in the last trimester. 

Forced to try it on, her mother insisted on buying it for her before they went for a walk through the nursery section. Kit cooed over the miniature everything. 

Mother and daughter were discussing rattles, when Zandra noticed the her shoes squeak on the floor. 

Then Kit came over to whisper,“Hey, um, bathroom?”

“What are you-?”

Her mother gasped. “Sandy! Your water broke!”

“What?! No! It’s too early!”

“Does that mean the baby is coming?”

“Hospital! Mom, do you know where it is?”

“The Googles can tell me.”

“Kit! Tell someone about the mess and then drive us to the hospital! Mom, help me to the car.”

Waddling as fast as she could, she ignored the looks she got, and held onto her mother for dear life.

“Are you having contractions?” Her mother, eased her into the back seat.

“I don’t know! No?” The baby wasn’t kicking. She kept rubbing her favorite spot to play football with, praying for a response, and breathing to calm her heart rate.

“Where’s that oaf?!” The thin woman started the engine to blast the air. Kit sprinted across with the bags twisting behind him. He jumped to the car, upsetting everything.

“Here Zandy-Mom!” He tossed the bags are her and pulled out of park while pulling the belt from behind him.

Zandra tried to picture waves crashing on the beach at twilight, or lying on the sofa on a Sunday afternoon having fingers rake through hair. The constant sway of the car turned her mediation into a ship being tossed in a hurricane.

“Slow down! I’m turning sick!”

“I’m doing the speed limit. I’ll drive smoother.”

“Sandy? How are you doing?”

“Horrible!”

“Nom ssi-bal, you’re going to kill us all!”

“Mom!,” Zandra was shocked. “I’ve never heard you say that!”

“Sorry,ttal.”

“Someone call Reenie.”

***

“Since we didn’t have a condom, and it was the eight month anniversary of his dad’s colonoscopy we did butt stuff. He said I’d like it. It just felt like I had to shit. I don’t think I did it right. But, can my butt get pregnant?”

The doctor resisted the urge to doddle and instead finished her notes. 

“Well, Salope, we can run a pregnancy test, but-”

_ Z 2  _ (hospital emoji)

“Wear a rubber or grab a dam. In fact Sophie can get you some cherry or lemon flavored ones. Nice talking to you again.”

One arm out of her coat, she barked orders at her team, and kissed a confused assistant as she ran out the door. 

***

Her mother was somewhere filling out paperwork, she was alone in the bay hooked up to a vitals monitor, still trying to calm down and get a response from her baby.

The curtain was snapped back.

“Ms. Mutra-Diamond?”

“Yes. I was shopping and my water broke, but I’m not due until the second week of September.”

“Alright, let’s have a look.”

***

It was a good thing the doors were automatic, because Zareen was in a smashing mood. The information she was given through text wasn’t enough. She spotted her brother hanging his head in a chair.

“Where are they?!”

“Back there. We haven’t heard anything. Her mom just finished the paper work and went back fifteen minutes ago.”

Feeling the pressure of passing time, she stomped to the counter.

“Zandra Starlight Mutra-Diamond, birth date June tenth. I’m her partner. I need back there.”

“Sorry, only family is allowed.”

Before she could correct the nurse, the double doors opened, and a nurse walked over to talk to Kit. Zareen joined them, a bubbling cauldron of fear, fury, and confusion.

“Sir, your wife may have developed an infection which caused the membrane to rupture. She’s already gone into labor, however there were some concerns about the vitality of the baby since she reported a lack of movement. An ultrasound showed it’s breech. So-”

“C-section,” Zareen whispered, and dropped into the chair staring at horror at the space in front of her. She flashed fire and ice at once. Every thing she had ever learned colliding in her brain. “I need to be back there. She needs me.”

The knees under her wanted to buckle, but this one thought was the only rock to stand on in the storm.

“Ma’am, only family is-”

“I am her family. She’s  _ my _ wife with  _ my _ baby, and that-” she pointed at Kit, “is _ my  _ brother! Now I’m going back there!”

Kit waved at the enraptured room.

“I helped.”

The nurse took Zareen back where her wife was being comforted by her mother, but the shine on their face told the story.

“Okay, you win. Introducing my brother to your mother was a bad idea.” She held up her hands in guilty admission.

Her wife hiccuped a laugh, and reached out for her, grabbing her hand and squeezing the color out of it.

“Reenie, her heart rate is slowing down. You need to take care of her.”

“Hey, hey,” she soothed, pushing back the sweat stuck hair from her face. “I’m here. I’ll take care of you.”

Zandra shook her head, fat hot tears slipped down her cheeks.

“Mom can take care of me. The baby needs someone. I don’t even know if-if,” she was too choked up.

“Sh,” she pressed her lips to the now bare forehead. “You’re job is to lie there, and do what they say. I’ll take care of everything else.”

The hitched breaths told her that she was back to sobbing. She couldn’t trust her voice, her throat raw with emotion. Instead she stood as close as the safety bars would allow. The rest of the world faded away. Even her mother-in-crying in a chair didn’t matter. Whatever happened next life would never be the same.

Too soon the surgeon came in for a final check. Too soon a team in scrubs bustled Zandra away. Too soon Zareen had to fake a smile, a wave, and a blown kiss goodbye. 

Not soon enough the doctor was demanding a pair of scrubs and a smock. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really tried to find Korean terms of endearment, but I came across a page where a lot of people were sharing stories of the conservative culture. They are so reserved every adult there realized they grew up never hearing their mother say that she loved them. Blows my mind. So I managed the best I could. If anyone has any insight I invite them. I like to portray the rich tapestry of America, but at the same time I'm terrified I'm creating stereotypes.


	27. Why Aren't You Crying?

The operating room was a buzz of activity. Whatever she had been given was finally working so she had no idea what was happening to her beyond the tent they had erected over her lower half. They must have given her a calmative, because her heart was finally slowing down. No one was talking to her, just around her in a maddening fashion. It seemed like everyone knew what was happening but her. Surely, she’d know when they start cutting.

The room was freezing, still sweat ran over her scalp. This was the furthest from her water-birth holding her love’s hand as she could imagine. Although, the being naked part is very much like she pictured.

“Darling, I know I suggested inviting people, but I think we have a few too many in here.” One of the smocks stopped next to her, golden eyes smiled down from a over a paper mask.

“Reenie! Thank God you’re here! What’s going on?”

“Oh, they’re just picking out which muscles you don’t want.”

“Already?”

“I had to come in before the slicing. Did you pick out a name?”

“Oh!” She moaned. “I don’t know! I don’t know! Now I understand what Pearl meant when she explained about Jews would reserve naming the kid until they were three!”

“Nurse, tissue.”

“Yes, doctor.” Another smock brought a box of tissues, so Zareen could dab away her tears.

“Besides being overwhelmed with how sexy I am, how are you feeling?”

“I’m numb, watch them.”

The same nurse that was running back and forth barked a laugh. 

“Uh oh! We got a doctor as a dad in here.”

The medical team laughed. 

“That’s right, and a lawyer as a mom,”supplied Zareen.

“Double trouble,” commented the surgeon without taking her eyes off her work. “I don’t even want to think about what this little one will be.

“Forceps.”

“I’m open already?!”

“One twenty three over eighty two.” A mask droned. 

“Keep still, blueberries. I’m watching. Why don’t you think about the pillows we get to only use when company is over?”

“Okay, okay.” But she didn’t close her eyes and picture home. She kept them wide open on the amber eyes that were alternated between the vitals machine and the proceedings on the other side of the drapes.

The activity never seemed to lull or find a rhythm. Then all of a sudden Zareen was called over to take a yellow tinged mass covered in a waxy film and blood was pressed to her chest then it was moved to a table on the wall where someone joined Zareen in some activity.

“Reenie? Why isn’t she crying?”

No one was noticing her.

“Why isn’t she crying?” Her vision blurred, then cleared, just to have fog on her glasses. “Reenie!”

A clear plastic covering went over the table. The nurse was doing something. She couldn’t see what. The nurse wheeled the table away. Zareen binned her bloody gloves, and bent over her, soothing her brow.

“She just needs a little help, love,” she answered softly, taking the damp glasses and wiping them clean, best she could.

“It’s a girl?”

“She’s a girl.” Eyes smiled down at her. “Until we’re told otherwise.”

“Heh, we have a girl.”

“You win the bet. Guess that means we go to the beach.”

“I’ll be awhile getting into shape.”

“Nah, you’ll be fine. She still needs a name.”

The stress was wearing her out. That or the drugs. 

“Peridot.”

“Peridot?”

“Yeah, for her birthday. My little bright jewel of beginnings.”

 

“Okay, you’re the boss. I need to go check on her. Need me?”

“No, I’ll be fine. Go check on the baby.” Her eyes were growing heavy.

“One nineteen over eighty.”

“Stay sexy, beautiful.”

A nurse shook her head. “I can’t remember the last time my husband called me sexy or beautiful.”

Zandra felt the hand over her forehead once more, then closed her eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drugs are drugs. This is how I justify keeping her fan name.


	28. Green and Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after is never easy. What is the fate of the mother and child?

The woman was wired, fit to blow at someone. Usually she had her husband or mother with her, but now she wasn’t sure the wisdom of that. Now wasn’t the time to panic. She didn’t panic all those years ago on the boat, so she wasn’t going to here. Instead she went over her rosary, praying over her daughter’s prone form in the recovery bay. She was scared to go anywhere.

Hours passed. Her husband finally answered his phone. A terrible storm had hit. Hail and possible twisters were keeping him from making the drive. There wasn’t much to say. But having a life line help ground them both.

It was late. Lunch was a lost cause, dinner passed her by, and now it looked like she was staying the night in the chair.

Midnight rolled around when she was told a room for her daughter had opened up.

When they took her away, she wasn’t allowed to follow, and got lost in maze of darken halls and locked doors.

Questions hung like guillotines in the air.

Finally she spotted some nurses leaving an open door in the middle of the hall. Inside she saw a curved figure on the edge of a chair dressed in scrubs holding her daughter’s hand.

She was just standing in the doorway, when the figure spotted her, and relished her chair, clearly in discomfort.

“Hey Mi-Ok, she’s uh-still sleeping. They’ve got Peri stable, for now. She’ll need to be able to feed on her own before she can go home.”

“Peri?”

“Peridot. Don’t ask me. Zandy’s idea. There should be a law against letting drug-idled mothers pick names.”

““As precious as gold.””

“Hm?”

“An old saying. I guess my little girl was listening after all.

“Why hasn’t she woken up?”

The blonde shrugged and shook her head. “Probably just sheer exhaustion. All these months up at night, and now surgery. The only complication was a drop in blood pressure for less than a minute. She should be fine.”

The beeps were steady.

“Where is she?”

“Nicu.” The doctor swallowed hard. “She’ll need around the clock care.”

“Did they give you an estimate on how long she’ll be in there?”

“They can’t. It shouldn’t be long, but-” the woman’s hand trembled. “She’s small. Very small. Almost too small.”

A hand came up to cover her eyes under her glasses.

“It must have been the blood pressure and the nausea in the beginning. I don’t know.

“Are you staying here the night?”

“Might as well, the storm hasn’t let up. Why?”

“I need to watch Peri.”

“You’re leaving my daughter?” It sounded like an accusation. 

“No. You’re daughter put me in charge, and the last thing she wanted was for me to take care of  _ our _ baby. She figured you could take care of your own. Here.” She handed a cell phone to her mother-in-law. “Passcode is our anniversary. You can text me any updates, but until I hear otherwise I’m on baby duty.”

The mother stood in the room, now back were she was. Watching and waiting. At least this time there was a bench she could turn into a makeshift bed. This long day wasn’t ending any time soon, and she had a lot to mull over.

***

Zareen had been given a chair to sit on when she refused to leave the hallway. So now she was hugging her knees, barely fitting, and nodding off.

There hadn’t been much change. The baby wasn’t ready to feed, but at least her heart had kept beating. It stopped once after birth. So did Zareen’s world. Now she was sitting on the edge of reality.

In all the drama she’d lost her appetite, but it was catching up to her. 

The lead nurse asked if he could get her something from the caf. before she left her shift. She took him up on the offer and ate a granola bar and a cup of coffee. He patted her shoulder and congratulated her on being a mom. That’s when she finally broke down and cried.

It was nearly noon when she got a phone call from her mother-in-law. 

Zandra was awake, confused, and too tired to move.

“You need to warn her about the baby. It’s not easy to see.”

“You do it.”

The phone was passed over. A dry, spent voice greeted her.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“What happened?”

“You fell asleep.”

“I figured that much out. I’m missing two people.”

“Yeah, we’re both here. Hanging out. Listen, they’re going to ask if you want to give her breast milk or formula.”

“I’m feeding her.”

“Um, not just yet. She’s tiny, and she’s going to need a lot of help.”

“Nicu?”

“Nicu.”

“For how long?”

“We don’t know. She needs to eat on her own, and breath on her own, and lots of things. She figured out sleeping though. She’s really good at that. And kicking. I went in for bonding earlier and she kicked my boobs. That may be how she says hi.

“Do you want a picture?”

“No, I want to go down there and hold her.”

“It’s going to be a shock.

“I figured. But the staff should be used to picking parents off the floor.”

“They use a chair. Take your time. We’re not going anywhere. I tied a string to the baby, they’ll have to take all three of us!”

“Three?”

“They’ll have a concussion before I’m through with them.”

“Good. Listen, mom needs to eat, so why don’t you find me for a few minutes. After the next feeding.”

“Want me to bring the breast pump?”

“Sure. It’d be the first time that thing was used properly.”

***

Zandra was out of sorts. Where the baby she had worked so hard for was supposed to be, was a deflated lump. Nothing felt real except the fact that her baby was somewhere that wasn’t home and wasn’t with her. 

Vaguely she was haunted by the memory of her declaration that she’d be on her feet and at work the same day the child was born. Everything hurt. Even her soul ached.

“Uh oh, someone left a blue-eyed babe all alone.” Zareen popped her head in, looking like hell. “I might just have to steal her away.” From behind her back she produced a bouquet of flowers.

“You’re still in your scrubs. How’s the baby?”

“Stable on the machines. She’s behaving. She flashed me all her cutie bits, but not her eyes. I’m very disappointed.” She slipped a string around Zandra’s wrist.

“Oh my God! You dork!” Zandra cried, reaching out to embrace her wife. “You absolute dork!” She knew it wasn’t really attached to her child, but it made her feel better all the same. “I love you so much!”

“Love you too,”

They held each other and wept, glad for the gift of another day.

“When can I see her?”

“Whenever you’re ready.”

“Thank you! I don’t even- Thank you!”

“See? I’m trainable. Have you eaten?”

“I ordered something. Don’t have an appetite.”

“Me neither, but we’re going to need our strength. I can’t avoid work forever.”

“Mom’s going to accuse you of running off.”

“Someone’s got to get you the red tide pads.”

They shared a bonding kiss.

“Hmm, morning breath.”

“Shut up,” Zandra shut her up. “Look, I know you’re exhausted, but can you stick it out a little while longer?”

“Tired? Who’s tired? You know I can last all day and all night. I’m a super stud.”

“You’re amazing. I could crush you right now.”

“How about the skiing vacation instead?”

“Mom should be back soon.”

“Oo! Right! Boobs!” The doctor ran out the door, and returned with the breast pump. “Right now she’s on formula.”

“Can’t have that. Now how does it work, doctor?”

Zareen locked the door behind her.

It was some hours later, when her mother went down to speak with her husband, Zandra was wheeled down to see her baby. As warned, it was difficult. In a acrylic cage, a tiny yellow hued infant lay with wires and tubes every which way. Following the initial horror, and heartbreak, came profound guilt. Somehow she must have done something wrong.

They sat her next to the machine, and after some light petting through the access hole, a nurse came over to set her up with some skin to skin time. Zareen helped undo her gown from the top and drape both of them with a soft, worn blanket. The little bean fussed and kicked until she was warmed by her mother’s breast. The only sign, in Zandra’s mind, she’d done something right.

“Congratulations, mamas,” the nurse said. That’s when they both broke. Crying hysterically over their newborn, who didn’t appreciate the shower, and peeled one brilliant green eye to give a sleepy glare.

“Well, would you look at that!” wondered the doctor, wiping her face.

“Hi, Dottie! I’m-I’m” Zandra was still overwhelmed.

“Mommy,” her wife offered. “Mom-my, and I’m dommy. Dom-my.”

The mother hiccuped, “You can’t be serious.”

“You’re one calling her Dottie. She’s a Peri.”

“That’s a boy’s name!”

“So? Better than Dot-tea.”

“A pear?”

“Her eyes are pear colored. Actually, they might be more beautiful than yours.”

“Oh, I agree. Her eyes are gorgeous. They’ll be prettier when she’s not lemon colored.”

“That should clear up soon. She’s already on medication.”

Absent mindlessly, she caressed her baby’s head much like she would when she was still in her body, and discovered very fine, almost transparent hair.

“Reenie! She’s blonde!”

Zareen merely shrugged. “For now, hair and eyes often change after birth. Besides, who knows if she can handle being a blonde.”

“We get her out of here and she’ll handle anything. Right?”

The Mutras were standing in the hall hoping to see the latest grand-baby. The women waved, and popped a drowsy head from the blanket.

“Time will tell. She isn’t at high risk because we made it this far. Still, she is fighting an eye infection, jaundice, and is developing a few tiny things.”

Peridot started fussing. A nurse suggested it was feeding time and gave them the option of trying to feed her themselves or letting the staff do it. Zandra felt strongly about natural feeding and offered her teat. 

“Reenie, I don’t think I’m doing it right.”

“It’s pretty straight forward.”

“She’s not doing it.”

“Well, I’d show her, but your folks are here.” Her reward was one of the dirtiest looks she’d gotten all year. “What? Are you producing?”

“It’s in there.”

“No, drip, drip.”

“Yes!” Zandra cut curtly, “Now stop mentioning it!”

“Hey, she ain’t looking her way to it. She has to smell.”

“Oo! Wait! Maybe.Mmm.”

“Sucking feels like sucking.”

“I think she’s trying.”

“Good. Good. But she can learn later. She needs her antibiotics.”

They let the nurse take Peridot and went to spend some time with the grandparents. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trials like these show you if you picked the right person to spend your life with. Reenie's a romantic fool, when she gets to be.


	29. A New Old Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn the Fate of the little pre-born babe.

The next few weeks were hell. They thought the pregnancy was bad, but having to leave their baby behind and coming back to a house that was colder, darker than they both remember was worse. They only slept when sheer exhaustion took them both.

The doctor worked a couple hours a day before spending  several hours at the hospital, holding her baby, and trying to soothe her wife.

The lawyer hung up her briefcase. Her mother drove her to the hospital for a week, then she was on her own. Staying there until the staff asked her to leave. Those were the longest days anyone had ever known. 

 When there Zandra insisted on trying to feed her Dottie. Thankfully, the sickly hue only lasted a few days. They were lucky when compared to the others. Zandra heard some grim prognosis when she met with the other nicu parents. In comparison her happily ever after was merely delayed. It didn’t make any of it easier. 

When the tubes came out, both mothers were there, and they merely had to get the little booger to eat.

One evening they were cooing over her, Zareen had the baby under her shirt and Zandra was taking pictures.

“We still need to send announcements.”

“There’ll be time. Aw, she’s sucking her thumb. Little pea pod.” The blonde stroked the faux bare head.

“Won’t that mess up her teeth?”

“She doesn’t have teeth.” 

“Oh yeah! Pregnancy brain. I hope it leaves soon.”

Peridot started squirming, and then screaming. 

“Op! That’s your cue, mama!” The bundle was passed over.

“Let’s get it this time.” Dress open, and a blanket over her. “Oh! She’s sucking! But-”

“But what?”

“The store’s closed.”

“What?”

“It’s closed!”

“Babe, we’re all professionals. Just say you’re not producing. We can let her cry some more. That works.”

“I don’t want her crying. It could scar her.”

“Right, because babies don’t cry. Alright, well, you have zero sex drive so… I blew Kit. We were bored, went to motel, and had family blow job time.”

“WHAT?!” This time the pull on her nipple felt very different.

“See? Milk. You’re welcome.” Zareen stretched her sore back and neck.

“You’re dead!”

“It was a fib! Had to get you excited somehow.”

“Better be! I’m calling him!”

“Calling him what?”

“That depends entirely.”

“Is she eating or spitting it up again?” Picking up the corner of the blanket there was one of the most beautiful sight her eyes had ever beheld, her baby drinking happily without a problem in her head. “Hey, winner, winner. Don’t let her eat too much.” 

“But she’s eating. I’m feeding my baby!” Zandra turned misty-eyed. An arm draped around her shoulder.

“Yup. You’re both doing it.” She nuzzled the shaggy chocolate locks.

It wasn’t long after that they were allowed to finally take their baby home. They took Zandra’s car as it was smoother. Only repeated statistics kept Zandra from holding her new love the whole drive.

One hand on the door, the other held hostage by a tiny hand gripping a finger, Zareen opened her house, and both woman welcomed their tiny bundle with smiles, and cuddles.

Zandra didn’t want to set Peridot down, even for bedtime. They both stayed up a while just marveling at the steady rise and fall of the compact chest. It was hellish, but they now had a miracle. 

***

“I told you a suit wasn’t necessary.” Marley rang the doorbell while sighing at his husband who was carrying a giant box of diapers.

“I wanna make a good impression!”

“She’s three months old! She won’t remember!”

Zareen welcomed them in, taking the burden, and directing them to the sofa. Zandra came out carrying a freshly powdered bundle of bright jade eyes and a toothless smile.

“Here she is! Little Dottie!”

“I thought she was Peri,” wondered Kit who had first honors of holding the over dressed thing in lace trimmed snow dress. Those squinting eyes stared him down as if deciding to trust him or not. “Aw, she’s so cute! How did you stick the bow on her head?”

“Tied it to her curl.” The doctor returned with a tray of tea.

“Her hair is so fair the only way I can see it is to curl it around my finger.” Zandra was still in her long dresses to avoid pressure on her incision. The fireplace now had a sturdy grate in front of it.

“She’s beautiful,” remarked Marley, secretly pleased the baby was glaring at the overly enthusiastic blond. “I can’t believe she sent so long in an incubator.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me. I lost so much sleep.”

“When do you ever sleep?” Asked Zareen.

“I’m gonna get your nose! I’m gonna get that nose!” Kit’s wagging finger was bit. “Aw, she’s gumming me!”

“I told you to be careful with what you stick in people’s face.” Peridot had two hands gripping on to the attacker.

Kit gasped. “Bear costume!”

No one understood him.

“Then she’ll be a per-bear!”

“It’s genius!” Zareen declared. “Way better than putting her in my old baby stuff!” She got out her phone to search.

“Those are your clothes?” Marley was concerned again.

“Per-Bear! Per-Bear! Per-Bear! Say dad-dy! Dad-dy!” 

Now the intruder was initiating a war chant! She doubled her efforts, even engaging her feet!

“Dottie, come on. Stop biting him. If it wasn’t for him, there wouldn’t be a you,” reprimanded her mother. 

“Hold up, I need to get a video of this. If that’s okay Zandra.” Marley looked to her for permission. 

“Oh perfectly fine. We have plenty.”

“And we need more. Send it my way, bro-in-law,” Zareen said from her phone.

Peridot’s epic battle was then recorded, the enemy continuing to coo at her.

“Babe, you hold her.”

“But she likes you. I tell by how she’s kicking you in the ribs.”

“She’ll kick you too.” With some teamwork they got the baby move over, but her fight did not let up.

“Dottie” Scolded Zandra who stood and rubbed the baby’s tummy until she yawned and Kit was able to free himself. All that battling is tiring. There was a warm wall next to her, so she settled into that. Eyelids are heavy. 

“Aw! Look how cute you two are!” Kit was ready to bust a nut.

“She so tiny and light. I almost can’t believe she’ll grow up.”

“Believe it. This time next year she’ll be sitting up and stumbling around and parroting us. And in thirteen years she’ll be visiting her own Gyno.”

“My baby,” moaned Zandra, “I just got her, stop making her grow up!”

“Wittle pea pod is falling asleep.” Kit remarked, booping her button nose. “Mar’s knock out power even works babies.”

“She’s a cutie. Even has some personality. I thought babies just sleep, cry, poop, eat, and that’s it until they learn how to sit up.

“Are you kidding?” Zareen was agasp. “She’s violent, like her mother. I’d come home every night and she’d kick me. Kick me in the hand, the face, once in the back.”

“Demanding too. We’ll have to fix that. She’d dance on my bladder until midnight before she’d finally fall asleep. Now she wakes up every three hours wanting snacks.”

“Ah! So now someone’s finally in charge,” Marley quipped. The ladies paused a moment, then started to laugh.

***

The morning light always hit the window sideways, so Zandra had her rocker next to it so the light wouldn’t bother her babe’s eyes as she fed her. 

This simple bonding time was addictive to her, and she would savor it, knowing it couldn’t last. That’s why she didn’t notice her wife in lab coat and panties in the door at first.

“Where are your pants?”

“Doctor Pant-less never wears pants!”

“We’re not playing that game.”

“Why not? You’re nursing topless. Nurse Topless.” She crouched down and mussed the infant’s hair. “Every nurse needs a doctor. You know. Just in case.”

“Oh doctor, I need a little mouth-to-mouth.”

“Stat.” Their noses slid together as they kissed. 

The rugrat finished her milk and held her arms up to be held. Zareen picked her up and patted her back to burp her, while the lawyer made herself decent.

“We need more chairs in here.”

“Or more pants.”

“You’re just jealous. I can play Floppy Hand Dick all by myself.” There was a bit of spit up and then a giggle. “Baby! Her first laugh!”

“Her first laugh?”Zandy despaired. “No!”

“Yeah, laugh for mommy. C’mon Per-Per!” She made funny faces that had her half pint audience in a fit.

“We’re never telling anyone about that. She was in your lap and you made stupid faces.

The blonde stopped wagging her tongue. “Wot stopid aces?”

“I’ll get the camera.”

“Never mind, I’ve got one!” Reaching behind her, she got out her camera. 

“Where were you keeping that?”

“Shut up, and get over here.” Holding onto her wife’s waist with one arm, she held Peridot’s back with the other. “Say floppy hand dick!”

The picture had Zareen beaming, Peridot laughing, and Zandra scowling. They hung it over the mantle where it stays to this day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was interesting to pull all the stories I've heard about having kids to create this. I really focused on recreating that wholesome love in the original family AU with them coming home.   
> And I had to bring back Floppy Hand Dick. It was what this was all about.  
> OB was almost Oh Brother, but I realized this was a story about family, and both Kit and Peri expand the family and challenge everyone's way of living, but Peri is the crystallized form of how different this new American Family is.   
> I also had to sneak a peak of her personality in, because I could tell she was a suspicious baby.  
> But if you think it's smooth sailing for this gem from now on, you're wrong. I've only just begun. >;)

**Author's Note:**

> Short chapter is short. This is tame Reenie. Next chapter meet an inappropriate blonde and a permanently stressed nerd!


End file.
